Taking a break

[Guest]

"Loving your team" at this age is nice but if you are at a truly top club, the likelihood of 50-75% turnover between 7th - 9th grade is really high. Things get really serious as more and more players show up to make those precious top spots.

If a player in 7th or 8th grade is burning out to the point of needing a break, you should consider why you are at that type of club. If a 2-3 week winter break suffices, go for it and see what happens. If a 13 year old needs a 2 month break, you are on borrowed time anyway.

Why not take the time to go skiing or snowboarding a few times between now and February, don't talk about soccer at home, go to what she has to go for the practices but also be content to miss if something else fun comes up and then see how things are as the season ramps up by end of Feb/early March?

^agree. She is entering the heart of the rat race now. If she is questioning her resolve, it may be time to step away. This is the age where the dabblers begin fully committing to a sport. It’s also the age where the previously committed begin to seek other interests. Look at the other kids on your team, does your daughter give the same level of effort and commitment as her teammates? Is she putting in the same amount of work away from the field? If not, she may be ready to move on.

previous poster mentioned Scorps and Stars White. I don’t like the insinuation that those clubs are bad (my D is at one of them) but they are the two clubs who will have the most turnover in these years. Many kids went to these clubs as they saw it as a lesser commitment than Stars Blue. Allowed them to play competitive soccer while also playing other sports at a competitive level. Those kids are now at a point to choose between the sports. Not all will choose soccer.

[Guest]

She'll fall behind the players not taking time off. That's how training works. It's no fun, but it's the truth.

Either that or the players not taking time off will burn out and quit. Two of the best youth players I ever saw both quit soccer after 10th grade because they were sick of it. Both trained non-stop all year from U7-U15 and finally had enough.

[Guest]

Has the thread op actually talked to the daughter, or are he and the wife speculating based on observation? That's the first place to start. Make sure to say right away that you support a break or moving down a level or even stopping if they want to. Some kids are afraid to tell their parents. They know there's been a lot of time and money put into soccer.

I also agree with what others have said in that she has to be fully vested if she's going take it through recruiting and then college.

It's possible she also feels overwhelmed managing school and friends, not just the soccer. If she wants to keep playing, help her strategize time management. Stepping down a level into something less competitive could help there. Again if all of it is too much now, it only gets worse in college. A discussion or several is wartanted about where she sees herself going. Again, reassurances that it is OK to stop.

If she just wants a break I wouldn't do more than thru January. She will have to earn her way back in with the coach and teammates and tjat eill get harder the longer she waits. Make sure she stays aerobically fit while off

Good luck

[Guest]

It is really tough to be a kid in sports these days. you are asked to commit at an early age. Have to train daily and at every damn practice a new kid there is trying out.

Your daughter probably loves Soccer. She would not have gotten this far without loving the sport. She might be wondering what this is all about, does she want to play in college-maybe she doesn't want to disappoint you. Talk to her and force her to take a break. I make my kids take breaks (not allowed to touch the ball) for 3 -4 weeks every summer ( and we don't do summer select). This is the perfect time to take a few weeks off... guaranteed kids on her team are doing the same thing.

I also make my kids play rec sports (basketball, baseball, softball)... its a pressure release and also reminds them how good they have it at their soccer club.

If she doesn't love it aint worth it. Don't listen to the people that says she is gonna fall behind (2 months of downtime for a good athlete is nothing).

[Guest]

Thanks for all the feedback. We have been talking to her. She is totally committed to her team and it’s not for social as there are some players on the team that have major ego she doesn’t care for. She is tired mentally from a tough fall pushing herself to be seen by her coach and respected by the big ego girls. I do think that one negative player on the team may be taking a toll on her as middle school kids can be sensitive. I think she needs a break from a couple players. Coaches never see everything. She also has a lot of pain I think from growing but could be overuse in the knees. We are going to opt out of indoor league play. Let her enjoy the holidays with friends outside of soccer that she’s not competing with. She has no intention to leave the sport just needs a break from big personalities we believe. To answer the other question did she take a break over the summer? The answer is no.

[Guest]

My kid is a high school aged stars blue player who is almost all the way through the grind. I think that one of the things that has helped her avoid “burn out” over all of these years is that, as parents, we have always let her know that whatever decisions she makes about soccer are hers and we will support her no matter what. When she has had tough times, we have reminded her that soccer is not her entire identity (this is a big issue for these kids, I think). We have made it clear throughout the years that whether she continued to play at this level and stay on the path to college soccer or not, we want her to do what makes her happy. It’s almost become a joke at this point that, at her age, I will still just say “have fun” before games.

