Parent dynamics in a team? Confused dad.

[Unregistered]

This entire thread has become ridiculous-amateur psychologists opining away on girls team dynamics.
The problem is in perception:YOURS
You all think your daughter is better than she is, EVERYONE of you.
Therefore, the team concept cannot exist.

Finally....we have heard from 'mr angry'.

[Unregistered]

You might consider being part of the solution. Step up and organize a team dinner at the hotel. Most soccer tournament type hotels have a simple are that your can reserve. Order platters from a local restaurant and split the cost. Include the parents and encourage coolers to be brought along. It's saves everyone $$$ by not going out and keeps the team together. Most team managers don't want to organize so you could gain some social currency by stepping up.

Bottom line is that soccer teams are forced socialization. All 18 kids are never going to get along and same applies with parents. Find a few friends and try to enjoy the experience. Having your wife in a battle with the other Moms won't end well for you or your kid.

Sounds like a productive solution and good way to model problem solving.

[Unregistered]

You might consider being part of the solution. Step up and organize a team dinner at the hotel. Most soccer tournament type hotels have a simple are that your can reserve. Order platters from a local restaurant and split the cost. Include the parents and encourage coolers to be brought along. It's saves everyone $$$ by not going out and keeps the team together. Most team managers don't want to organize so you could gain some social currency by stepping up.

Bottom line is that soccer teams are forced socialization. All 18 kids are never going to get along and same applies with parents. Find a few friends and try to enjoy the experience. Having your wife in a battle with the other Moms won't end well for you or your kid.

First, you, as the new person on the block don't need to nor should you 'step up and organize a team dinner' for a group of people that you barely know the names of. The team manager should do this.

I agree with the bottom of your quote....start slow and introduce yourselves to a few parents. You can tell the 'alpha' parents from the rest. I might stay away from the alphas for a bit as they might see you as how they want you to be....'sucking up' and further giving them more power as the alpha-parents. Try not to be arrogant. So far, it seems that you might be so based on the way you describe your child and how the coach seems to consider her an 'impact player'. Humble and quiet might be good.

It is also possible that you and your wife might be part of the problem....just sayin'

By the way....for those who call the girls 'bitches'.....although this might be less of an issue with the boys....there are some boy-bitches as well....and their parents may not be any different.

[Unregistered]

Finally....we have heard from 'mr angry'.

Not angry at all
Just right.

[Unregistered]

Not angry at all
Just right.

Yeah, no. Very angry, very hostileand clearly very insecure.

There's some good advice on this thread. I find what you put out is what you get back. If you are friendly and supportive that's how others will be with you as well.

[Unregistered]

Yes, anyone that feels the need to tell others how terrible their kids are clearly is suffering from an outsized inferiority complex.

Parents whose kids are very talented are generally pretty secure (note I said generally). It's the parents whose kids are on the bubble that are the ones least likely to be generous.

[Unregistered]

Yes, anyone that feels the need to tell others how terrible their kids are clearly is suffering from an outsized inferiority complex.

Parents whose kids are very talented are generally pretty secure (note I said generally). It's the parents whose kids are on the bubble that are the ones least likely to be generous.

Have some very down to earth secure parents and players on the team that are not the star players. And have seen very talented players that deserve to be much secure then they are. I think it is more an internal personality trait then the result of any lack or abundance of talent.

[Unregistered]

Just to add to this....the social dynamics of parents of girl soccer players is exhausting too. Although I am sure that the OP and his wife are 'perfect' they might want to be mindful of any perceived arrogance, especially as they are the new 'kids on the block'. I am sure that they are saints......but the way the OP describes his daughter and how the coach feels about her 'impact-factor', one has to wonder if their first impression was not perfect.

I got this same impression. Sounds like "helicopter parents".

[Unregistered]

Yes, anyone that feels the need to tell others how terrible their kids are clearly is suffering from an outsized inferiority complex.

Parents whose kids are very talented are generally pretty secure (note I said generally). It's the parents whose kids are on the bubble that are the ones least likely to be generous.

Mr angry here...if you can read, you will comprehend that the thread has turned ridiculous, mainly as a result of insecure parents posting about their wonderfully talented daughters struggles to fit in.
Oh, woe is me.
They do suffer from perception issues-maybe their kid is not the superstar.
How is or was any previous post a denigration of the player-it is directed solely at the parents, who if they are lucky enough to be secure, are not posting on this site.
Other than btdt.

