Parent dynamics in a team? Confused dad.

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I know your trying to be funny but life is much easier for children you're describing. No one treats those kids badly. Not their peer group and not their parents. Having a child like the poster's daughter is much more challenging.

True. Underachievers have very low expectations and little pressure to perform athletically and socially. It's the top players that have to deal with all the jealousy from teammates and their parents.

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My kid sucks, but was asked to join this special elite team to round out the roster. He has not played a minute during the preseason and sits on the edge of the bench by himself. Should we host a bonding party to help him be accepted? Husband is so worried...

No. Save your money for the psychiatric help your child is going to need.

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With girls, a little on the outside is not a bad place to be at all. Stick to the soccer. The social dynamics of girls can be exhausting with constant jockeying for position among the queen bees. Not for the faint of heart.

But don't over react. one day you are in, then you are out, then you are in. See if you and your daughter can be patient, keep a sense of humor where possible and they will all (or at least most) eventfully mature and exhibit improved behaviors.

[Unregistered]

With girls, a little on the outside is not a bad place to be at all. Stick to the soccer. The social dynamics of girls can be exhausting with constant jockeying for position among the queen bees. Not for the faint of heart.

But don't over react. one day you are in, then you are out, then you are in. See if you and your daughter can be patient, keep a sense of humor where possible and they will all (or at least most) eventfully mature and exhibit improved behaviors.

Just to add to this....the social dynamics of parents of girl soccer players is exhausting too. Although I am sure that the OP and his wife are 'perfect' they might want to be mindful of any perceived arrogance, especially as they are the new 'kids on the block'. I am sure that they are saints......but the way the OP describes his daughter and how the coach feels about her 'impact-factor', one has to wonder if their first impression was not perfect.

[Unregistered]

Just to add to this....the social dynamics of parents of girl soccer players is exhausting too. Although I am sure that the OP and his wife are 'perfect' they might want to be mindful of any perceived arrogance, especially as they are the new 'kids on the block'. I am sure that they are saints......but the way the OP describes his daughter and how the coach feels about her 'impact-factor', one has to wonder if their first impression was not perfect.

The families of the team are dysfunctional. Rise above and wait for things to shake out next year.

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In my experience it's not the girls that make plans to hang out, it's the parents. And the kids just come along for the ride. So my suggestion is you make a bigger effort to chat up the other parents.

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True. Underachievers have very low expectations and little pressure to perform athletically and socially. It's the top players that have to deal with all the jealousy from teammates and their parents.

Then why are they on my son's NEFC elite team?

[Unregistered]

True. Underachievers have very low expectations and little pressure to perform athletically and socially. It's the top players that have to deal with all the jealousy from teammates and their parents.

Oh, you're so right, oh my gosh.
Nobody gets how hard it is to be popular and smartest in the class and the best soccer player. And if you're pretty, it only gets worse. And, geez, if mom is hot and drives a nice shiny lexus, the other girls get so jealous.
I'm glad somebody finally understands me...

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You don't mention the age group but you do say it's a big club. If the age group is U14 and older and it's a big club, you shouldn't be there looking to make friends. Those kids are looking to play soccer at the next level. Friendships between parents or the girls are secondary.

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Girls are such bitches.

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Girls are such bitches.

And parents

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so as a dad who grew up in a house full of boys but now has two of each, welcome to the world of how girls are just fundamentally wired different than boys, and it influences parent behavior as they want to sometimes over-protect their girls based upon my limited observations of both. There seems to me to be a much more social/hierarchical aspect in girl based teams than boys. Not as much of the "clique" thing or "queen bee" thing, and boys tend to be more direct with other boys in how they communicate and are less subtle. But I generally agree that at that age, if you are at a big club playing on one of the top teams, unless it is affecting on field play and hindering ones opportunity to develop, make an effort to build relationships on the team. If in the end the parents are just a bunch of knuckleheads and it doesnt work for your daughter and she is that good, move on when you get the chance.

[Unregistered]

so as a dad who grew up in a house full of boys but now has two of each, welcome to the world of how girls are just fundamentally wired different than boys, and it influences parent behavior as they want to sometimes over-protect their girls based upon my limited observations of both. There seems to me to be a much more social/hierarchical aspect in girl based teams than boys. Not as much of the "clique" thing or "queen bee" thing, and boys tend to be more direct with other boys in how they communicate and are less subtle. But I generally agree that at that age, if you are at a big club playing on one of the top teams, unless it is affecting on field play and hindering ones opportunity to develop, make an effort to build relationships on the team. If in the end the parents are just a bunch of knuckleheads and it doesnt work for your daughter and she is that good, move on when you get the chance.

It is not normal behavior, and my D is on a top club. You won't get the truth here because the club that I suspect your D is with monitors the site. But if it doesn't get better, you always have a choice.

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It is not normal behavior, and my D is on a top club. You won't get the truth here because the club that I suspect your D is with monitors the site. But if it doesn't get better, you always have a choice.

This entire thread has become ridiculous-amateur psychologists opining away on girls team dynamics.
The problem is in perception:YOURS
You all think your daughter is better than she is, EVERYONE of you.
Therefore, the team concept cannot exist.

[Unregistered]

You might consider being part of the solution. Step up and organize a team dinner at the hotel. Most soccer tournament type hotels have a simple are that your can reserve. Order platters from a local restaurant and split the cost. Include the parents and encourage coolers to be brought along. It's saves everyone $$$ by not going out and keeps the team together. Most team managers don't want to organize so you could gain some social currency by stepping up.

Bottom line is that soccer teams are forced socialization. All 18 kids are never going to get along and same applies with parents. Find a few friends and try to enjoy the experience. Having your wife in a battle with the other Moms won't end well for you or your kid.