Incredible post copied from Washington

[Guest]

“It is a recognized psychological phenomenon that a large majority of people think they are vastly better (at sports, at work, at anything) than they really are. It is also a fact that the predominate philosophy guiding society today rejects personal responsibility -- everyone is a victim of some perceived purported unfairness or is "unlucky." Thus, no one wants to honestly assess the strengths and weakness of their kids at anything -- let alone at soccer. Most people think their kids are way better than they are and falsely think they have some future in soccer. This causes them to get highly invested in things that are meaningless. Then, combine that with the decline of basic human decency that pervades our entire society, and you have soccer parents.”

This is all too true, but we can all come together to turn this around a create a better environment for all of Oregon soccer.

[Guest]

So we shouldn't create things like Academy programs, Elite Academy Leagues, Champions Leagues, Elite Club National Leagues, and Elite 64 Leagues when the players are just youth players.

[Guest]

I've often wondered about this. My son finds it particularly amusing how deluded his teammates can be about their skills.

There is something to be said for confidence and persistence (fake it till you make it), but a little bit of accuracy in perceptions never hurt either!

[Guest]

“It is a recognized psychological phenomenon that a large majority of people think they are vastly better (at sports, at work, at anything) than they really are. It is also a fact that the predominate philosophy guiding society today rejects personal responsibility -- everyone is a victim of some perceived purported unfairness or is "unlucky." Thus, no one wants to honestly assess the strengths and weakness of their kids at anything -- let alone at soccer. Most people think their kids are way better than they are and falsely think they have some future in soccer. This causes them to get highly invested in things that are meaningless. Then, combine that with the decline of basic human decency that pervades our entire society, and you have soccer parents.”

This is all too true, but we can all come together to turn this around a create a better environment for all of Oregon soccer.

At this point all we can do is come together, hold hands and pray.

[Guest]

So we shouldn't create things like Academy programs, Elite Academy Leagues, Champions Leagues, Elite Club National Leagues, and Elite 64 Leagues when the players are just youth players.

Perhaps the solution is to return to rec soccer with volunteer coaches (many of whom will be highly knowledgeable who just do it out of love for the game). That system used to produce college and pro players and it doesn’t seem as if our national team (group round elimination at copa america) is better now than in past decades.

[Guest]

Perhaps the solution is to return to rec soccer with volunteer coaches (many of whom will be highly knowledgeable who just do it out of love for the game). That system used to produce college and pro players and it doesn’t seem as if our national team (group round elimination at copa america) is better now than in past decades.

Some club parents not going to like this one. “How dare my inherited trust fund not be able to pay the way for my kid to be better at soccer than the far more talented and athletic low income kid who can’t afford youth club soccer”

[Guest]

At this point all we can do is come together, hold hands and pray.

Instead bring your singles and your kid to a community or HS turf field that you have no permit to be on, early in the AM and do as the ex pat private trainer says 'MAKE IT RAIN!, Daddy.

[Guest]

On the original post, I agree that people overestimate their abilities. This is why you have lots of kids trying out for teams they have no business trying out for. We see it in adults too. I see applications for my business from people that have no chance in getting the job. That's ok though. You can learn from being told no.

Some people do complain about unfairness. Yep. So what. Some people have assets that give them more access than others. Some will do well with that increased access and support. Some waste their advantages.

I don't know if my kid has a future in soccer. I assume there is no chance they will make much, if any, money off of it. That is not the reason we support our kid's pursuit of soccer.

I don't see how you avoid those with fatter wallets from assisting their kids. I don't see have you can change things so that there is equal footing.

Let me give you my own example, because I have no problem admitting that I spend money to help my kids get ahead. I have one kid doing soccer but others do other things and we support all of them where it makes sense. I want them to figure how to succeed and giving opportunities has helped them grow. I want them all to push themselves and being able to pay fees/costs for their interests has helped them grow. I have two grown kids now. My youngest is the one in soccer.

We do relatively well. We have disposable income.

My soccer kid practices on their own without us asking. The kid will also wants extra training because their stated goals are to be better than so and so, play on such and such team and play D1.

We investigated ways to speed their growth and help them learn skills and spent money that way. This is not our first club sport rodeo. We don't drive BMWs and such, don't travel on lavish vacations, have not bought a massive house--which makes it much easier to pay for extra training, camps, and to be on travel teams.

