Physical Play

[Unregistered]

You misspelled girls.

Nope, I have seen it happen in both boys club and travel soccer. Those kids who "peaked" too early try to hang on for a year or two on a team by trying to bully those kids who have passed them by. It doesn't work as those kids get exposed in games and scrimmages.

[Unregistered]

You can stop being such a busy body. It’s not your team. You are not the coach. You are not a player. Your description of the situation makes this other girl to be the problem, but you don’t know for sure she is not being bullied or targeted. You were sure to point out that this player is not aggressive enough, which is childish. You don’t really want to help the other girl. You want to hear how she should move to another team to suit your wishes. The irony here is you are the problem, mom.

100%, but expect her to skip right over your comment because this mom only replies to people that treat her with “kid gloves”.

There are other factors involved that I'm unable to point out, it would almost certainly ID the team in question. Sorry for that. So, I understand your defense for this player. However, we have gone above and beyond for a while now, tried to "help the other girl" fit with the group. But, as was stated, the player does fine time to time when she is one on one with a teammate, but in team setting, she does not get involved. Would you socialize outside of soccer with a player from your team on a Saturday, if on the previous Wednesday, you accuse them of intentionally trying to hurt you when you were in a team setting? Personally, I was never bullied or targeted, but if I felt I was (as this girls seems to feel), I certainly would not go hang out with the bullies (one on one) after they bullied me, no?

Let's for a minute assume the player is the problem, due to an emotional issue, and we have confirmed there is no targeting going on. I certainly sympathize for the emotional issue. Would your advise continue to be to support the player by having the other player's apologize whenever she decides to get emotional and point out a situation where she feels she is being targeted? To your not aggressive enough point. It has nothing to do with her not being aggressive enough, she is a solid player as was stated. The aggressive and physical statement is more of how the group interacts while fooling around, and yes, sometimes in training and games when needed. It seems she is always the one coming up "hurt", and it was always "intentional". It's never been that a player has said something hurtful, it is always a "physical" thing. Why does none of the other dozen or so girls never come up saying, so and so hurt me intentionally?

So the question is, when is it time for parents to defend their player and stop having them apologize, when the girls parents every so often bring it to your attention that your kid hurt their player intentionally?

[Unregistered]

Nope, I have seen it happen in both boys club and travel soccer. Those kids who "peaked" too early try to hang on for a year or two on a team by trying to bully those kids who have passed them by. It doesn't work as those kids get exposed in games and scrimmages.

This is not the case at all. This player has certainly not passed by the players that have been accused. It is a strong group top to bottom, not much of a drop off, and no real super stars. It's not like the top 3 or 4 are able to target the bottom 3 or 4, because there is not that big of a gap. Let's not forget there is a sibling in her family, that has had the exact same issue's for 4 years in a row on 4 different teams. At what point do the parents of this player say to themselves, is this an "us" problem, as there is a pattern in my family, it can't be the fault of the 80 plus kids my 2 children have played with?

[Unregistered]

Let’s face it, you are a helicopter mom. You want to solve everything for your child instead of letting her handle things. Anything that gets in the way of her happiness must be eliminated. Look at the background you stated on the other girl’s sister. Did you do an Intellisearch on the entire family, mom? The biggest problem today is that many parents are immature and do not set good examples for their children. How you negatively projected on the other girl on this site more than definitely was projected to your daughter in the exact same way. You are the problem, mom. Grow up.

You can stop being such a busy body. It’s not your team. You are not the coach. You are not a player. Your description of the situation makes this other girl to be the problem, but you don’t know for sure she is not being bullied or targeted. You were sure to point out that this player is not aggressive enough, which is childish. You don’t really want to help the other girl. You want to hear how she should move to another team to suit your wishes. The irony here is you are the problem, mom.


