Should I let her quit?

[Guest]

A bit off the typical topic but looking for advice. My daughter has always loved soccer but has also never been that great - she’s a taller bigger build so she’s a slower runner so is usually later to the ball, will lose a 1 v 1, etc. But, she loves soccer and kept wanting me to sign her up so I did. Anyway, fast forward to this year she’s 6th grade/U12. Town soccer starts drying up, and her friends are moving to club. She wanted to try out too so she did, but was offered a practice spot only which I wasn’t surprised about and she was happy to take. I didn’t mind either because she would stay active through the year and have some fun.

However, it ended up not being a great experience, the coach basically ignored her and so did most of the team as she was “beneath” them. Then to top it off they issued evaluations recently and the coach was very blunt about what she felt was her lack of skill and speed. She was pretty devastated after the evaluation and wants to just quit soccer. She’s never been and never has been a super star and never had college intentions but loved the sport. Now as we look forward in our town kids play JV on the high school team in the fall.

What would you do? Let her quit? Encourage her to try one season of JV? It’s sad how much this club situation killed her joy for the sport.

[Guest]

This is one of the toughest balancing acts as a parent. On the one hand, you have to respect your kids' autonomy and it can easily get toxic when you force them into specific extracurriculars. On the other hand, they are young and don't always have the clearest basis for making decisions, which is where our 'wisdom' is relevant.

Not sure how many options you have, but I would talk with her and try to get her to distinguish between whether she is turned off by that specific situation in that club, or the sport of soccer in general. There could be other options, at various levels, for her to stay active and meet new people, etc. Not sure what it's like in your area, but in my experience, there is lots of shuffling around teams and the true friendships are pretty rare, so it's not the end of the world to switch clubs.

Or, you could encourage her to try a different sport that may be a better fit with her physical capabilities and her temperament. Lots of kids get stuck in the 'wrong' sport for all kinds of reasons.

[Guest]

Encourage her to try one season of JV. I think she could find her spot there if she wants. It will all come down to doing what she really wants. Club soccer can be toxic and taking a break from it and just having fun could help her find joy again.

[Guest]

There is no easy answer here. First, ultimately, I'd caution her about making her do something she doesn't want to.

That being said, my D ran into similar situation, albeit a couple of years younger. She was always a B-teamer, and her friends were mostly on the better team and there was certainly some kids acting like the B-teamers were beneath them. Things change, priorities change, bodies change, and a few years on she surpassed them. Not saying that will always be the case, as many of her B-teammates did scale it back and a few stopped playing. So, there are many different outcomes.

I get wanting to play with your friends, it should be fun. If she truly loves the game, I'd encourage her to look at a club somewhere (even town [gasps]) as there is no substitute for playing, and playing with similarly-skilled players. If she ends up playing JV initially, nothing stopping her from keep working hard and trying to make varsity later on. Not sure about your town, but some are filled with just such a player (of course, some are filled with higher-level club players).

It's always worth noting every player quits at some point. Could be they lost the passion, could be the game has passed them on. But, everyone has to face it, and often it's forced upon them vs. being their decision. It's often difficult to accept who you ARE, as a person and a player, and separating that from what you want to BE.

[Guest]

If she REALLY likes to play soccer, meaning she enjoys the game itself, learning about it, getting better, etc, vs enjoying it because she's spending time with her friends then I think your best bet is to A)continue on with town soccer even if it's kind of sh!tshow and B) find a smaller club that focuses on the game instead of selling the D1 dream. These clubs are looked down upon by the big box clubs and their customers but are often the perfect spot for players in your daughter's situation. The coaches will often be just a little above what a good town coach is, will probably have a kid playing on the team they are coaching, etc etc so set expectations accordingly.

Another thing to expect at a small "family club" is that the roster will be made up of players like your daughter and as those players get better and/or grow into their bodies they will move on to the big box clubs that once looked down on them and made them want to quit. The caste system continues on though, Varsity players usually treat JV like lepers, and in all but the most serious D1-type towns the JV coach is probably less capable than a good town youth coach.....so if your family is struggling along through middle school hoping to just make it to JV the stone cold truth is that in this situation JV is probably not the light at the end of the tunnel.

[Guest]

FWIW a coach once told me to never quit after a bad day or bad experience because you will always wonder what if. If you are going quit, do it after a good day so you know you are quitting for the right reasons. It’s a piece of advice I had to give one of my kids.

[Guest]

FWIW a coach once told me to never quit after a bad day or bad experience because you will always wonder what if. If you are going quit, do it after a good day so you know you are quitting for the right reasons. It’s a piece of advice I had to give one of my kids.

Love that advice!

