How do you deal with a player like that on the team when the coach appears oblivious to it; but teammates are suffering because of it. This girl swears, calls her teammates names, makes nasty remarks to opponents on and off the field, commits blatant fouls/hits and overall dirty player. What is the recommendation here? Happens both within her own team and outside of her team.
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Move out of NJ. -
Pull her father aside and tell him to have her clean up her act. Like too many kids who are spoiled, its starts and ends with mom and dad. There's no place for that and if its a big enough issue, I'm sure you'd get support from other parents as well. If it continues go to the club itself. If she's still on the team you need to have your daughter in a different organization. If you're accurate in your description it certainly seems like you picked the wrong person to coach your child? Talk to the coach as well.Comment
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Happens typically when the coach has someone filling in for him; or at other team events where coach is not actively engaged with her specifically. Practices, camps, etc. Mom and dad have been approached in the past (several times) outside of the club arena (by other travel team parents, etc.) and they were immediately defensive and in denial. Their daughter walks on water, according to them, and anyone who complains about her is just jealous. She is not a starter, by the way. You may be right about being in the wrong organization if this doesn't stop. I am amazed at what this girl gets away with when the coach is not looking.Originally posted by Unregistered View PostComment
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We have a similar problem player. She does all of the petty nasty stuff plus she even tries to hurt teammates in practice with cheap slide tackles. Parents have complained to her parent but they always turn the issue back on them citing some perceived insult or slight. Parents have complained to the coach and even left the team over her. The girl has some talent and some family issues so our coach tries to work it through with them but so far the results have been unsatisfatory. Tough situation.Originally posted by Unregistered View PostComment
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I am going to weigh in a bit
I will make an assumption that this is pre-teen team. Or at least hope it is. Most "older" players would not attempt to get away with behavior for a number of reasons.
1) Her getting busted to the coach is but a smartphone video capture or two away and older players would be wise to that.
2) Non-starter...as they get older they get the message that being a non starter makes you on a bit of a short leash.
3) No mention of team captains sorting things out. Usually on older teams the team captains, 1 or more, will step forward and let the player know their behavior is not welcome.
So , lets go with it is a younger team It is still possible the lil-snowflake may change. Also, girls teams socially are very draconian. If the majority of the other players really do not approve of her behavior has it started to manifest itself on the field ? Look for teammates not passing to her when open, making comments between plays about her behavior, not really including her during breaks at games or practices... The signals are subtle and not so subtle. If it hasn't, it will. if it doesn't, the player has more internal support from her teammates supporting her behavior than you know and that is the kind of team you are looking at. They usually implode or explode once they start to see some adversity
And if the parents have been spoken to more than a few times, the coach knows (or should if he is competent) and has chosen to turn a blind eye to it. Another bad sign...
I would have my suitcases packed, either by choice or by eventual outcome. But if you really want to see change you will need to provide examples to the coach and that is an all in play, high risk and high reward..or not...Comment
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Older team and coach is very much aware. Tough situation because player obviously has problems and the coach is trying to be the decent person. Most of the parents understand the tight rope he is walking and support the effort. The ones who didn't have left.Comment
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I am the OP it is a U13 team. The girls are starting to notice the behavior and have made comments; however it is not just her behavior among her own team that is difficult to watch--it is her behavior with our club's second team--her behavior with opponents, or basically any player that appears to be a tier above her. It happens at camps when teams are mixed, and at regular games. The bullying issues extend beyond the field.
The video capture is absolutely a good idea though and there are a few parents that would likely be able to catch the dirty play. The nastiness -- calling players in her own club losers -- all the back and forth will eventually catch up with her. There are a number of players who have suffered at the hands of her bullying but have sucked it up for the team's sake and not wanting to cause problems. And you are right players on the team have apologized for her to opponents (when she is not within earshot). Hopefully her mold isn't set. She is capable of change; but so far she has just gotten better at hiding it. This team has no captains and look to the coach for nearly all leadership.Comment
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I agree to tape it. Tell the coach she needs to be dealt with or you go to the DOC with the issue and then youtube.Originally posted by Unregistered View PostComment
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OK, backtracking bit here,
Video her behavior, yes.
Go to coach, yes But as a group with other parents. As a stand alone you will get no where and YOU will be labeled the issue.
And unless you have one or two of the key players parents, nothing will happen at the club you are with and in particular the coach you have (he feeds off turmoil and divisiveness). But he is also not a fool. If he feels key players /parents are unhappy he will act.
Good luck, tough spot to be in......Comment
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The teammates need to make her feel uncomfortable & only respond to positive behavior. Strength in numbers. Hopefully she will change her ways or move on.Comment
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U16 team player was our bully. Coach was notified, parents were informed (and made excuses) and player was warned. She went under ground with bullying and ended up intentionally injuring two of her teammates during training. Problem was solved when parents of injured players threatened to hold, player, parents, coach, anc club liable because they knew she was a danger to others and failed to act. Now, I'm not a fan of law suits for everything, but sometimes, this si the only thing that parents and clubs understand. Schools and work places have guidelines concerning bullying and harrassement so why not clubs? BTW, the injured players missed most of their U16 season because of the bully...who then got to start due to player shortagage. FINALLY, when tryouts came around that spring, she was not invited back to the team.Comment
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Wrong answer. Responding by creating a sub-clique isn't the solution. If your coach tolerates it, find a coach that doesn't and move on - now.Originally posted by Unregistered View PostComment
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Wrong answer?Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
The coach will never be aware of everything that goes on & nor can they control everything that exists under the surface. They can control only so much. It's good to allow the kids to handle & stand up to these types with to what is acceptable as these types will continue to pop up often in life. It is too easy to pass on the responsibility to a coach or someday boss & then move on if he/she doesn't handle it correctly. Good luck in life with that, you may never find the right place to be. Are we not developing life skills also?Comment
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