Coaching abuse - parents, how far will you let it go?

[Unregistered]

Yes, my child complained to us, basically expressing how "mean" the coach was to the kids and my child gave specific examples. I questioned my child's complaints thinking my child might be too soft and that my child needs to learn how to work with tougher coaches, however I went to see for myself at several practices and I was floored. Couldn't believe this coach was coaching youth. Fantastic drills and very advanced, but at the price of fun and being berated and demoralized? I would never compromise my child's passion for the sport for a credentialed, but abusive coach.

Here's the predicament: how do you get a pro-rated refund when you've paid the club in full? Clubs have strict refund policies and won't refund once you've already paid.

Give me a refund or I go public and not just Talking soccer. News papers, TV stations and other social media. Simply promise to keep it factual

[Unregistered]

Yes, my child complained to us, basically expressing how "mean" the coach was to the kids and my child gave specific examples. I questioned my child's complaints thinking my child might be too soft and that my child needs to learn how to work with tougher coaches, however I went to see for myself at several practices and I was floored. Couldn't believe this coach was coaching youth. Fantastic drills and very advanced, but at the price of fun and being berated and demoralized? I would never compromise my child's passion for the sport for a credentialed, but abusive coach.

Here's the predicament: how do you get a pro-rated refund when you've paid the club in full? Clubs have strict refund policies and won't refund once you've already paid.

U forfeit the money. Small price to pay to keep your child on a positive track.

[Unregistered]

I hate to say this but my child is a U14 and he/she has only had one coach that I would consider good. The other coaches could have been considered abusive in one form or another. I have moved my child to different clubs in hopes of a good coach but have not been satisfied anywhere.

In your case, the problem isn't the coaches...

[Unregistered]

Make sure you get your player card. If you don't pay your dues they can and will hold your player card making it impossible to go place elsewhere. Unfortunately clubs will release your kid and card when paid. Sounds like you're paid up.

[Unregistered]

I respect what you did and we will do the same and remove our child from this toxic environment, however we are not in the same financial position as you. We need the money to move to the other club, and we believe in principle too, that a refund should be given based on the coach abuse. Has anyone been able to get a refund based on dissatisfaction with the coach and club?

File charges for abuse. Maybe that'll get your money back.

[Unregistered]

Make sure you get your player card. If you don't pay your dues they can and will hold your player card making it impossible to go place elsewhere. Unfortunately clubs will release your kid and card when paid. Sounds like you're paid up.

The card doesn't matter. Until your current club release your kid in the registration system (Affinity in Oregon), they can't be registered for any other club. And they usually won't do the release if they haven't been paid per the agreement you signed.

[Unregistered]

It should be fun. You can work hard and still have fun. There were some situations with my oldest (boy in college) that I tolerated. Boys are supposed to be tough. I thought I was wimpy. Watching it all play out I should have trusted my instincts. I would go watch a few other practices of other teams. Decide where you want to go. Talk to the DOC. Maybe you can negotiate.

We need more John Wooden's and fewer Bobby Knights. You can coach, lead and inspire without using profanity or negative comments.

[Unregistered]

Start with a conversation with the DOC and explain the situation. Obviously no DOC is going to say being verbally abusive to 11 year olds is acceptable. There's a decent chance the DOC will offer to watch a few practices and step in if necessary. Probably the DOC would have a talk with the coach in any event.

If it has gone too far already -- have the talk with the DOC and offer to pay half the year. The refund the balance and you promise to say nothing. No DOC or coach really wants unhappy players/parents around. Most will say if a kid or their parents want to make a move then fine and will be fairly reasonable on the money side.

I will say this -- in my very limited experience coaches who yell at or are otherwise questionably mean to their players may well have other, serious problems, and why have your kid around that? And, I do not consider "yelling at" to include a coach who will yell across a practice field regular instructions or directions. My daughter's best coach was a big guy with a big voice, and he was a little scary to some of the girls. He was always great with the kids, but he was loud.

[Unregistered]

I don't mind coaches who raise their voice when trying to make a point. I draw the line when coaches berate their players disrespectfully and publicly.

[Unregistered]

I don't mind coaches who raise their voice when trying to make a point. I draw the line when coaches berate their players disrespectfully and publicly.

And what about the players who berate their coaches and the referees disrespectfully and publicly? Should they be barred from playing?

[Unregistered]

And what about the players who berate their coaches and the referees disrespectfully and publicly? Should they be barred from playing?

I think so! We have one girl on our team that does that but she's a star so the coach isn't allowed to do anything (DoC doesn't want her splitting for another team). Refs only rarely give her yellows. If she were a male player, she'd already have many reds. Refs just don't generally give girls yellows - and almost never a red - even when it's warranted.

[Unregistered]

stupid.

I think so! We have one girl on our team that does that but she's a star so the coach isn't allowed to do anything (DoC doesn't want her splitting for another team). Refs only rarely give her yellows. If she were a male player, she'd already have many reds. Refs just don't generally give girls yellows - and almost never a red - even when it's warranted.

Apparently you haven't watched many girl games. They get yellow cards and red cards. Boys seem to have lesser control over their emotions and fight more often than girls. Your observations are truly stupid.

[Unregistered]

And what about the players who berate their coaches and the referees disrespectfully and publicly? Should they be barred from playing?

Players typically sign a code of conduct contract too. Coach and DOC should talk to player and if behavior doesn't change, release them.

[Unregistered]

Here's the predicament: how do you get a pro-rated refund when you've paid the club in full? Clubs have strict refund policies and won't refund once you've already paid.

Maybe times have changed but I had one incident many years ago at ESUFC. I went to the DOC to discuss possible solutions to the problem (which was not necessarily the coach). The DOC was the most pathetic excuse (no it was not GW) for anyone working with children than I have ever encountered. He basically told me to like it or lump it and by the way; my kid isn't that good. (Same kid plays D1). This was the beginning of the season and I was only half way paid. We had not even had one game. We chose to leave the club and the club held our player card as ransom until we paid the full balance for the season (approx $750).

Fortunately for us the club we ended up at gave us a break because of the player card ransom issue. I do not think this is unique behavour for ESUFC or now ET but rather a larger problem and depends on the DOC. I feel for you but my take is that no matter the cost you are the only one who avocates for your child. Trust your gut.

[Unregistered]

Maybe times have changed but I had one incident many years ago at ESUFC. I went to the DOC to discuss possible solutions to the problem (which was not necessarily the coach). The DOC was the most pathetic excuse (no it was not GW) for anyone working with children than I have ever encountered. He basically told me to like it or lump it and by the way; my kid isn't that good. (Same kid plays D1). This was the beginning of the season and I was only half way paid. We had not even had one game. We chose to leave the club and the club held our player card as ransom until we paid the full balance for the season (approx $750).

Fortunately for us the club we ended up at gave us a break because of the player card ransom issue. I do not think this is unique behavour for ESUFC or now ET but rather a larger problem and depends on the DOC. I feel for you but my take is that no matter the cost you are the only one who avocates for your child. Trust your gut.

Good advice but expensive.