The kid works their butt off. The kid asks to do the trainings and camps. We don't say yes to everything. The kid does well in school, so they are handling the workload. Selfishly, as parents we enjoy watching them succeed and the soccer journey has been fun. There have also been failures. Painful as those have been, I have enjoyed the kid working through those, resetting and resuming the work. Its been a great bond and the kid actually expresses gratitude (they still exhibit other less pleasant teenager behaviors) for their opportunities.

I know that there are others that have more natural talent than my kid. But my kid works. We can pay for training to help their work be more productive. I am aware that some stuff we pay for is not as useful as other things. yes I know we could just make the kid find a wall and tell them to figure it out, but good coaching helps skills and motivation.

SO you can try to create pathways that do not require all of the $$$$$ but I am telling you that people like me are still going to look for ways to support our kids doing what they are interested in doing. And we will pay the dough that many cannot afford to pay or maybe just don't want to pay. And I don't feel bad about it. I do feel blessed I can do it.

My background frankly certainly feeds why we do what we do. I grew up with a family that did not make a ton of money. Certainly my willingness to pay for this adventure has roots in my lack of opportunity as a kid.

Money can tip the scales a bit, but really only if the player wants it. Don't know if my kid will play in college, but we are enjoying the journey.

I figure it costs us $10 to $12k per year currently. We could cut that down by not traveling with the kid to some tournaments.

We had a kid that played another sport competitively. It was about the same sort of cost, and I am resigned that this is just how youth sports are today. Soccer is not special. The older kid is now in college and not playing that sport because he wanted to go to a particular school. He could have played maybe at a lower D1 school and certainly D2/D3 (had offers). He was fine being done. Do we still talk fondly of his youth sport? Yep. And he actually has used his skill in that sport to gain introductions to people that he would not have met otherwise. So you never know what all of the benefits will be.

[Guest]

Some club parents not going to like this one. “How dare my inherited trust fund not be able to pay the way for my kid to be better at soccer than the far more talented and athletic low income kid who can’t afford youth club soccer”

Newsflash all big clubs nation wide have financial aid programs for those who can't afford youth club soccer. If you join a big club you'd be integrated amongst those who struggle to make ends meet, those who sit in the middle, those who do well and then the so called "trust fund" parents you are taking a jab at. There are tens of thousands of lower income parents around the country who have sought out these opportunities for their kid's while you cry on the internet with the victim card.

[Guest]

On the original post, I agree that people overestimate their abilities. This is why you have lots of kids trying out for teams they have no business trying out for. We see it in adults too. I see applications for my business from people that have no chance in getting the job. That's ok though. You can learn from being told no.

Some people do complain about unfairness. Yep. So what. Some people have assets that give them more access than others. Some will do well with that increased access and support. Some waste their advantages.

I don't know if my kid has a future in soccer. I assume there is no chance they will make much, if any, money off of it. That is not the reason we support our kid's pursuit of soccer.

I don't see how you avoid those with fatter wallets from assisting their kids. I don't see have you can change things so that there is equal footing.

Let me give you my own example, because I have no problem admitting that I spend money to help my kids get ahead. I have one kid doing soccer but others do other things and we support all of them where it makes sense. I want them to figure how to succeed and giving opportunities has helped them grow. I want them all to push themselves and being able to pay fees/costs for their interests has helped them grow. I have two grown kids now. My youngest is the one in soccer.

We do relatively well. We have disposable income.

My soccer kid practices on their own without us asking. The kid will also wants extra training because their stated goals are to be better than so and so, play on such and such team and play D1.

We investigated ways to speed their growth and help them learn skills and spent money that way. This is not our first club sport rodeo. We don't drive BMWs and such, don't travel on lavish vacations, have not bought a massive house--which makes it much easier to pay for extra training, camps, and to be on travel teams.

The kid works their butt off. The kid asks to do the trainings and camps. We don't say yes to everything. The kid does well in school, so they are handling the workload. Selfishly, as parents we enjoy watching them succeed and the soccer journey has been fun. There have also been failures. Painful as those have been, I have enjoyed the kid working through those, resetting and resuming the work. Its been a great bond and the kid actually expresses gratitude (they still exhibit other less pleasant teenager behaviors) for their opportunities.

I know that there are others that have more natural talent than my kid. But my kid works. We can pay for training to help their work be more productive. I am aware that some stuff we pay for is not as useful as other things. yes I know we could just make the kid find a wall and tell them to figure it out, but good coaching helps skills and motivation.

SO you can try to create pathways that do not require all of the $$$$$ but I am telling you that people like me are still going to look for ways to support our kids doing what they are interested in doing. And we will pay the dough that many cannot afford to pay or maybe just don't want to pay. And I don't feel bad about it. I do feel blessed I can do it.

