Should Parents Coach Their Own Children

Sorry to categorize, generalize, and stereotype, but at the cost some clubs are charging, I want more than a parent as a coach.

If that parent happens to be a highly licensed coach with a kid on the team, they should not coach. Even the most objective coach/parent would be in a no win situation because every decision would be questioned. It's the appearance of the conflict of interest that should be avoided.

[Cujo]

Not sure if I am stalking you but as seems to be the pattern I do disagree.

My opinion is that organizations should be able to use their best judgement regarding who they feel is best to coach their teams. Being a parent shouldnt disqualify an otherwise appropriate candidate. The rule is arbitrary and presumes that the parent is automatically less worthy. Parents can be outstanding coaches. There are countless examples.

The town travel coach supply would be severly diminished I would think. Imagine a perfectly capable parent with licensing and coaching ability being bypassed for an inferior coach because that is the best that can be found... not the best situation. Bad policy.

Scorpions have no policy vs. a parent coaching a team. We have found that most dont want to coach their own kids at club level. We would only accept a parent if he/she were the best option available to that team... but if they were the best option and we trusted their objectivity, we would not block them.

It is impossible for a parent to be objective coaching their own kid. Even if they do their best, it is unfair to the other kids on the team. Most parent coaches I know tend to play their kid less to attempt to show objectivity which is unfair to their own kid. I think Clubs/BAYS/Schools should do their best to avoid the potential conflict by finding an alternate coach at competitive soccer levels. If no qualified coach is available, then I agree that the parent should be allowed to coach. I find it hard to believe that competitive Clubs and Towns cannot find an alternative unless they don't try.

I wouldn't say it is impossible but it is difficult. I know several parents who coached their kids that overcompensated and set standards that were unfair to their child. This is done of course to compensate for the reaction that other parent sometimes have that the coach is favoring their child. As I stated earlier many town youth organizations would have a hard time surviving if parents were not allowed to coach their kids. I coached my daughter in town travel for a few years but after she left for MAPLE I did not coach her until she came back to play for me as a u18. I also coached her in HS but I had already been the coach at the school for a few years already and she decided to go there against my wishes. But we left the school choice up to her. I would have preferred otherwise and it was a mixed bag. I definitely was harder on her than I probably should have been but she understood why. All in all I think it is better if you don't coach your own kid. If for no other reason than it is easier on the family.

You must have coached your child in private school HS. A coach is forbidden from coaching a player in the off season in a public high school. Tough to follow that rule when it's your own kid.

The rule was you cannot coach a team comprised of more than half bonafide players. Basically what I did during the offseason was take another HS coaches team and he took mine. My daughter played as a U18 after her HS career was over so it was ok by then. Not sure what the rule is now as I have taken a couple years off.

[Fred Marks]

"If that parent happens to be a highly licensed coach with a kid on the team, they should not coach. Even the most objective coach/parent would be in a no win situation because every decision would be questioned. It's the appearance of the conflict of interest that should be avoided."

I would contend that it is of utmost importance to find the best coach possibe. I dont care who he is related to. If he/she is good then the 'complaints' will be no more (and probably less) than 'plan B'.

"You must have coached your child in private school HS. A coach is forbidden from coaching a player in the off season in a public high school. Tough to follow that rule when it's your own kid."

The above statement is not correct. A coach may not coach any team or group that is made up of 50% or more of team members from their HS team.

"If that parent happens to be a highly licensed coach with a kid on the team, they should not coach. Even the most objective coach/parent would be in a no win situation because every decision would be questioned. It's the appearance of the conflict of interest that should be avoided."

I would contend that it is of utmost importance to find the best coach possibe. I dont care who he is related to. If he/she is good then the 'complaints' will be no more (and probably less) than 'plan B'.

"You must have coached your child in private school HS. A coach is forbidden from coaching a player in the off season in a public high school. Tough to follow that rule when it's your own kid."

The above statement is not correct. A coach may not coach any team or group that is made up of 50% or more of team members from their HS team.

I think whoever wrote the previous post was referring to a high school coaching situation not a high school coach coaching a club. I don't think there are any rules forbidding a high school coach from coaching his/her own child. The inconsistency is that there are MIAA rules prohibiting observing/coaching players during the off season. As the poster wrote, it's tough not to coach/observe/mentor your own kid during the off-season.

[Cujo]

"If that parent happens to be a highly licensed coach with a kid on the team, they should not coach. Even the most objective coach/parent would be in a no win situation because every decision would be questioned. It's the appearance of the conflict of interest that should be avoided."

I would contend that it is of utmost importance to find the best coach possibe. I dont care who he is related to. If he/she is good then the 'complaints' will be no more (and probably less) than 'plan B'.

"You must have coached your child in private school HS. A coach is forbidden from coaching a player in the off season in a public high school. Tough to follow that rule when it's your own kid."