[Unregistered]

Mr angry here...if you can read, you will comprehend that the thread has turned ridiculous, mainly as a result of insecure parents posting about their wonderfully talented daughters struggles to fit in.
Oh, woe is me.
They do suffer from perception issues-maybe their kid is not the superstar.
How is or was any previous post a denigration of the player-it is directed solely at the parents, who if they are lucky enough to be secure, are not posting on this site.
Other than btdt.

Not ridiculous at all. The thread has touched upon all the angles and have not minimized the possibility that the new parents might be part of the issue as well.
A major problem here is that, like many many threads on this site, the parents seem to get way to involved to the point of feeling that they themselves are insulted instead of recognizing that it is about their kids.

That said, there should be 'job descriptions' that dictate what the coach and managers do. Assuming (big assumption) that the managers are benefitting from being managers, then their should be some kind of planned intro/welcoming of new kids and parents....more so the latter since the kids meet each other right away on the field. This does not have to be a formal form of anything other than a quick email or real life intro. Unfortunately, there are always going to be parents who are threatened and won't want to welcome the new 'competition'. In the end, these parents are the ones who lose out.

[Unregistered]

My daughter is new to the team and we are new to the big club. In 3 months, she played in four summer tournaments and scored 14 goals/6 assists. Coach said that she was becoming an impact player. Sound great, right?

My daughter was excluded from couple outings during the last tournament. I found
out when a nicer parent asked us where we were. I guess she was excluded from many
team bonding events from last three tournaments. My wife is on the warpath and
said, "Those b**ches!" Yikes. I want to avoid mom drama, but it appears unavoidable.

Is this pretty normal for moms to scheme to exclude certain players from events?
Any insights? This is really odd and weird for me.

I'd just sit tight and tell your wife that she's going to make matters worse if she goes down the parent-politics war path. Hell, maybe the outings were all the single moms and they didn't want a dad there. You never know what's going on.

[Unregistered]

I'd just sit tight and tell your wife that she's going to make matters worse if she goes down the parent-politics war path. Hell, maybe the outings were all the single moms and they didn't want a dad there. You never know what's going on.

I agree - tread lightly. Especially because you're still the proverbial new kids at school, I'd hang back, observe, and just find a family or two that you click with and then take it from there. I've found soccer parent dynamics to be very odd/tricky. My kid was not an especially good player, but I sensed the most strife from the middle of the pack players, whereas the stud player families were pretty decent to us. Also, with tournaments - I found most managers do not do any kind of dinner/outing plans, and it's just a few families getting together on-the-fly. Only once did the entire team get together for a dinner. We got left out a few times and yeah, it was like *** is going on here. However, a few times we were included whereas other families got ditched. I learned to not worry about it. It's really just an opportunity to bond with your kid, so I'd keep that in the back of your mind.

[Unregistered]

OP here. Thank you all for your comments. 4 tournaments during the summer were crazy and
very tiring. I think it was mostly the "fog of war" during the tournaments, impromptu outings,
and old habits, rather than calculated meanness. Many of these players and parents have been together in the same team or club for 4+ years, so almost like family with all the time spent together, good and bad. My wife is a little less generous than my outlook, but acknowledges, stuff happens under stress, lack of sleep, and traveling. Got her to reduce to DEFCON 3 level.

These tournaments did forced the new birth year teams and parents to reset, to reevaluate, and to gel for league play. I am figuring these are just the bumps along the way.
Thanks again.

[Unregistered]

OP here. Thank you all for your comments. 4 tournaments during the summer were crazy and
very tiring. I think it was mostly the "fog of war" during the tournaments, impromptu outings,
and old habits, rather than calculated meanness. Many of these players and parents have been together in the same team or club for 4+ years, so almost like family with all the time spent together, good and bad. My wife is a little less generous than my outlook, but acknowledges, stuff happens under stress, lack of sleep, and traveling. Got her to reduce to DEFCON 3 level.

These tournaments did forced the new birth year teams and parents to reset, to reevaluate, and to gel for league play. I am figuring these are just the bumps along the way.
Thanks again.

I am still wondering the role that you and your wife play in the lack of constructive interaction. At no time have you told us that you wife is not a bitch. I am still wondering if you and/or your wife have presented an arrogant front....screaming from the sidelines that your daughter is open and why don't the rest pass to your 'impact' daughter.....

just still wondering....

[Unregistered]

I am still wondering the role that you and your wife play in the lack of constructive interaction. At no time have you told us that you wife is not a bitch. I am still wondering if you and/or your wife have presented an arrogant front....screaming from the sidelines that your daughter is open and why don't the rest pass to your 'impact' daughter.....

just still wondering....

Go to bed and try getting up on the right side tomorrow.