My background frankly certainly feeds why we do what we do. I grew up with a family that did not make a ton of money. Certainly my willingness to pay for this adventure has roots in my lack of opportunity as a kid.

Money can tip the scales a bit, but really only if the player wants it. Don't know if my kid will play in college, but we are enjoying the journey.

I figure it costs us $10 to $12k per year currently. We could cut that down by not traveling with the kid to some tournaments.

We had a kid that played another sport competitively. It was about the same sort of cost, and I am resigned that this is just how youth sports are today. Soccer is not special. The older kid is now in college and not playing that sport because he wanted to go to a particular school. He could have played maybe at a lower D1 school and certainly D2/D3 (had offers). He was fine being done. Do we still talk fondly of his youth sport? Yep. And he actually has used his skill in that sport to gain introductions to people that he would not have met otherwise. So you never know what all of the benefits will be.

Sir this is a Wendy’s…

[Guest]

There of course, is the problem of personal trainers swindling B-team players into thinking they can be stars with just the right extra coaching.

[Guest]

There of course, is the problem of personal trainers swindling B-team players into thinking they can be stars with just the right extra coaching.

I wonder if it has to be a swindle though. Just like you can pay for your kid to take piano lessons without the expectation that they become a professional musician, you can hire a private soccer coach to help them improve their skills for the sheer joy of working toward improved mastery of an activity they love. And doesn't a good trainer deserve to be compensated for their time? "B-team players" can benefit from learning better technique and playing better in their games too. Maybe we just got lucky. My son has done a few private sessions with a coach and has never been told he'll be a star, but he has been pretty excited about the skills he learned.

[Guest]

I wonder if it has to be a swindle though. Just like you can pay for your kid to take piano lessons without the expectation that they become a professional musician, you can hire a private soccer coach to help them improve their skills for the sheer joy of working toward improved mastery of an activity they love. And doesn't a good trainer deserve to be compensated for their time? "B-team players" can benefit from learning better technique and playing better in their games too. Maybe we just got lucky. My son has done a few private sessions with a coach and has never been told he'll be a star, but he has been pretty excited about the skills he learned.

100% agree. Same with my kid. They enjoy the game. They want to do better. Direction (that is not from me) has added positively to my daughter's experience.

Even if your kid is in high school and playing on Surf's 3rd team there is a place for personal training. Maybe the kid is just hoping to play varsity someday. And even if someone has unrealistic expectations... is this really a problem? Who cares, caveat emptor with all these sorts of things.

Worse is when you sign on with a club for an entire year and the club can't even keep a coach. I know people with kids that were formerly on UPDX B teams and coaches left, didn't show up, etc. They felt like UPDX was just full of broken promises. To be stuck with that for a year is way worse than paying for a few unfruitful private sessions.

[Guest]

I wonder if it has to be a swindle though. Just like you can pay for your kid to take piano lessons without the expectation that they become a professional musician, you can hire a private soccer coach to help them improve their skills for the sheer joy of working toward improved mastery of an activity they love. And doesn't a good trainer deserve to be compensated for their time? "B-team players" can benefit from learning better technique and playing better in their games too. Maybe we just got lucky. My son has done a few private sessions with a coach and has never been told he'll be a star, but he has been pretty excited about the skills he learned.

My kid's piano teacher never promised anything more than they would teach my kid to play piano, and they did; there was never a promise that any kid would become a professional musician.

If a trainer is making promises along the lines of "we will help you improve your soccer skills" and nothing more, I have no problem with that.

It's the guys who tell the B-team players, players who are a long way from becoming stars (and in many case, lack the physical attributes and "talent" to do so, no matter how hard they might work), that they can make them into stars that I have a problem with. Guys who boast of their connections to the pros, and then when the ultimately fails, it's always the same reason why--"you didn't work hard enough".

[Guest]

My kid's piano teacher never promised anything more than they would teach my kid to play piano, and they did; there was never a promise that any kid would become a professional musician.

If a trainer is making promises along the lines of "we will help you improve your soccer skills" and nothing more, I have no problem with that.

It's the guys who tell the B-team players, players who are a long way from becoming stars (and in many case, lack the physical attributes and "talent" to do so, no matter how hard they might work), that they can make them into stars that I have a problem with. Guys who boast of their connections to the pros, and then when the ultimately fails, it's always the same reason why--"you didn't work hard enough".

Nice thing about playing the piano, it's done in isolation. Unlike the sport of soccer where your 1 performance, amongst 22 and must sync with 10 other performers as well as against 11 others.

Billy Joel.