There are other factors involved that I'm unable to point out, it would almost certainly ID the team in question. Sorry for that. So, I understand your defense for this player. However, we have gone above and beyond for a while now, tried to "help the other girl" fit with the group. But, as was stated, the player does fine time to time when she is one on one with a teammate, but in team setting, she does not get involved. Would you socialize outside of soccer with a player from your team on a Saturday, if on the previous Wednesday, you accuse them of intentionally trying to hurt you when you were in a team setting? Personally, I was never bullied or targeted, but if I felt I was (as this girls seems to feel), I certainly would not go hang out with the bullies (one on one) after they bullied me, no?

Let's for a minute assume the player is the problem, due to an emotional issue, and we have confirmed there is no targeting going on. I certainly sympathize for the emotional issue. Would your advise continue to be to support the player by having the other player's apologize whenever she decides to get emotional and point out a situation where she feels she is being targeted? To your not aggressive enough point. It has nothing to do with her not being aggressive enough, she is a solid player as was stated. The aggressive and physical statement is more of how the group interacts while fooling around, and yes, sometimes in training and games when needed. It seems she is always the one coming up "hurt", and it was always "intentional". It's never been that a player has said something hurtful, it is always a "physical" thing. Why does none of the other dozen or so girls never come up saying, so and so hurt me intentionally?

So the question is, when is it time for parents to defend their player and stop having them apologize, when the girls parents every so often bring it to your attention that your kid hurt their player intentionally?

[Unregistered]

Let’s face it, you are a helicopter mom. You want to solve everything for your child instead of letting her handle things. Anything that gets in the way of her happiness must be eliminated. Look at the background you stated on the other girl’s sister. Did you do an Intellisearch on the entire family, mom? The biggest problem today is that many parents are immature and do not set good examples for their children. How you negatively projected on the other girl on this site more than definitely was projected to your daughter in the exact same way. You are the problem, mom. Grow up.

As was stated, I won't give any other information, but trust me, you would see the light if I did. The question that was posted for advice, you did not touch on. You are just going to keep defending the player and playing the devil's advocate. You couldn't even "pretend" that the rest of the group is not in the wrong, and give advice if it is the sole player with the issues. Basically looking for advise on how to handle a player on the team that OBVIOUSLY has pretty severe emotional issues from time to time.

[Unregistered]

Advice on u9 and u12 would be appreciated. Thanks

It's not your decision and if the players are U12 or under, it will sort itself out in a year or two as the team should become more of a commitment for every player. If she does not commit and it is a serious club, then she will not get an offer at some point. The parents should know this too. Whatever their choice is up to them, and, somewhat regrettably, the player will need to choose shortly whether soccer or dance is more important. On the flip side, she likely misses some dance stuff too and that probably ruffles those parents' feathers as well. While all of this is fine at U12 and under, it just doesnt fly later and when you commit to a team, you need to be there.

[Unregistered]

It's not your decision and if the players are U12 or under, it will sort itself out in a year or two as the team should become more of a commitment for every player. If she does not commit and it is a serious club, then she will not get an offer at some point. The parents should know this too. Whatever their choice is up to them, and, somewhat regrettably, the player will need to choose shortly whether soccer or dance is more important. On the flip side, she likely misses some dance stuff too and that probably ruffles those parents' feathers as well. While all of this is fine at U12 and under, it just doesnt fly later and when you commit to a team, you need to be there.

Agree. But what do we do in the meantime, for say the next year or two, where some of the girls are being called out from time to time for "intentionally" hurting the player? The parents have not gone to the coach, ever, with these issues, probably out of fear the player would no longer make the team, as I'm sure coach is aware of the emotional disconnect this player has with the rest of the team. It has been more of a text situation between her parents, and the "culprits" parents. But now, fairly recently, there was a face to face, and her parents did it in front of the culprit and the culprits parents only, and their daughter? The culprit begged for forgiveness, and said the collision was an accident, as both players went down in the collision, and was not during training/practice/game, it was during fool around time during a tournament. The "hurt" player, screamed at the culprit, basically rejecting her apology in front of the 4 parents, and ran off. The "hurt" parents allowed this.