I think that parents need to actively engage with kids and make it clear that there is no expectation of a specific outcome when it comes to sports. I think when they know that they are truly making the decisions for themselves and don’t have a fear of disappointing other people, they will make the right choice for them. My kid has always had the “out” available and I really think that’s one of the reasons she continues to push herself and stay on this path. She knows she’s doing it for herself—no one else.

[Guest]

My wife and I have noticed our middle school daughter seems very tired and less interested in going to practice but claims she still loves her team. She plays ECNL on a national team. She has been playing and training it seems for years. There’s always a lot of pressure at this age, not only in soccer but at school. This winter seems to be as good of a time to just take a step back from soccer for a bit. Take a break so she’s refreshed for the spring. As I said no interest in quitting just showing signs of burn out. How much time can an ECNL level player take off over the winter to rest and regroup without risk of falling behind?

If she's on White, I wouldn't worry about taking a break as cuts are rare.

[Guest]

All this talk about the coach not giving the middle schooler the attention she craves is rubbish. The player needs to earn the coach's attention at trainings, games, etc.
Coaches are not trained to be counselors.
If your child is only in it to hang out with her friends, trust me, the team will be different next year. This is the ECNL.
Off season training is just as important.

It it time you and your wife do an introspection and ask yourselves if it is actually you who wants it. Sounds like her heart is not in soccer any more and you should do what is right for her mental health..

[Guest]

If she's on White, I wouldn't worry about taking a break as cuts are rare.

2009 and 2010 teams have had about 50%turnover in the past year.

[Guest]

All this talk about the coach not giving the middle schooler the attention she craves is rubbish. The player needs to earn the coach's attention at trainings, games, etc.
Coaches are not trained to be counselors.
If your child is only in it to hang out with her friends, trust me, the team will be different next year. This is the ECNL.
Off season training is just as important.

It it time you and your wife do an introspection and ask yourselves if it is actually you who wants it. Sounds like her heart is not in soccer any more and you should do what is right for her mental health..

^i was wondering how long it would take Sean to weigh in. I think the ‘mean girls’ comment has him a little sensitive about his team. It’s ok for them to be mean if they are the best kids on the field, right Sean?

[Guest]

^i was wondering how long it would take Sean to weigh in. I think the ‘mean girls’ comment has him a little sensitive about his team. It’s ok for them to be mean if they are the best kids on the field, right Sean?

It's "Shawn" btw. If you're going to pillory him, at least get his name right.
My d's been coached by him and we think he's the best she's ever had. FWIW.

No good ECNL coach (SM included) is around to be your middle school daughter's therapist. If the fire is too hot to handle move out of the kitchen. Likewise in ECNL.

Nothing worse than players and parents that are not committed. The team will hate her and she will hate you for putting her through that. Time you listened to your child.

And the coaching and meanness only gets worse.

[Guest]

It's "Shawn" btw. If you're going to pillory him, at least get his name right.
My d's been coached by him and we think he's the best she's ever had. FWIW.

No good ECNL coach (SM included) is around to be your middle school daughter's therapist. If the fire is too hot to handle move out of the kitchen. Likewise in ECNL.

Nothing worse than players and parents that are not committed. The team will hate her and she will hate you for putting her through that. Time you listened to your child.

And the coaching and meanness only gets worse.

Not only accepting the mean girl culture of the team, justifying it and leaning into it. Way to go, Sean.

[Guest]

Not only accepting the mean girl culture of the team, justifying it and leaning into it. Way to go, Sean.

That post has coach written all over it.

[Guest]

Our D was starting to go through this and we decided to make it easy and took the decision out of her hands.

We could just tell it was starting to feel like a job to her and she was more excited for basketball than say soccer etc.

Instead of total burnout we forced a break. We were upfront and honest and told her she could very well never get back to where she is now, but in our heart felt she could safely take a year or so break and still make a good DPL or similar type team - which is still great with mom and dad especially if she's happier.

The biggest thing (which we took care of for her) was showing her it's ok and that she's not letting us down. I honestly think as somebody else said, she was worried we may not love her if she scaled it back.

[Guest]

My wife and I have noticed our middle school daughter seems very tired and less interested in going to practice but claims she still loves her team. She plays ECNL on a national team. She has been playing and training it seems for years. There’s always a lot of pressure at this age, not only in soccer but at school. This winter seems to be as good of a time to just take a step back from soccer for a bit. Take a break so she’s refreshed for the spring. As I said no interest in quitting just showing signs of burn out. How much time can an ECNL level player take off over the winter to rest and regroup without risk of falling behind?

If she is on stars blue and not doing clinics and training (and self-training in addition) she is likely at risk to be cut this year. Coaches know who has the drive to stay on the team and is looking for those players for the high school chapter. If she is on stars white or scorpions then it may be ok to take a longer break.