Frustrated — Advice?

[Unregistered]

Looking for some advice...here is the situation.

My daughter has amazing practices. She does great at all her drills, 1v1s, she has great foot skills, and does great during scrimmages. She does not back down from the ball, finds space with her passes, plays multiple positions — basically does all the right things.

Her issue — come game time, it’s like she is a different kid. She seems to back away from the ball, runs at half speed, seems more timid, doesn’t use her foot skills, makes bone-head mistakes.

She is on the younger side, does play for a team where there is great emphasis on winning and her coach is a yeller—all things that I know are probably contributing. Before you try to guess the team / club — I am from out of state, but out of all the boards you guys seem to be the most vocal and have it together.

Any tips for helping her break-through during games? I feel bad, because she comes off the field discouraged knowing she didn’t play to her ability. My husband and I try to talk her through things, but nothing seems to be working. I don’t want her to lose her love for the game so early on.

[Unregistered]

First thing that jumped out at me is she is afraid to make a mistake because of the coach. My younger son is a strong player, but when a certain coach from his old club, who is a yeller, would occasionally fill in at games or practices he just shut down. Looks like a different player. Says it’s “not fun” in that environment and I can tell he doesn’t want to be there.

[Unregistered]

First thing that jumped out at me is she is afraid to make a mistake because of the coach. My younger son is a strong player, but when a certain coach from his old club, who is a yeller, would occasionally fill in at games or practices he just shut down. Looks like a different player. Says it’s “not fun” in that environment and I can tell he doesn’t want to be there.

Agree. My dd is the same way when the coach is a yeller and uses negative reinforcement instead of positive reinforcement. Find a better coach for your dd and she will blossom in games too.

[Unregistered]

Looking for some advice...here is the situation.

My daughter has amazing practices. She does great at all her drills, 1v1s, she has great foot skills, and does great during scrimmages. She does not back down from the ball, finds space with her passes, plays multiple positions — basically does all the right things.

Her issue — come game time, it’s like she is a different kid. She seems to back away from the ball, runs at half speed, seems more timid, doesn’t use her foot skills, makes bone-head mistakes.

She is on the younger side, does play for a team where there is great emphasis on winning and her coach is a yeller—all things that I know are probably contributing. Before you try to guess the team / club — I am from out of state, but out of all the boards you guys seem to be the most vocal and have it together.

Any tips for helping her break-through during games? I feel bad, because she comes off the field discouraged knowing she didn’t play to her ability. My husband and I try to talk her through things, but nothing seems to be working. I don’t want her to lose her love for the game so early on.

Go to a team which is a better fit for your daughter. As it seems this will most likely mean moving down 3-4 brackets of play.

[Unregistered]

Find out if she'll have the same coach next year. If so, look at other clubs. At the younger ages certain coaches can have a very detrimental impact on kids. they can't sift through the yelling. As they get older it gets easier. But now is the time to make sure she has a more positive experience, before it's too late. Don't let a bad coach suck the love of the game out her.

[Unregistered]

You’ll be lucky to go to any of the big clubs and top teams at each age group in your area (I know that’s true around here) and won’t find a coach that it’s strong with their players. There has to be a balance but the person above is right, your daughter may just be better suited to a few brackets down. Mental strength is an important part of maturing and handling feedback. You’re not going to get told great job or well done every minute of the game at the top level, it doesn’t work like that.

[Unregistered]

Looking for some advice...here is the situation.

My daughter has amazing practices. She does great at all her drills, 1v1s, she has great foot skills, and does great during scrimmages. She does not back down from the ball, finds space with her passes, plays multiple positions — basically does all the right things.

Her issue — come game time, it’s like she is a different kid. She seems to back away from the ball, runs at half speed, seems more timid, doesn’t use her foot skills, makes bone-head mistakes.

She is on the younger side, does play for a team where there is great emphasis on winning and her coach is a yeller—all things that I know are probably contributing. Before you try to guess the team / club — I am from out of state, but out of all the boards you guys seem to be the most vocal and have it together.

Any tips for helping her break-through during games? I feel bad, because she comes off the field discouraged knowing she didn’t play to her ability. My husband and I try to talk her through things, but nothing seems to be working. I don’t want her to lose her love for the game so early on.

All you people on here read was “yeller” and off you went again with blame it on the coach...you must all be secret Trump supporters
This is getting truly tiresome...give it a break.
Lot more issues on display here-maybe dad is the yeller and lets her have it on the ride home.

[Unregistered]

Go to a team which is a better fit for your daughter. As it seems this will most likely mean moving down 3-4 brackets of play.

I agree with this statement. To find a coach who can teach in a competitive environment without yelling or benching players for making mistakes is hard to find. What they don’t realize is their actions are actually having a negative impact on players. Coaches should seek a way to make their players confident in their abilities. Praise, compliments go a long way.

[Unregistered]

Go to a team which is a better fit for your daughter. As it seems this will most likely mean moving down 3-4 brackets of play.

you don't necessarily have to move down to find the right coach.

