Parents who suck the life out of a team

[beentheredonethat]

Truthfully, I think many of you are being overly nostalgic pining for the days gone past. If you will go back and remember, they had their share of issues back then as well. The world isn’t all that much different today, we just have difference issues and parameters to deal with. Self interest has always been the motivator. After all, even a selfless person ultimately has selfish reasons for their benevolence.

This is where my concept of the "Shared Mission" comes into play. In my mind the issue really comes down to trying to convince the pain in the butt parent “WHY” it is in their best interest to participate with the team. It is an education thing where everyone has to understand what they get out of the situation for accepting the role the coach has assigned them. The problem is this is pretty hard to do, and not everyone is capable of figuring things out or seeing their potential benefit. Then too, you do just have selfish people who don’t really care about other people. All they are concerned with is accumulating things. The truth of the matter though is that type of person has never really been what most of us would admire as winner. That has never changed. Even on the most successful teams in history you are going to find the same petty issues we are talking about here. What makes them different is someone was able to get all of the players to buy in and support the mission.

One thing that everyone seems to do on bad teams is point fingers. Even here everyone assumes that the problem is always the pain in the butt parent. The situation could be just as likely that the team problem is the sweet sideline parent who doesn’t push their child to get better. I have experienced just as many problems caused by the ego maniac parents that everyone seems to hate as I have the pleasant parents everyone seems to love. If you want to be associated with a successful team ultimately everyone has to accept responsibility their child’s role and their performance in it. One sure way to destroy a team is not “buying in” to that role and not accepting the accountability that goes with it. The personality issue many of you are writing about are really just irritants. It really comes down to playing nice with other people. If, as a group, you can’t all “play nice” together, then your kids will never play well together as a team.

[Unregistered]

Just wondering: Do successful teams have "poisonous parents"?

As a league director, we see more problems with parents of the younger teams than the older teams. The most poisonous and disruptive parents are those with the younger teams. The younger the team the worse the parental behavior. By U15, there are very few problems with parents, post U16 there are none.

Poisonous parents are usually the ones dealing with their first born children. By the time the third child is at that level the parents are much more relaxed and reasonable.

You obviously have not seen some of the high school teams in Central Mass then.

[beentheredonethat]

You obviously have not seen some of the high school teams in Central Mass then.

You may just need to come to grips with the apparent fact that your child is in a situation where the ingredients for greatness just aren't there. Quite frankly that is hardly a unique situation and unfortunately, like a lot of things in life, there is not a whole lot YOU can do to change it. Certainly, making anonymous posts about how bad things are isn't going to help. In fact, that sort of thing usually just makes the situation worse. If you are not happy with your child's high school program you have two choices. You can either fight to change the situation or you can move your child to another program more to your liking. Before you get started on that sort of mission, just know two things:

#1 - Institutions are extremely hard to change and usually the agent of any change ends up vilified by the masses because the majority is comfortable with the status quo.

#2 - No one but you believes that your child is "due" any athletic success or recognition.

[Unregistered]

I've attempted both changing and moving my kids from crappy situations, and BTDT is 100% correct. Change can occur, but it comes with a price for both the parent and kids. Moving is much easier and less stressful. Just be sure it's a better, not lateral move. Sometimes you just have to admit "it is what it is".

[Unregistered]

#2 - No one but you believes that your child is "due" any athletic success or recognition.

Although many times it's readily apparent to many, yet coaches fail to see it for a variety of reasons and non reasons. Sad really.

[Unregistered]

Coaches are human. They may have a surplus of players like yours, or just not appreciate what your child brings. The style of play and personalities of the team might not be a good fit. All of the above are valid reasons to explore a switch. From experience, it's not a panacea, but it sure can help, and it can be much more positive than banging your head against the wall.

[Unregistered]

What is difficult with this is a parent who gains the coaches ear then perpetuates an agenda geared towards their kid that causes good players to leave unnecessarily and the team slide into mediocrity. Shame on that parent and shame on that coach. A few MPS Cape parents fall into this category.

don't be a hypocrite BR

[Unregistered]

don't be a hypocrite BR

I am not sure what you mean but there are a few on my sons team who are doing this. We have lost some very good players because of it.

[Unregistered]

I am not sure what you mean but there are a few on my sons team who are doing this. We have lost some very good players because of it.

This happens to many teams. It's unfortunate but there are other clubs around.

[Unregistered]

Coaches are human. They may have a surplus of players like yours, or just not appreciate what your child brings. The style of play and personalities of the team might not be a good fit. All of the above are valid reasons to explore a switch. From experience, it's not a panacea, but it sure can help, and it can be much more positive than banging your head against the wall.

I think this post says alot towards the issue. Change is tough though and sometimes the only solution.

[Unregistered]

Everyone has choices. Both successful teams and not so successful teams can have a parent that does in fact suck the life from the team. Just because someone makes a choice to move on or not does not make someone inferior or superior to anyone else.

THere are life lessons to be learned here--and its not one size fits all. Some may want to teach their child to stick with it and not leave because of a bad apple. Other may chose to demonstrate to their child that you dont have to put up with bad behavior. Both are valuable lessons. Both will have their place in the real/adult world. Sma goes with coaches who play favorites--you can teach your kid to take it, or to stand up for him/herself or even to see that its not worth it and move on. All are simply choices--not good, not bad, but choices.

If you can stand to put up with the bad apples good for you. If you want to move on, good for you. It doesnt hurt to be supportive of everyones ability to make choices that suits their family. We are not all looking for the same thing.

[Unregistered]

Mothers who suck the life out coach and the coach has no energy and only think of the mothers. Let's talk about that one fathers.

[Unregistered]

Mothers who suck the life out coach and the coach has no energy and only think of the mothers. Let's talk about that one fathers.

You mean my wife sucks, that's a new one to me?

[Unregistered]

Thought that stopped after the wedding

[Unregistered]

Ummmm, there ARE kids who read these forums. Is that really necessary...