My question is, if she was so hurt to the point where her parents felt the need to make an issue, and then allow her to not accept the apology, why was she able to continue playing in the tournament? To bring it to that point, shouldn't the player not be able to continue if she was that hurt? Why not bring it to the coach? Seems like parents want her to fit in really bad, and so does the team, but emotionally for the player, does not seem like it can happen. Karen is creating a little Karen!!!

Done posting on this, thanks for all input.

[Unregistered]

As was stated, I won't give any other information, but trust me, you would see the light if I did. The question that was posted for advice, you did not touch on. You are just going to keep defending the player and playing the devil's advocate. You couldn't even "pretend" that the rest of the group is not in the wrong, and give advice if it is the sole player with the issues. Basically looking for advise on how to handle a player on the team that OBVIOUSLY has pretty severe emotional issues from time to time.

Are you the coach? A close family friend? If so then have a private conversation with the parents. Otherwise stay out. It's their family issue not yours.

If you're their parent, which I suspect based on your posts, you've been told many times - find another place to play, stop hovering and coddling them, and most importantly get them help to deal with life struggles. They're going to have MANY and having coping mechanisms will make a huge difference. If they're struggling emotionally it isn't necessarily your fault, but clearly you see there's issues. Do something about it.

[Unregistered]

My advice, if you read it carefully, is bud out.

As was stated, I won't give any other information, but trust me, you would see the light if I did. The question that was posted for advice, you did not touch on. You are just going to keep defending the player and playing the devil's advocate. You couldn't even "pretend" that the rest of the group is not in the wrong, and give advice if it is the sole player with the issues. Basically looking for advise on how to handle a player on the team that OBVIOUSLY has pretty severe emotional issues from time to time.

[Unregistered]

Agree. But what do we do in the meantime, for say the next year or two, where some of the girls are being called out from time to time for "intentionally" hurting the player? The parents have not gone to the coach, ever, with these issues, probably out of fear the player would no longer make the team, as I'm sure coach is aware of the emotional disconnect this player has with the rest of the team. It has been more of a text situation between her parents, and the "culprits" parents. But now, fairly recently, there was a face to face, and her parents did it in front of the culprit and the culprits parents only, and their daughter? The culprit begged for forgiveness, and said the collision was an accident, as both players went down in the collision, and was not during training/practice/game, it was during fool around time during a tournament. The "hurt" player, screamed at the culprit, basically rejecting her apology in front of the 4 parents, and ran off. The "hurt" parents allowed this.


My question is, if she was so hurt to the point where her parents felt the need to make an issue, and then allow her to not accept the apology, why was she able to continue playing in the tournament? To bring it to that point, shouldn't the player not be able to continue if she was that hurt? Why not bring it to the coach? Seems like parents want her to fit in really bad, and so does the team, but emotionally for the player, does not seem like it can happen. Karen is creating a little Karen!!!

Done posting on this, thanks for all input.

What is there to do? As a mom or dad, go and talk to her parents on the side. Invite them out for a coffee or a drink 1 on 1. You will find out their side of the story and then you will be in a better position on how to instruct your child (not the team .... that is ganging up). If they are nuts, remind your daughter to be a good teammate and person and not to get caught up in cliques. Have you considered that your team might be cliquey?!? If they are not nuts, perhaps you should remind your daughter to avoid the kids you believed were not in the wrong. GET THE FULL STORY IN PERSON!! Talk to them (not through your coach) and be open-minded. My youngest was on team full of crazy parents .... the kids were also crazy. Left after one year as we wanted her to focus on soccer, not drama and theatrics.

