7 Habits of Effective Players

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I agree about burnout. My dd probably does not practice soccer very much compared to others because she plays on an out of town team. She has D1 verbal offers currently and is trying to figure out what she wants to do. She does not practice all the time, does not do private training and while she is in the top 5% of her graduating class she really doesn't spend an inordinate time studying either. She is lucky to have natural athleticism and academic skills so that she can still have a pretty well rounded life. As parents we have never pushed or tried to get her to apply herself more than she does on her own. She too is the youngest of several children and extremely competitive.

I know that it is irritating to some parents (which is one reason we do an out of town club) but she really loves other sports, especially track. Soccer is her first sport and she does right by her team. She is someone that I admire very much but recognize that much of what she is able to do is a gift. She brings it to every practice and game but amazingly she is not all about training all the time. Of course there is that track thing and she is a big runner and does work out like a maniac with a variety of her high school athlete friends.

My observation with my children is that great athletes, artists, gymnast and musicians are not made.... they are sort of that way. That isn't to say that they can not get better, it just means they were blessed with a little extra in some area. I would caution parents about pushing too hard. If the child is really in to it then they will pursue it and at the end of the day do we really need to suck the fun out of something that they enjoy?

Yeah, all that Nastia Luiken had to do is show up and take the gold medal, since after all, she was blessed with natural ability in gymnastics. Those 10 hours a day in her dad's gym were a total waste of time. She should have been out having a good time with her friends. And what parent has said anything about track being bad? It is the sport that everyone should do, even if their preferred sport is something else.

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Just a thought ..

Nothing like a little arrogance.

Parents need to understand that there is not some magical combination of things you do to get a player to the "next level", rather its developing the player's natural talents to their fullest. By that I mean it's nonsense to have private training combined with an inordinate amount of non-team self-practice. I many times I have heard a parent exclaim, he or she has done all the work and private lessons, and still their not the best. It is not quantity but quality of soccer practice and games. Concentrate on the activities presented, not what some other parent, or youth coach, thinks will "work". Arrogance? Did you want the truth or lies about the 100's of hours she didn't spend on private training and individual practice? Read the post carefully, you may find little arrogance but rather a lot of practical concepts you can use. By the way, always remember your kids youth coach is so great they never made it to college coaching, with the 1000's of jobs that are currently filled with very competent individuals. Arrogance is thinking your player is the best on the team, mine's not, but she is very, very good.

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Parents need to understand that there is not some magical combination of things you do to get a player to the "next level", rather its developing the player's natural talents to their fullest. By that I mean it's nonsense to have private training combined with an inordinate amount of non-team self-practice. I many times I have heard a parent exclaim, he or she has done all the work and private lessons, and still their not the best. It is not quantity but quality of soccer practice and games. Concentrate on the activities presented, not what some other parent, or youth coach, thinks will "work". Arrogance? Did you want the truth or lies about the 100's of hours she didn't spend on private training and individual practice? Read the post carefully, you may find little arrogance but rather a lot of practical concepts you can use. By the way, always remember your kids youth coach is so great they never made it to college coaching, with the 1000's of jobs that are currently filled with very competent individuals. Arrogance is thinking your player is the best on the team, mine's not, but she is very, very good.

Arrogance was your last sentence. Specifically in context with the sentence right before it.

Remember, what is good for one player isn't necessarily good for the next player.

It's like the statement I always hear from parents "my school may not have the best, but I turned out alright." Its the same comparison you are making regarding your daughter - it's a relative comparison rather than an absolute comparison. For some athletes, getting to the winning a state meet is the goal. For others, winning a medal at the Olympics is the goal. Not saying either is wrong, but in the former instance, you are better than a lot of people, in the latter, you are better than pretty much all of them.

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As someone else noted, your DD is one of the rare exceptions. You are very lucky. Me too, albeit in other areas! :) Query, however, whether this approach is limiting your DD's development of her apparently natural gifts. If the goal is to simply get a D1 scholarship at some school, then great. Nothing wrong with that. However, the principles that others have identified I believe can work equally well at all levels. For example, I don't care how gifted you are, there is nothing better than time on the ball. God given talent will only get you so far. I think if you read the bios of any top athletes, you generally will find (a) that they love the game at which they excel (with some exceptions), and (b) there are always times at which they hate the game and what they are doing, e.g, the early morning wake up call or the run in the rain. It is such a fine line between burnout and "being all you can be."

There is also a fine line between burnout and being what your parents want you to be.

Will it really matter if your child doesn't practice ridiculous numbers of hours and isn't the best on his or her team? What is the downside especially if the child is enjoying a wonderful sport like soccer? Be all that you can be is great if you are enjoying doing it. Otherwise you are just taking something fun and turning it into a chore.

I say life is short and full of hard work. If your child has the natural inclination to further their soccer then that is wonderful and no harm will come out of it. On the other hand, if the child is being pushed and prodded by mom or dad they are not getting anything from it and in fact may end up hating the sport.