The above statement is not correct. A coach may not coach any team or group that is made up of 50% or more of team members from their HS team.

I think whoever wrote the previous post was referring to a high school coaching situation not a high school coach coaching a club. I don't think there are any rules forbidding a high school coach from coaching his/her own child. The inconsistency is that there are MIAA rules prohibiting observing/coaching players during the off season. As the poster wrote, it's tough not to coach/observe/mentor your own kid during the off-season.

I think Fred clarified it properly. This is a common misconception. You cannot coach a team comprised of more than half your players. i.e. if you are running an indoor team with 9 kids on the team only 4 can be from your team. I always took bonafide to mean incoming players too i.e. incoming freshman who had not yet played for you but intended to do so.

The disruption on family that having a policy of not letting kids play for their parents is significant. I missed virtually all of my daughters U13 and U14 seasons. I think rather than having a hard and fast rule that clubs should handle things on a case by case basis and the local member towns should be allowed to make their own rules based upon their own needs. This is especially true if the coach preceeded his child. Why should they give up a coaching slot if they are competent. As for town organizations my experience is that there simply are not enough non parents to go around. If this is a BAYS wide initiative it will hurt the smaller members more than the larger members who have a larger pool of coaches to pull from. It would be interesting to know how this initiative got started. The presumption that a parent cannot handle their kid properly in this situation is simply not fair.

[tooslowtball]

In town soccer it will be almost impossible to not have parents coach because the pool is so small for volunteers. My advice is to definately make sure that you a properly certified to minimize problems,speak with and accent if you can (just a joke)

I coached my daughter but left when I felt it was not benefical to her or the team, sometimes another voice is needed. I am still not sure if that was a good move because the team went into the dumper and many of the girls I had the most problems with(13 year olds) told me they were not happy I left. (could have been lying)

I told my son when I coached his town team that I would yell more at him than anyone else so other players would not think I was favoring him. In all the years of Club soccer I don't think he has been yelled at as much as I did in one practice. He understood and there does not seem to be any lasting pshyicolgical problems (my wife says that is open to debate). I also played everyone equally (up to the last 5 minutes of the game) and actually used a stopwatch.

One of the main reasons to go to club soccer was to have non parents coach and coach unbaisly.

I enjoyed coaching my children and also enjoy coaching teams that do not have any of my kids on it. I have a unique coaching style that both my children use as they coach, Nothing warms the heart more than a child using an old coaching phrase that was used on them.

[Cujo]

In town soccer it will be almost impossible to not have parents coach because the pool is so small for volunteers. My advice is to definately make sure that you a properly certified to minimize problems,speak with and accent if you can (just a joke)

I coached my daughter but left when I felt it was not benefical to her or the team, sometimes another voice is needed. I am still not sure if that was a good move because the team went into the dumper and many of the girls I had the most problems with(13 year olds) told me they were not happy I left. (could have been lying)

I told my son when I coached his town team that I would yell more at him than anyone else so other players would not think I was favoring him. In all the years of Club soccer I don't think he has been yelled at as much as I did in one practice. He understood and there does not seem to be any lasting pshyicolgical problems (my wife says that is open to debate). I also played everyone equally (up to the last 5 minutes of the game) and actually used a stopwatch.

One of the main reasons to go to club soccer was to have non parents coach and coach unbaisly.

I enjoyed coaching my children and also enjoy coaching teams that do not have any of my kids on it. I have a unique coaching style that both my children use as they coach, Nothing warms the heart more than a child using an old coaching phrase that was used on them.

I think your post represents a common experience for many. It just illustrates that coaching is frequently a thankless task. If you get into it because you think you are going to please everyone then think again. I have a friend who is a sports psychologist. He says that coaching exacts a physical and mental toll that has serious health repurcusions. This is why he recommends taking time off every so often to recharge your batteries so to speak. Coaching and refereeing requires you to have really thick skin. As an adult it is fairly easy to handle. The hardest thing for me was the abuse that my wife and daughter took. Some of the abuse was careless and thoughtless - other was deliberate. If nothing else, NOT coaching your kid makes for a happier home life.

For town soccer the only way the large number of coaching slots can possibly be filled is with parent volunteers. Parent's coaching skills are all over the spectrum, but even if they aren't all that good of a coach the benefit is more kids are playing soccer. Relatively few parents are going to coach teams that conflict with their ability to be a parent to their own child unless they are a coach by vocation (usually HS or Club) I have seen some situations where a parent/coach has caused problems but many more and in fact the vast majority where it hasn't been a problem at all within town soccer.


stuff cut

One of the issues in the expansion of club soccer is that many of the town coaches would have come from the parents of these players.

So as MAPLE and MASC expand, you are diluting the pool of qualified town coaches.