[Unregistered]

Agree. But what do we do in the meantime, for say the next year or two, where some of the girls are being called out from time to time for "intentionally" hurting the player? The parents have not gone to the coach, ever, with these issues, probably out of fear the player would no longer make the team, as I'm sure coach is aware of the emotional disconnect this player has with the rest of the team. It has been more of a text situation between her parents, and the "culprits" parents. But now, fairly recently, there was a face to face, and her parents did it in front of the culprit and the culprits parents only, and their daughter? The culprit begged for forgiveness, and said the collision was an accident, as both players went down in the collision, and was not during training/practice/game, it was during fool around time during a tournament. The "hurt" player, screamed at the culprit, basically rejecting her apology in front of the 4 parents, and ran off. The "hurt" parents allowed this.


My question is, if she was so hurt to the point where her parents felt the need to make an issue, and then allow her to not accept the apology, why was she able to continue playing in the tournament? To bring it to that point, shouldn't the player not be able to continue if she was that hurt? Why not bring it to the coach? Seems like parents want her to fit in really bad, and so does the team, but emotionally for the player, does not seem like it can happen. Karen is creating a little Karen!!!

Done posting on this, thanks for all input.

You are overly invested in your kid’s ulittle soccer team. If your kid isn’t one of those being “accused” of anything, then you’re clearly too involved and trash talking this family with other parents. At the beginning of this thread, I thought you may actually want to help this girl because you were asking for advice. Sorry I wasted my time making a few suggestions.

Side note—it’s pretty clear that you don’t have kids that are older and have gone through the club soccer process before. If your oldest is u12 and you think that all of the “studs” at this age will all continue to be top players, you have a rude awakening coming.

[Unregistered]

You are overly invested in your kid’s ulittle soccer team. If your kid isn’t one of those being “accused” of anything, then you’re clearly too involved and trash talking this family with other parents. At the beginning of this thread, I thought you may actually want to help this girl because you were asking for advice. Sorry I wasted my time making a few suggestions.

Side note—it’s pretty clear that you don’t have kids that are older and have gone through the club soccer process before. If your oldest is u12 and you think that all of the “studs” at this age will all continue to be top players, you have a rude awakening coming.

I don't think it's a "concerned parent" at all - I think it is THE parent of these two girls. If I'm wrong the Op should just stay out of it. Only someone with close relationship with the family or the coach should discuss this with the parents. If the coach thinks his/her other players are part of the problem then that's on them to figure it out and address it. Mean girl issues only get worse as they get older. A coach can't do much about that off the field but they definitely can when players are under their charge.

[Unregistered]

Okay Snowflake... Go Learn Knitting

Why does the PP deserve a "snowflake" comment?

The team is still obviously a bad fit but it doesn't mean the girls are innocent. Girls will target kids they view as weaker in many different ways and frankly, if you feel ganged up on,on your own team it sounds like the problem is the team.

Teammates are supposed to support each other as well as push each other. This girl may very well be on the wrong team for her but her teammates sound like a44holes to me.

[Unregistered]

This post is self serving.

[Unregistered]

When the player is one on one (rarely) with another teammate, as stated, some go to school together and live in same town, there is no issue. It is when the team is together, and this player doesn't have that one v one attention of one person at a time, she clams up, and avoids the group. She is on the bottom half of the roster in all's opinion, but it is not a drastic drop off from the top of the roster to the bottom. There will always be some form of bullying when dealing with kids, to me, it is part of life as long as it does not go too far. I just don't feel that is the case here at all. Reason... The player associates, like I said one on one. She does mostly only with the player that her parents decided to call out this player and her parents. So if it is bullying, why does this player and the "accused" player associate with each other when they are one v one outside of soccer? Wouldn't the one possibly being bullied not want to associate with the bully at all if this is a case of bullying?

Her ability to deal with teammates individually doesn't mean that those same teammates don't act like jerks as a group. Kids in a group will often behave very differently than they would one on one. Kids will tend to gravitate to a "safety in numbers' and act in ways they would otherwise acknowledge as "ugly" but simply follow along with the group.

If this player is perceiving being the target then regardless of how you see it she likely is being the target.