It reminds me of my childhood piano lessons. I flipping hated them and finally walked away from the piano never to return. I wish that I could have learned to play without the expectation that I had to push myself to be the best piano player I could be. If I had a gift for music I would have naturally flocked to the piano or other instrumentation. Alas I was nothing more than an ordinary person with a whacked out parent and at the end of the day I don't remember any piano.

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Yeah, all that Nastia Luiken had to do is show up and take the gold medal, since after all, she was blessed with natural ability in gymnastics. Those 10 hours a day in her dad's gym were a total waste of time. She should have been out having a good time with her friends. And what parent has said anything about track being bad? It is the sport that everyone should do, even if their preferred sport is something else.

Yeah well Natasha my child is not and has no inclination to be. My child is just a child that loves to play sports and be the best at many different things but also loves life and having fun. I don't see any reason to take something that my child loves and turn it into something that isn't useful. Great example by the way.....LOL My point exactly

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Congratulations on having a naturally gifted athlete and student however not everyone that makes the next level is so "gifted". The question at had is what do the majority of players getting to the next level do to improve their skills and knowledge of the game. Your DD is the EXCEPTION rather than the rule.

The question was what do the majority of the players do to get the next level but I somehow doubt that most players can get to that level no matter what they do.

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Yeah well Natasha my child is not and has no inclination to be. My child is just a child that loves to play sports and be the best at many different things but also loves life and having fun. I don't see any reason to take something that my child loves and turn it into something that isn't useful. Great example by the way.....LOL My point exactly

It's Nastia, not Natasha moron. Great, she wants to be good in lots of things. More power to her. And I am sure she is not the best in a bunch of different things since so many kids specialize. I am quite sure she isn't this natural talent in everything. If so, you failed her by not recognizing that she is a great athlete and she should specialize in something. Mia Hamm was terrific because of being a great athlete and by specializing. But Mia's are rare. If your daughter really is that rare athlete, they you failed her and should give her a hug for not helping her achieve her potential. But actually, I suspect she is average in all things and you know that but come on here to try to brag and make yourself feel better because she isn't great at anything.

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There is also a fine line between burnout and being what your parents want you to be.

Will it really matter if your child doesn't practice ridiculous numbers of hours and isn't the best on his or her team? What is the downside especially if the child is enjoying a wonderful sport like soccer? Be all that you can be is great if you are enjoying doing it. Otherwise you are just taking something fun and turning it into a chore.

I say life is short and full of hard work. If your child has the natural inclination to further their soccer then that is wonderful and no harm will come out of it. On the other hand, if the child is being pushed and prodded by mom or dad they are not getting anything from it and in fact may end up hating the sport.

It reminds me of my childhood piano lessons. I flipping hated them and finally walked away from the piano never to return. I wish that I could have learned to play without the expectation that I had to push myself to be the best piano player I could be. If I had a gift for music I would have naturally flocked to the piano or other instrumentation. Alas I was nothing more than an ordinary person with a whacked out parent and at the end of the day I don't remember any piano.

I agree with you in large part, but isn't part of being a parent seeing that ability to not cross the line. I too was forced to play the piano. Hated it and gave it up. However, I didn't give it up because I was forced to play an ungodly no. of hours. I gave it up because it never jelled and I pretty much sucked. Ultimately even my parents realized this. I also could have tried another instrument, and did so later in life (still suck, but that's another story). On the other hand, I also did well in a couple other sports, was pushed (not extreme in any manner), and had a pretty decent college experience with one of them. I still do the sport to this day. I'm thankful that I had the parents who pushed me, but who also gave me the opportunity to try a variety of areas before I ultimately specialized. Looking back, I had a great HS experience and did the three sport thing, but I'm not sure I would have been any worse off if I specialized a bit sooner. In fact, if I had to do it again, I probably would have narrowed the focus sooner. Again, I agree with you in large part, but there is always going to be a "chore" element at certain points for any highly successful athlete no matter how much he/she loves the sport. I don't think you're being a bad parent by pushing through those difficult times - all within reason. Does that also make me a whacked out parent?

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I agree with you in large part, but isn't part of being a parent seeing that ability to not cross the line. I too was forced to play the piano. Hated it and gave it up. However, I didn't give it up because I was forced to play an ungodly no. of hours. I gave it up because it never jelled and I pretty much sucked. Ultimately even my parents realized this. I also could have tried another instrument, and did so later in life (still suck, but that's another story). On the other hand, I also did well in a couple other sports, was pushed (not extreme in any manner), and had a pretty decent college experience with one of them. I still do the sport to this day. I'm thankful that I had the parents who pushed me, but who also gave me the opportunity to try a variety of areas before I ultimately specialized. Looking back, I had a great HS experience and did the three sport thing, but I'm not sure I would have been any worse off if I specialized a bit sooner. In fact, if I had to do it again, I probably would have narrowed the focus sooner. Again, I agree with you in large part, but there is always going to be a "chore" element at certain points for any highly successful athlete no matter how much he/she loves the sport. I don't think you're being a bad parent by pushing through those difficult times - all within reason. Does that also make me a whacked out parent?