[Unregistered]

OP here — Thank for those that offered advice. We have considered impact of coach. The coach is more than a yeller. He throws water bottles / clip boards on the sidelines when kids make mistakes and benched a kid for an entire game when as a defender she let in too many goals. However, the non-game training has been excellent and the girls are a great group. We are considering options for next season, but was looking for tips on helping to break-through the remainder of this season. No doubt kids need to learn to tune some of this stuff which is why we have stuck it out in the hope that she would be able to.

For the poster that thinks that dad is the yeller, far from it-he is my daughter’s biggest supporter. If that was the issue, I wouldn’t be coming on here looking for advice, though I appreciate you keying in on it as a possible cause.

[Unregistered]

OP here — Thank for those that offered advice. We have considered impact of coach. The coach is more than a yeller. He throws water bottles / clip boards on the sidelines when kids make mistakes and benched a kid for an entire game when as a defender she let in too many goals. However, the non-game training has been excellent and the girls are a great group. We are considering options for next season, but was looking for tips on helping to break-through the remainder of this season. No doubt kids need to learn to tune some of this stuff which is why we have stuck it out in the hope that she would be able to.

For the poster that thinks that dad is the yeller, far from it-he is my daughter’s biggest supporter. If that was the issue, I wouldn’t be coming on here looking for advice, though I appreciate you keying in on it as a possible cause.

Most likely other parents aren't happy either if that is how he behaves regularly. Band parents together and talk to the club. They're more likely to make a coaching change if they think they'll lose 6 families vs just one or two.

One trick one of my kids used when he had a screamer - he visualized himself flipping the coach the bird and swearing inside his head. Over time the yelling became white noise.

[Unregistered]

Looking for some advice...here is the situation.

My daughter has amazing practices. She does great at all her drills, 1v1s, she has great foot skills, and does great during scrimmages. She does not back down from the ball, finds space with her passes, plays multiple positions — basically does all the right things.

Her issue — come game time, it’s like she is a different kid. She seems to back away from the ball, runs at half speed, seems more timid, doesn’t use her foot skills, makes bone-head mistakes.

She is on the younger side, does play for a team where there is great emphasis on winning and her coach is a yeller—all things that I know are probably contributing. Before you try to guess the team / club — I am from out of state, but out of all the boards you guys seem to be the most vocal and have it together.

Any tips for helping her break-through during games? I feel bad, because she comes off the field discouraged knowing she didn’t play to her ability. My husband and I try to talk her through things, but nothing seems to be working. I don’t want her to lose her love for the game so early on.

Your last line....you mean you're afraid she'll lose YOUR love for the game.

Your post also doesn't follow. Isn't the same coach there at practice? You started put correctly pinpointing going on with your kid. Therein lies your answer....not with the coach and of course other posters love to hop on the coach angle.

[Unregistered]

OP here — Thank for those that offered advice. We have considered impact of coach. The coach is more than a yeller. He throws water bottles / clip boards on the sidelines when kids make mistakes and benched a kid for an entire game when as a defender she let in too many goals. However, the non-game training has been excellent and the girls are a great group. We are considering options for next season, but was looking for tips on helping to break-through the remainder of this season. No doubt kids need to learn to tune some of this stuff which is why we have stuck it out in the hope that she would be able to.

For the poster that thinks that dad is the yeller, far from it-he is my daughter’s biggest supporter. If that was the issue, I wouldn’t be coming on here looking for advice, though I appreciate you keying in on it as a possible cause.

Shame. So when nothing on the line, the coach doesn't yell (at practices), I'm assuming or does someone else handle the practice sessions? Seems like your daughter and the coach need some new game day tactics. She probably isn't the only one intimidated by him on game day. Probably afraid to make a mistake based on what you described (backing off, not going all out, etc.), hopefully she can learn to shut out the coach's theatrics on game day.

What she has is common. I see many kids that are practice comfortable with their teammates (they know each other) at all levels. And they back off on game day, afraid to make a mistake or just don't feel as confident against an unknown. I have also seen the other side of the spectrum, overly confident on game day (you know the kids that like to keep the ball instead of looking up for the other options). It's all a balancing act.

Just try to keep her in the game if she likes it. The growing/player maturation process just takes time. Hopefully, she will start to feel more comfortable with herself and her playing and learning to tune out the dramatics on the sidelines.

You can't let the crowd, including the coaches, take you out of the game. I always tell my kids in all of their sports, your playing time is a small window in a lifespan. Don't let someone else take it away from you. Good luck.

[Unregistered]

Let’s not overlook whose (loving) eyes are watching this drama unfold: yours. Parents bring an expectation of “best possible result” to their kids” performance—in sports or school. We expect to see the result we HOPE to see, and that is not always realistic or fair to our kids, their teaches and coaches. Don’t lose sight of fact that this is the kid’s “thing”, her experience and not yours. Take your expectations out of the equation and grant your player more ownership. Nothing screams “over invested parent” more than watching practice. (Killing it in drills? Really?) Give her space to find her place, not your perception of what SHOULD be her place. Skip watching a couple of games. Let her know it’s her thing. She’ll be fine.

[Unregistered]

Always worth considering that being good at drills is great, but it doesn't replicate game speed (but will help them later on). Being good on 1v1 and in other practice activity doesn't translate to game play as it's inherently slower.