Should Parents Coach Their Own Children

Recently, I was told by a town BAYS coach that they were instituting a policy to avoid parents coaching their own children after U11. I'm not sure how they will find coaches but it is an interesting policy. Should BAYS try to institute this for all towns? What are the Maple (and other league) rules regarding parents coaching their own kids.

[Cujo]

Re: Should Parents Coach Their Own Children

Recently, I was told by a town BAYS coach that they were instituting a policy to avoid parents coaching their own children after U11. I'm not sure how they will find coaches but it is an interesting policy. Should BAYS try to institute this for all towns? What are the Maple (and other league) rules regarding parents coaching their own kids.

Cujo says this policy is fine so long as you have enough coaches. I would say u13 might make more sense. Also you would have to allow the coaches kid to play up if there were only one team at that age level. Unless of course the policy would be to not let the kid play. I am assuming that most parents and officials would find that to be unfair. How did I do. I always value input from my personal stalkers.

Not sure if I am stalking you but as seems to be the pattern I do disagree.

My opinion is that organizations should be able to use their best judgement regarding who they feel is best to coach their teams. Being a parent shouldnt disqualify an otherwise appropriate candidate. The rule is arbitrary and presumes that the parent is automatically less worthy. Parents can be outstanding coaches. There are countless examples.

The town travel coach supply would be severly diminished I would think. Imagine a perfectly capable parent with licensing and coaching ability being bypassed for an inferior coach because that is the best that can be found... not the best situation. Bad policy.

Scorpions have no policy vs. a parent coaching a team. We have found that most dont want to coach their own kids at club level. We would only accept a parent if he/she were the best option available to that team... but if they were the best option and we trusted their objectivity, we would not block them.

[Fred Marks]

Fred M. ^

Re: Should Parents Coach Their Own Children

Recently, I was told by a town BAYS coach that they were instituting a policy to avoid parents coaching their own children after U11. I'm not sure how they will find coaches but it is an interesting policy. Should BAYS try to institute this for all towns? What are the Maple (and other league) rules regarding parents coaching their own kids.

Cujo says this policy is fine so long as you have enough coaches. I would say u13 might make more sense. Also you would have to allow the coaches kid to play up if there were only one team at that age level. Unless of course the policy would be to not let the kid play. I am assuming that most parents and officials would find that to be unfair. How did I do. I always value input from my personal stalkers.

How would the parent be able to coach if you have banned them from being anywhere near practice? I thought you said no parent should be at their child's practice?

Not sure if I am stalking you but as seems to be the pattern I do disagree.

My opinion is that organizations should be able to use their best judgement regarding who they feel is best to coach their teams. Being a parent shouldnt disqualify an otherwise appropriate candidate. The rule is arbitrary and presumes that the parent is automatically less worthy. Parents can be outstanding coaches. There are countless examples.

The town travel coach supply would be severly diminished I would think. Imagine a perfectly capable parent with licensing and coaching ability being bypassed for an inferior coach because that is the best that can be found... not the best situation. Bad policy.

Scorpions have no policy vs. a parent coaching a team. We have found that most dont want to coach their own kids at club level. We would only accept a parent if he/she were the best option available to that team... but if they were the best option and we trusted their objectivity, we would not block them.

It is impossible for a parent to be objective coaching their own kid. Even if they do their best, it is unfair to the other kids on the team. Most parent coaches I know tend to play their kid less to attempt to show objectivity which is unfair to their own kid. I think Clubs/BAYS/Schools should do their best to avoid the potential conflict by finding an alternate coach at competitive soccer levels. If no qualified coach is available, then I agree that the parent should be allowed to coach. I find it hard to believe that competitive Clubs and Towns cannot find an alternative unless they don't try.

[Fred Marks]

I dont agree that it is impossible for a parent to be objective. Some do it very well. If a town or club trusts that objectivity I wouldnt exclude them.

[Blue Devil]

For town soccer the only way the large number of coaching slots can possibly be filled is with parent volunteers. Parent's coaching skills are all over the spectrum, but even if they aren't all that good of a coach the benefit is more kids are playing soccer. Relatively few parents are going to coach teams that conflict with their ability to be a parent to their own child unless they are a coach by vocation (usually HS or Club) I have seen some situations where a parent/coach has caused problems but many more and in fact the vast majority where it hasn't been a problem at all within town soccer.

In HS soccer if a coach is going to be there before and after their child attends a school then it is unreasonable to expect that coach take a hiatus from coaching or send their child to another school. In these situations I don't see many problems in games. The problems if they occur tend to be over who makes the team and who doesn't.

In my opinion this is situational. If a coach is good (and truly strives for objectivity) I don't see anything inherently wrong with a coach coaching their own children but I think that it is good for the player if he/she experiences other coaches beyond their parent.

Maybe if there is no other choice than to have a parent coach, then make it mandatory to have two parents coach (not husband and wife). You could consider it a practice of off-setting objectivity. Each would keep the other in check in regards to too much/little playing time for their own children. The sharing of ideas in regards to their different views may end up beneficial for all.

I was at the Cape Cod tournament in Dennis-Yarmouth many years ago. In the middle of the game there was a dispute between two coaches about who the coach was. They got into a screaming match.."I am the coach''... "No, I am the coach"..."No, I am". It was hysterical and sad. They both got thrown out.