So do you think some of the poeple on here suggesting that thier children practice by them selves for a few hours each day, take private lessons, watch what they eat, make the best grades paossible and so on are just "helping push their children through a difficult time?" My caution was about extremes, and my examples were truly my own.

I am offering up a DIFFERENT OPINION ... my opinion, in case the original poster wanted various different perspectives. Our reality and that of most of the other kids we know that are also doing extremely well is just different.

It was not intended to call anyone a name except my mother who was a nutcase and did fully succeed in making mine and that of my siblings lives miserable. Nothing was ever good enough. All I am saying is there is balance in everything and no one sets out to be that parent (at least I hope not). My only words of wisdom to the original poster is "don't be that parent" .

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It sounds like the players who do well are the ones who have maturity. Is it there all along, or do kids change in High School. That's when a lot drop out of the sport.

When my daughter was 12 I sent her to a week-long live-in soccer camp to address some of her bad habits and she came out a week later the same player. So, I got the memo that her progress was entirely up to her. Another kid would have taken advantage of all the expertise and begged for another week at camp.

Has anybody seen a kid wake up one day and discover passion or is it something that's there all along?

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It's Nastia, not Natasha moron. Great, she wants to be good in lots of things. More power to her. And I am sure she is not the best in a bunch of different things since so many kids specialize. I am quite sure she isn't this natural talent in everything. If so, you failed her by not recognizing that she is a great athlete and she should specialize in something. Mia Hamm was terrific because of being a great athlete and by specializing. But Mia's are rare. If your daughter really is that rare athlete, they you failed her and should give her a hug for not helping her achieve her potential. But actually, I suspect she is average in all things and you know that but come on here to try to brag and make yourself feel better because she isn't great at anything.

A suggested read for you:
https://www.google.com/search?source...sports+parents
Basically, when you begin taking responsibility for your child's sports failures or successes you are crossing a line

[Unregistered]

So do you think some of the poeple on here suggesting that thier children practice by them selves for a few hours each day, take private lessons, watch what they eat, make the best grades paossible and so on are just "helping push their children through a difficult time?" My caution was about extremes, and my examples were truly my own.

I am offering up a DIFFERENT OPINION ... my opinion, in case the original poster wanted various different perspectives. Our reality and that of most of the other kids we know that are also doing extremely well is just different.

It was not intended to call anyone a name except my mother who was a nutcase and did fully succeed in making mine and that of my siblings lives miserable. Nothing was ever good enough. All I am saying is there is balance in everything and no one sets out to be that parent (at least I hope not). My only words of wisdom to the original poster is "don't be that parent" .

Mom is always an easy scapegoat for adolescents and adults alike. I feel sorry often for "mom" since she gets blamed so often for problems. Some of the complaining is justified, however probably less than 50% of it. We don't take responsibility enough for our own actions and failures. You see, my mom made me take piano for about 2 years and I hated practicing even though she only asked for 30 minutes a day. It became such a fight that she just quit taking me to the lessons. Now, is it her fault or my fault that I can't play? I am sure not blaming her.

Working like crazy toward a sport won't make a so so athlete a top player. However the only way to have top athletes is if they work hard at it. Tim Lincecum wouldn't be pitching in the MLB without all of the pushing and work his dad did with him. I'm sure every time Tim cashes that huge paycheck of his, he thanks his dad. I'm sure he's much happier than if his dad would have just let hiim be good at baseball and good at basketball and good at track and good at three other sports. If he would have done that, Tim would be someone's accountant today. Nothing wrong with that, but it accounting doesn't pay MLB wages.

[Unregistered]

1. Allow them the space to choose for themselves.
2. Don't be that parent who turns a child into a soccer-bot, like many posters here I suspect.
3. Realize that there are many more important things for a child to do in life than spend endless hrs on a field with a ball.
4. ...unless THEY (not you) really want to, then give them every opportunity you can to play, especially seek out unstructured and un-coached playing opportunities.
5. Get a couple of other kids to form a group to make it more fun and engaging.

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It would seem that some people believe that the parents were the sole reason for the success of famous athletes. This may be true or not ... we simply won't know as I think there are examples on both sides of that coin. What is scary is when parents think that if they make their child do all of this "work" and "chores" that they too will have the same result.

I don't think anyone is suggesting that parents should not help. Maybe a disclaimer is in order: application of the 7 habits will not produce exact or similar results in every athlete.

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5. Get a couple of other kids to form a group to make it more fun and engaging.

I've been giving my wife a similar suggestion, albeit with adults and not kids, but she hasn't really taken a liking to the idea.