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**Unregistered** · 04-03-2019, 08:13 AM

Originally posted by Unregistered View Post

Two of the best coaches I ever had were completely different personalities. They both succeeded in their own way. One was a complete screamer, and you played out of fear. The other was the opposite, almost gentile. You wanted to play for him because letting him down made you feel like a fool.

In either case, their overriding goal, and they were up front about it, was to make you a better player. If they weren't engaging, then they had checked out on you. You may not always like the delivery, but weed through it and listen to the message.

We've had both styles as well. As kids get older they get better at filtering out the message underneath the yelling. It's tough for the younger kids to do that. One of mine came close to quitting when he was 12 because a screamer was making his life miserable (coach got fired before he did). By the time he started HS varsity as a freshman he was much better at filtering (through experience and maturity). But I'd rather have it toned down and have a coach earn the team's respect and WANT to do well for them, like you described.

**Unregistered** · 04-03-2019, 08:20 AM

Originally posted by Unregistered View Post

We've had both styles as well. As kids get older they get better at filtering out the message underneath the yelling. It's tough for the younger kids to do that. One of mine came close to quitting when he was 12 because a screamer was making his life miserable (coach got fired before he did). By the time he started HS varsity as a freshman he was much better at filtering (through experience and maturity). But I'd rather have it toned down and have a coach earn the team's respect and WANT to do well for them, like you described.

The volume of yelling can be managed as long as the content is not condescending and humiliating. Very few kids (or adults) learn well from hyper-criticism devoid of any positive reinforcement.

**Unregistered** · 04-03-2019, 09:52 AM

Originally posted by Unregistered View Post

The volume of yelling can be managed as long as the content is not condescending and humiliating. Very few kids (or adults) learn well from hyper-criticism devoid of any positive reinforcement.

Agreed. There are yellers whose content is such that the kids hear and respond well and then there are yellers who are just out there ruining kids confidence and who seem to enjoy being malicious. Top level kids do not mind yelling as long as it is constructive and also includes some examples of positivity. No one wants to be berated.

**Unregistered** · 04-03-2019, 09:59 AM

My then U-9(ish) had a yeller. He had some problems, and my daughter initially didn't like him. I knew him in passing and knew him to be a good guy, but could see her in virtual tears one game. So, we talked on the ride home. Basically, she was in the wrong position and he yelled at her. I explained that he is watching 9 kids, is about 40 yards away from her, and doesn't always have time to say "Dear, when you have a moment, could you maybe take 3-4 steps to your left? I'd really appreciate it" Instead, he yelled "'XYZ' move over!"

Since then, she got it. If she's being yelled TO = OK. Yelled AT = not OK. Once she understood that it's not a problem.

As we moved beyond that club into a higher league, we went by their operating offices and thanked him for his efforts a few years ago.