[MASoccer]

Tough call on this one. If you look at a club like Western United a good portion of the coaches are parents of players. Other clubs like the Bolts, NEE, Inter, etc. do not historically have parents coach. Not sure if this is an actual policy, but at least it has been consistent. This will always be a controversial issue, and in my opinion, a no win situation for that parent/coach and their son/ daughter player. If they start their child and/ or give them a decent amount of playing time, it can be viewed as favoritism. If they go the opposite direction, they can really do a disservice to that child and can certainly result in some very silent family dinners. I have memories first hand of a father who was a stand out basketball player in college and had a short stint in the NBA (bench player for the Celtics back in the '60's) and how he coached his son. This boy could never do anything right. He would get the most verbal abuse of all the players on the team. One practice he clocked his son square in the jaw for not listening to him regarding a set play. His son played 90% of most games and was a stand out player, but it never seemed good enough to Dad. He ended up quitting basketball his senior year in college (Top Ten Big East School) and never returned to the game. This is obviously an extreme case, but it is certainly not the only example. There are many parents that live vicariously through their children. It's one thing to have them on the parents sideline it's another to have them coaching. The imbalance of attention on these players can not only do a disservice to them, but also neglect the other players on the other team.

Granted their are some great parent/ child coaching relationships, so I don't want people to think I'm categorizing all in the same way. Personally, however, I have seen more bad than good.

I was at the Cape Cod tournament in Dennis-Yarmouth many years ago. In the middle of the game there was a dispute between two coaches about who the coach was. They got into a screaming match.."I am the coach''... "No, I am the coach"..."No, I am". It was hysterical and sad. They both got thrown out.

Almost as funny as when the parents start fighting on the sidelines

[beentheredonethat]

I have coached two of my daughters. One was easy, the other almost drove me insane. I am now of the belief that it is far healthier for all concerned to pay someone else to coach my kids than do it myself. My experience in town soccer has absolutely confirmed this belief. Without question there is way more controversy in the town programs than in the clubs and the overwhelming majority of that controversy revolves the around the decisions of parent coaches.

[Cujo]

Not sure if I am stalking you but as seems to be the pattern I do disagree.

My opinion is that organizations should be able to use their best judgement regarding who they feel is best to coach their teams. Being a parent shouldnt disqualify an otherwise appropriate candidate. The rule is arbitrary and presumes that the parent is automatically less worthy. Parents can be outstanding coaches. There are countless examples.

The town travel coach supply would be severly diminished I would think. Imagine a perfectly capable parent with licensing and coaching ability being bypassed for an inferior coach because that is the best that can be found... not the best situation. Bad policy.

Scorpions have no policy vs. a parent coaching a team. We have found that most dont want to coach their own kids at club level. We would only accept a parent if he/she were the best option available to that team... but if they were the best option and we trusted their objectivity, we would not block them.

It is impossible for a parent to be objective coaching their own kid. Even if they do their best, it is unfair to the other kids on the team. Most parent coaches I know tend to play their kid less to attempt to show objectivity which is unfair to their own kid. I think Clubs/BAYS/Schools should do their best to avoid the potential conflict by finding an alternate coach at competitive soccer levels. If no qualified coach is available, then I agree that the parent should be allowed to coach. I find it hard to believe that competitive Clubs and Towns cannot find an alternative unless they don't try.

I wouldn't say it is impossible but it is difficult. I know several parents who coached their kids that overcompensated and set standards that were unfair to their child. This is done of course to compensate for the reaction that other parent sometimes have that the coach is favoring their child. As I stated earlier many town youth organizations would have a hard time surviving if parents were not allowed to coach their kids. I coached my daughter in town travel for a few years but after she left for MAPLE I did not coach her until she came back to play for me as a u18. I also coached her in HS but I had already been the coach at the school for a few years already and she decided to go there against my wishes. But we left the school choice up to her. I would have preferred otherwise and it was a mixed bag. I definitely was harder on her than I probably should have been but she understood why. All in all I think it is better if you don't coach your own kid. If for no other reason than it is easier on the family.

Not sure if I am stalking you but as seems to be the pattern I do disagree.

My opinion is that organizations should be able to use their best judgement regarding who they feel is best to coach their teams. Being a parent shouldnt disqualify an otherwise appropriate candidate. The rule is arbitrary and presumes that the parent is automatically less worthy. Parents can be outstanding coaches. There are countless examples.

The town travel coach supply would be severly diminished I would think. Imagine a perfectly capable parent with licensing and coaching ability being bypassed for an inferior coach because that is the best that can be found... not the best situation. Bad policy.

Scorpions have no policy vs. a parent coaching a team. We have found that most dont want to coach their own kids at club level. We would only accept a parent if he/she were the best option available to that team... but if they were the best option and we trusted their objectivity, we would not block them.

It is impossible for a parent to be objective coaching their own kid. Even if they do their best, it is unfair to the other kids on the team. Most parent coaches I know tend to play their kid less to attempt to show objectivity which is unfair to their own kid. I think Clubs/BAYS/Schools should do their best to avoid the potential conflict by finding an alternate coach at competitive soccer levels. If no qualified coach is available, then I agree that the parent should be allowed to coach. I find it hard to believe that competitive Clubs and Towns cannot find an alternative unless they don't try.

I wouldn't say it is impossible but it is difficult. I know several parents who coached their kids that overcompensated and set standards that were unfair to their child. This is done of course to compensate for the reaction that other parent sometimes have that the coach is favoring their child. As I stated earlier many town youth organizations would have a hard time surviving if parents were not allowed to coach their kids. I coached my daughter in town travel for a few years but after she left for MAPLE I did not coach her until she came back to play for me as a u18. I also coached her in HS but I had already been the coach at the school for a few years already and she decided to go there against my wishes. But we left the school choice up to her. I would have preferred otherwise and it was a mixed bag. I definitely was harder on her than I probably should have been but she understood why. All in all I think it is better if you don't coach your own kid. If for no other reason than it is easier on the family.

You must have coached your child in private school HS. A coach is forbidden from coaching a player in the off season in a public high school. Tough to follow that rule when it's your own kid.