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Lol I’ve witnessed a few overbearing parents before -
Yea it’s a shame, they usually end up ruining it for their kid. Either nobody wants to deal with the craziness or the kid doesn’t enjoy it as muchOriginally posted by Guest View PostComment
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yeah, well my kid won't get into a D1 school unless i do my part to relentlessly apply pressure and emphasize the extreme importance of soccer above all else.Comment
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plays out at every practice, every game and tournament on my daughters case. i don’t ever approach the coach or initiate communication. i let my daughter handle the game and playing with her coach. The coach will reach out to me when need be. other than that i’m out of it. i see too many ‘close’ ties and relationships with the coach and a quid pro quo type atmosphere. i do see how that influences my daughters team. unfortunately we will probably start looking else where.Originally posted by Guest View PostComment
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From the article:Originally posted by Guest View Post
”Other factors come into play as well. Soccer is often the first youth sport to which parents get exposed. The pay-to-play model -- in which parents in the U.S. have to pay thousands of dollars per year for their child to play on competitive teams -- can have the effect of providing a sense of entitlement for having a say on team matters. That wasn't present in the Reyna case, but any time money or possible advancement to the pro ranks is involved, that can lead to poor behavior. The parent community is also becoming increasingly filled with people who have some kind of background in the game of soccer, giving rise to the feeling that their opinions, no matter how unreasonable, must be listened to.
For Lesle Gallimore, head coach of the University of Washington women's team from 1994 to 2019 and current commissioner of the Girls Academy, a national player development platform for more than 13,000 girls nationwide, the pandemic hasn't helped. She said in the past couple of years she has witnessed "way more aggression" from parents, even as the vast majority succeed in staying in their lane.
"I don't know if people were locked up for too long and just lost their way a little bit in isolation, but I've seen threatening language, poor language, fights, fights between parents on the same team, parents entering the field, aggression towards referees, you name it," she said. "For me, it's not the bulk of what happens, but when it happens one time, it's so alarming that it's too much. It shouldn't happen at all, ever, and those types of behaviors are the ones that I think, as leaders, we need to continue to address and educate around."
When you add in the increasing professionalization and early specialization of youth sports, be it in soccer with MLS Next, or shoe company-sponsored club teams in basketball, you have a recipe for parents engaging in behavior that they shouldn't. The damage can be intense for all involved, for coaches and for players, leading members of both constituencies to leave the game.
However, there are some steps clubs and organizations can take to lower the collective temperature. Having a buffer between coach and parent can help, be it a team administrator or a director of coaching. But Gallimore said she has seen this cut both ways. Given how the coach needs to control the "performance environment," as she put it, another layer of management can create complications.
"That buffer better be on the same page as you want them to be, or it can have the exact opposite effect," she said. "I've seen it both ways, so it becomes a management issue."
A steady, proactive flow of communication throughout the season is also vital. It can serve to communicate the club's overall culture in terms of player development and results, as well as spell out some parameters for how playing time -- probably the biggest potential source of conflict between coaches and parents -- is to be doled out. It also helps ensure that the first interaction between parents and coach isn't when something has gone wrong. Yet it's not as easy as it sounds.
"I think that a lot of clubs operate in fear," Lemov said. "I don't think you can be great at what you're trying to do when your primary goal is to avoid difficult situations when you're operating out of fear and anxiety."
Communication can also help set boundaries. Hackworth recalled getting pushback when he told parents they couldn't set up lawn chairs right next to the field to watch practice but had to watch behind a fence. He insisted, however, that the parents needed to let their kids practice without the kind of immediate parental feedback that could be a distraction. His approach ended up carrying the day.
That isn't to say parents shouldn't have any input. For Gallimore, if the family is paying, parents should be heard, especially if the child in question is, say, 10 years old and isn't quite ready to have conversations where they have to stick up for themselves to an adult. But clear parameters should be set in terms of what is an acceptable discussion topic. It shouldn't be a one-way street either, and the Girls Academy is notable for having a player advisory panel to raise concerns.
Boundaries also need to be communicated and set in terms of personal relationships. Gallimore noted that at youth level, parents and coaches often socialize with each other, stay in the same hotels and even drink together. She recalled that there were some instances when parents expected that dynamic to continue at the collegiate level, although by that stage, the switch had flipped. The parents are no longer paying. The college or professional club is now the one paying, shifting the power dynamic.
"These parents have this expectation that they're like, going to hang out with the coaching staff, and that's just not the gig," Gallimore said. "And as coaches in college, you have to explain to them, 'Listen, I am here for your daughter. I want her to have a great experience. I want this to be a place where she feels valued. I will be upfront about everything and fair.' And there's no perfection to that in coaching."
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PDA has mastered quid pro quo. Not absolving other clubs but this is one I know all to well.Originally posted by Guest View PostComment
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Who cares about playing D1? What does it mean? Where does it say playing D1 is going to get you places in life? How about just letting kids be kids and having a good time playing a game that will surely end very soon for them.Originally posted by Guest View PostComment
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Whoooooosh, right over your head.Originally posted by Guest View Post
Know what yer problem is, son? Yer built too low! All the good ones go right over yer head!Comment
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Ok captain obvious! They just said it went right over your headOriginally posted by Guest View PostComment
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If I don't fight for my kid to play D1 and plow down all obstacles in the way then who will?Comment
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If you need to be doing it- your kid isn’t cut out for it. once in HS the kid is more than capable of handling. Likely you are one of the parents in coaches ear and part of the problem. Your kid will be extremely disappointed when they get to their D1 program and daddy isn’t there to fight her battles. Best of luck.Originally posted by Guest View PostComment
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The PDA coaches do private training on the side and the girls that pay get the special treatment. Everyone knows it.Comment
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