[Guest]

FWIW a coach once told me to never quit after a bad day or bad experience because you will always wonder what if. If you are going quit, do it after a good day so you know you are quitting for the right reasons. It’s a piece of advice I had to give one of my kids.

Great advice in a non-toxic situation. What you described is a bad environment for our daughter and let her out of that environment right away. Consistent with the above generally great advice, consider staying with town, or a bigger town program if you're in a smaller community. The above poster who recommends the smaller type family club may be a very different environment and far more enjoyable.

Also - would she want to do grass roots refereeing? (can be toxic, too. That is less her athletic ability and more her ability to manage difficult people). Or helping to coach some of the younger kids? Maybe other creative ways to keep her involved is she loves soccer.

Good luck with your daughter

[Guest]

The beauty of club soccer is that there is a level for everyone. There are about 100 club teams for your D’s age.

I have watched games where the bottom worst teams play each other, and I was more entertained, and saw the kids having more fun, than for the top 5 teams in the State. Try to find the right level for your D so that she can be competitive and happy with her effort/contribution.

[Guest]

I'm not from Mass but saw this on the main page and had to comment because my son was in a similar situation at almost the same age. He enjoyed the game of soccer but mostly wanted to play with his friends. When his friends moved to club he did too. B team and happy with that. Then his friends moved up and he got a new coach who wasn't great for him and ultimately he was moved to the C team (a decision I saw coming and did not disagree with) so he quit club soccer. However, he played JV on his HS team and had a blast. He rediscovered what it was like to enjoy playing soccer. Plus he was able to play other sports and do other activities easily playing JV. He's a going into his senior year in college and has loved playing intramural soccer in college. It's low stress, lots of fun, and decent exercise. My point is that when he left club he thought he no longer liked soccer. What he really didn't like was club soccer. I hope your daughter gives JV a try because it may be the place she remembers why she liked soccer in the first place.

[Guest]

My son plays at NN. He was told that North had a very good player who went on to be a player San Diego State. He never made the number one Newton travel team and was cut by two Club teams. Keep working HARD if you love the game!!!!

[Guest]

All that matters for girls once they get into high school is that she can run fast, is in shape and has a strong leg. Don't let any other parent or coach tell you differently. Girls soccer has nothing to do with skill. Get her on the track and buy some cones and a bag of balls. Do everything with speed and fitness in mind and shoot off the dribble.

Oh and don't ever pay one of the scumbag clubs to practice only. Heck, don't even pay a club at all until and unless they have the means to get her seen by college coaches. They WILL NOT make her better.

[Guest]

All that matters for girls once they get into high school is that she can run fast, is in shape and has a strong leg. Don't let any other parent or coach tell you differently. Girls soccer has nothing to do with skill. Get her on the track and buy some cones and a bag of balls. Do everything with speed and fitness in mind and shoot off the dribble.

Oh and don't ever pay one of the scumbag clubs to practice only. Heck, don't even pay a club at all until and unless they have the means to get her seen by college coaches. They WILL NOT make her better.

Not disagreeing but why do you say this? It’s all pace?

[Guest]

A bit off the typical topic but looking for advice. My daughter has always loved soccer but has also never been that great - she’s a taller bigger build so she’s a slower runner so is usually later to the ball, will lose a 1 v 1, etc. But, she loves soccer and kept wanting me to sign her up so I did. Anyway, fast forward to this year she’s 6th grade/U12. Town soccer starts drying up, and her friends are moving to club. She wanted to try out too so she did, but was offered a practice spot only which I wasn’t surprised about and she was happy to take. I didn’t mind either because she would stay active through the year and have some fun.

However, it ended up not being a great experience, the coach basically ignored her and so did most of the team as she was “beneath” them. Then to top it off they issued evaluations recently and the coach was very blunt about what she felt was her lack of skill and speed. She was pretty devastated after the evaluation and wants to just quit soccer. She’s never been and never has been a super star and never had college intentions but loved the sport. Now as we look forward in our town kids play JV on the high school team in the fall.

What would you do? Let her quit? Encourage her to try one season of JV? It’s sad how much this club situation killed her joy for the sport.

With her lack of ability let her quit, but if she really really wants to play let her play, she just aint going be able to follow her homies to the big time

[Guest]

Not disagreeing but why do you say this? It’s all pace?

Clubs fool parents into thinking soccer is a closed system and if you aren’t part of it at a young age, you never will be. It is simply not true. Go watch women’s college soccer. Do the players look like they have been skill training for 15 years? It’s 90 minutes of fumbles, bumbles and long kicks. They all just run fast and are in great shape.

Let her play where she has fun, work on her speed and don’t stress about her not playing. She isn’t missing out on anything that will make her significantly better.

Also don’t let a coach force her into defense because she is tall. Always play offense.