Stay or Go?

[Guest]

Go ….these clubs are all the same. Find a club where they treat your kid well. If the current club don’t value your kid now, chances are they won’t in the future either. They will gladly keep taking your check while slow playing you. This ain’t their first rodeo, you are dealing with seasoned liars in most cases.

I agree. I already decided to move my daughter next year if she doesn’t earn the starting spot. And even if she does, I may still move her because unless you are a top player, these clubs don’t care about you.

[Guest]

I agree. I already decided to move my daughter next year if she doesn’t earn the starting spot. And even if she does, I may still move her because unless you are a top player, these clubs don’t care about you.

I’d leave during the winter to be honest. What’s the point of killing confidence in the spring if they are basically showing you the door.

[Guest]

I’d leave during the winter to be honest. What’s the point of killing confidence in the spring if they are basically showing you the door.

I paid a lot of money. She will finish out the year. But will ultimately leave. The teams not that great anyway. The players are not making my daughter better. Even though she’s not starting, the rest of the team is not much better to make her better. If that makes sense.

[Guest]

I paid a lot of money. She will finish out the year. But will ultimately leave. The teams not that great anyway. The players are not making my daughter better. Even though she’s not starting, the rest of the team is not much better to make her better. If that makes sense.

I can imagine the money spent to travel and ride the bench while confidence goes down the tubes as well. Don’t forget those variables. Whatever you decide good luck to your D.

[Guest]

My D is on a top team for her age group. She mostly comes off the bench, and hears it from the coach a good amount while she is on the field (more negative than positive), while the "star" players always get praised. Averages less than half the game playing time. For the real "important" games, she plays even less minutes. Is this worth it? Anyone else been in this situation? Do I try to put her on a team of a lower level so she gets more playing time? Not sure the right move, and don't wanna screw it up for her.

Sounds like CSA.

[Guest]

I can imagine the money spent to travel and ride the bench while confidence goes down the tubes as well. Don’t forget those variables. Whatever you decide good luck to your D.

I would agree with this. We decided not to leave a similar situation on a mediocre team with a jerk of a coach where our kid played 25-30% and was so afraid to ever make a mistake. It really affected his confidence and while we moved him this year (to another mediocre team but at least here he plays a lot) he is still struggling with the confidence issues and we regret not moving him sooner. The only positive is he got to work on his mental toughness.

[Guest]

I paid a lot of money. She will finish out the year. But will ultimately leave. The teams not that great anyway. The players are not making my daughter better. Even though she’s not starting, the rest of the team is not much better to make her better. If that makes sense.

why does "starting" even matter? You should be paying attention to minutes, not starting time.

[Guest]

Think you made the right decision. Decision to move is always hard and grass not always greener if you’re only chasing specific league or team. The important thing is finding the best situation for your kid, their development, confidence and enjoyment. Looking back I wish I had moved my daughter (never did). She was on a team playing best competition (relative to her ability), starting and playing 95% minutes, club close to home and friends on team but with a coach who was very negative, overly hard on just a few girls (my daughter one of them), clearly shouting out their name repeatedly and publicly for all spectators to hear for any minor misstep (while addressing lesser players privately on sideline)… anyway I thought it was just tough coaching and all the other pros outweighed cons…. Result was she lost any passion for game, plays afraid to make a mistake, says soccer no longer fun… finally left team (folded due to HS) and although she’s playing HS still wouldn’t be surprised if she gave up soccer before Senior year.

I say, find a good coach, good teammates, acceptable development (think you always need to train outside anyway) and make sure your daughter is growing in skill and passion for game. You can always move again or even move back if situation changes … but if you keep her in a bad situation for more time you can never get that time back

[Guest]

Sounds like CSA.

Absolutely....100%

[Guest]

why does "starting" even matter? You should be paying attention to minutes, not starting time.

As they get older, pretty rare for a player coming off the bench to play more than starters. When they're younger, might have rotations across positions. But when older, starting 11 are the main team.

[Guest]

Has the coach communicated with you why she is potentially playing less or has there been zero communication? Maybe reach out to the coach and ask why? Just be careful as I always say don’t ask the question if you don’t want to hear the answer.

[Guest]

Has the coach communicated with you why she is potentially playing less or has there been zero communication? Maybe reach out to the coach and ask why? Just be careful as I always say don’t ask the question if you don’t want to hear the answer.

Haven’t asked and haven’t been told anything. Communication sucks.

[Guest]

You should definitely leave. The impact of a coach that tears your kid down more than they build them up is devastating, especially for tween/teen girls. There are so many teams, go down a level where she vibes with the coach and feels valued and watch her soar. I've been through this exact thing with my daughter and the change in her demeanor and frankly our whole household now that she's away from that toxic environment has been dramatically positive. Honestly, they should be playing tons of minutes and feeling valued, **** the "level".

[Guest]

You should definitely leave. The impact of a coach that tears your kid down more than they build them up is devastating, especially for tween/teen girls. There are so many teams, go down a level where she vibes with the coach and feels valued and watch her soar. I've been through this exact thing with my daughter and the change in her demeanor and frankly our whole household now that she's away from that toxic environment has been dramatically positive. Honestly, they should be playing tons of minutes and feeling valued, **** the "level".

We moved my D at u10 because of the coach and how negative he was with her. We moved to a team that was slightly lower but she played a ton and loved every minute of it. She felt valued. I agree. If the coach doesn’t value her, why stay????? Go where she will thrive. Who cares the level. Only the top go play college anyway. It’s ok to not be the top %. Play where they will succeed and have fun! Parents lose sight in that.

[Guest]

Why stay somewhere when not playing? For Instagram post? Bragging rights? Go be a part of a team that you contribute to the teams success. Trust me, your kid will have more fun and will most likely develop more as a player if they are playing and succeeding.