Maybe it is time for the town programs to step up and recruit paid coaches and charge a premium for travel teams.
Or, as been suggested before, some vertical integration with a club program.

For town soccer the only way the large number of coaching slots can possibly be filled is with parent volunteers. Parent's coaching skills are all over the spectrum, but even if they aren't all that good of a coach the benefit is more kids are playing soccer. Relatively few parents are going to coach teams that conflict with their ability to be a parent to their own child unless they are a coach by vocation (usually HS or Club) I have seen some situations where a parent/coach has caused problems but many more and in fact the vast majority where it hasn't been a problem at all within town soccer.


stuff cut

One of the issues in the expansion of club soccer is that many of the town coaches would have come from the parents of these players.

So as MAPLE and MASC expand, you are diluting the pool of qualified town coaches.

Maybe it is time for the town programs to step up and recruit paid coaches and charge a premium for travel teams.
Or, as been suggested before, some vertical integration with a club program.

Or do away with dual rostering after U-12 and maybe now U-10. I'll bet that upwards of 85% of U-12s that play club also play town and that 70-75% of U-14s do. Always has been lots of debate about the value of dual rostering and the pressures it places on teams, coaches and kids. However, there is no doubt that it also artificially increases Mass. enrollment numbers and puts big pressure on already stretched resources like fields and coaches.

[Cujo]

For town soccer the only way the large number of coaching slots can possibly be filled is with parent volunteers. Parent's coaching skills are all over the spectrum, but even if they aren't all that good of a coach the benefit is more kids are playing soccer. Relatively few parents are going to coach teams that conflict with their ability to be a parent to their own child unless they are a coach by vocation (usually HS or Club) I have seen some situations where a parent/coach has caused problems but many more and in fact the vast majority where it hasn't been a problem at all within town soccer.


stuff cut

One of the issues in the expansion of club soccer is that many of the town coaches would have come from the parents of these players.

So as MAPLE and MASC expand, you are diluting the pool of qualified town coaches.

Maybe it is time for the town programs to step up and recruit paid coaches and charge a premium for travel teams.
Or, as been suggested before, some vertical integration with a club program.

Any stats available for how many people in Mass having coaching licenses for each level. How many have licenses D and above? There are roughly 15,000 teams in the state. How many licensed coaches are there and how many of these coaches are also the parents of players. There is a connection. If you have a soccer background it is likely that your kid will be a player as well. The idea that you can legislate these relationships out of existence is noble but is predicated on several wobbly assumptions. That the act of coaching your child is in fact a conflict of interest, that most parents can't handle the conflict professionally and ethically, and that the alternative will not cause more problems than it solves. If the idea of banning coaches is being done to satisfy a few whiny and envious parents who may or may not accurately be perceiving favoritism then I am not sure of the cure is worse that the alleged "disease".

Tough call on this one. If you look at a club like Western United a good portion of the coaches are parents of players. Other clubs like the Bolts, NEE, Inter, etc. do not historically have parents coach. Not sure if this is an actual policy, but at least it has been consistent.

This is not accurate. This past year the Bolts had multiple teams where a coach or assistant coach was also the parent of a player. Also, Onthree coached her daughter when she played for the Bolts.

Are there are there any rules/guidelines for HS coaches and their children playing for them?

Tough call on this one. If you look at a club like Western United a good portion of the coaches are parents of players. Other clubs like the Bolts, NEE, Inter, etc. do not historically have parents coach. Not sure if this is an actual policy, but at least it has been consistent.

This is not accurate. This past year the Bolts had multiple teams where a coach or assistant coach was also the parent of a player. Also, Onthree coached her daughter when she played for the Bolts.

Are there are there any rules/guidelines for HS coaches and their children playing for them?

Assistant? Yes. Head coach? No.

Both Inter and the Stars on the boys side (at least) have had parent head coaches over the previous years.

Francis Okaroh's daughter was on his girls team. I think Tim Wheaton is also coaching his daughter.

As is Costas Flessas....

[MASC]

MASC and MAPLE are not diluting the town coaching pool. There are large numbers of club coaches who train town players/teams and coach town teams playing in town leagues.

As with coaching your own child, a club coach coaching their own club players on a town team has a similar balancing act.

It definitely is common practice and does work to the benefit of those players who choose not to play in any other venue than town soccer.

All of my children have had town coaches who also coached club teams. These coaches brought a great of experience and expertise to the town teams.

What one clearly saw are the benefits of the extra practices and working in a more focused soccer environment. Even a casual observer could readily pick out the club players on the town teams. The top level town teams would typically have a significant number of club players and the games were very competitive and quite interesting. These teams would be competitive against many club teams (of course take away the club players ...).

The regions of the state where there is a "dilution" of town coaching talent is where the town leagues have purposely scheduled in direct conflict with the open leagues (MASC and MAPLE) to as actively as possible discourage any participation in club soccer.