I found this on the Fl. forum and thought it was worth repeating here.
by College parent on Mon May 26, 2008 9:07 pm
My kid is in college playing soccer. So, one would think there were not too many things I did wrong, but in retrospect, there were.
My child started playing soccer at the age of 4 in rec. I am lucky that he continued playing soccer, due to my yelling on the field. I did not have any background or ANY knowledge of soccer early on, and had no clue as to what was happening on the field.
I am a Type A competitive person and quickly found myself yelling advise to my son and his teammates...stupid advise. My child, despite me, joined the local "club soccer" team at the age of 8. What little knowledge I had of the game increased, but, the stupidity of my comments and yelling did not.
At this level, what I did that was right, (and he was developing skills), was put him into summer camps, and get a lot of extra training. Because of this extra training, his skill level increased and he made a move to a larger club and a better coached team, and then after a couple of years, he moved to an even better team, where he was seen by college coaches. I think it is paramount. If your child is intersted in college, then have them play on the highest level, for the best team, and one that goes to the best tournaments etc. I think he agrees with this, but not much more.
The things I wished I had not done, (which never made a difference in any game, or I was incredibly luckly that, in the end, they made no difference)....were.
1. Yell at him during games..he hated it, was embarressed on the field by my continual yelling.
2. Yell at the refs in the game about any play that went against our team. I never learned that my opinion did not matter, that it was just a knee-jerk opinion based on what other parents were saying, or based on faulty soccer knowledge.
3. Get over involved. My child just wanted me to be like the other parents that attended the games who did not feel the need to yell, talk game strategy late at night during tournaments, discuss what players did well that day, the players that did not perform, who should start, who should be benched, etc. (You all know those parents, I was one.)
4. Take it upon myself to spend more money than I could afford in providing meals, rides, and offer my "insight" to his teammates etc, Not that my son thought it was bad, just that it was ingraciating and over reaching.
5. Become involved with this site which was considered by players, an adult site for over involved parents.
6. Talk on the phone to other parents on the team about tryouts, what new players were trying out, tournaments, coaching decisions etc. Again overinvolved.
7. Yelling at players on the opposing team, screaming "offsides" "dirty player" etc...etc.
Well, it goes on and on. I remember his words and the look in his face, when we came off the field in many games, and in many tournaments. "I hate it when you do this" "If you do not quit, I will". "I never want you to attend another game".
As bad as I was, there were parents that were much worse. Does not makes me feel better. How my child performed on the field was directly linked to MY self esteem. My child was a more adult than I ever was.
The bottom line is, the team moves we made were good, and the rest was bad, my bad, BUT in the end, my son survived me. It was what HE did that was right made the difference. He made good grades, got good SAT's scores, and HE cared more about the "game" and his teammates.
by College parent on Mon May 26, 2008 9:07 pm
My kid is in college playing soccer. So, one would think there were not too many things I did wrong, but in retrospect, there were.
My child started playing soccer at the age of 4 in rec. I am lucky that he continued playing soccer, due to my yelling on the field. I did not have any background or ANY knowledge of soccer early on, and had no clue as to what was happening on the field.
I am a Type A competitive person and quickly found myself yelling advise to my son and his teammates...stupid advise. My child, despite me, joined the local "club soccer" team at the age of 8. What little knowledge I had of the game increased, but, the stupidity of my comments and yelling did not.
At this level, what I did that was right, (and he was developing skills), was put him into summer camps, and get a lot of extra training. Because of this extra training, his skill level increased and he made a move to a larger club and a better coached team, and then after a couple of years, he moved to an even better team, where he was seen by college coaches. I think it is paramount. If your child is intersted in college, then have them play on the highest level, for the best team, and one that goes to the best tournaments etc. I think he agrees with this, but not much more.
The things I wished I had not done, (which never made a difference in any game, or I was incredibly luckly that, in the end, they made no difference)....were.
1. Yell at him during games..he hated it, was embarressed on the field by my continual yelling.
2. Yell at the refs in the game about any play that went against our team. I never learned that my opinion did not matter, that it was just a knee-jerk opinion based on what other parents were saying, or based on faulty soccer knowledge.
3. Get over involved. My child just wanted me to be like the other parents that attended the games who did not feel the need to yell, talk game strategy late at night during tournaments, discuss what players did well that day, the players that did not perform, who should start, who should be benched, etc. (You all know those parents, I was one.)
4. Take it upon myself to spend more money than I could afford in providing meals, rides, and offer my "insight" to his teammates etc, Not that my son thought it was bad, just that it was ingraciating and over reaching.
5. Become involved with this site which was considered by players, an adult site for over involved parents.
6. Talk on the phone to other parents on the team about tryouts, what new players were trying out, tournaments, coaching decisions etc. Again overinvolved.
7. Yelling at players on the opposing team, screaming "offsides" "dirty player" etc...etc.
Well, it goes on and on. I remember his words and the look in his face, when we came off the field in many games, and in many tournaments. "I hate it when you do this" "If you do not quit, I will". "I never want you to attend another game".
As bad as I was, there were parents that were much worse. Does not makes me feel better. How my child performed on the field was directly linked to MY self esteem. My child was a more adult than I ever was.
The bottom line is, the team moves we made were good, and the rest was bad, my bad, BUT in the end, my son survived me. It was what HE did that was right made the difference. He made good grades, got good SAT's scores, and HE cared more about the "game" and his teammates.