Physical Play

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Her other sport is dance. So I agree with you. It is not our decision to have the player move on somewhere else. So, what do we do to help prevent this from continually happening if she stays on the team?

Again, advice will vary greatly based in the age of these players.

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Again, advice will vary greatly based in the age of these players.

Advice on u9 and u12 would be appreciated. Thanks

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Advice on u9 and u12 would be appreciated. Thanks

The physicality only ramps up as they get older, especially on more competitive teams. It may not be in her nature to be physically assertive. Some kids just aren't and that's ok. Does she really love soccer? If so she may just need a different team.

Mean girls is a whole other thing that infiltrates sports, school, activities etc

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The physicality only ramps up as they get older, especially on more competitive teams. It may not be in her nature to be physically assertive. Some kids just aren't and that's ok. Does she really love soccer? If so she may just need a different team.

Mean girls is a whole other thing that infiltrates sports, school, activities etc

I'm aware of the physicality part etc. I have to assume the passion must be there, as they play multiple times weekly all year. You have to have the passion if you commit to that much soccer. I would agree, the team is not a fit for her. As far as mean girls, again, I do not believe that to be the case, as most parents have spoken, and there has been no issue with any of the other players. Could this be, majority of the team is ganging up on 1 player? I just can't imagine that knowing the situation. Basically, looking for advice on how to handle this when it happens again, as there has been smoke a few times in the past, but now it did turn into a little more this time around. I'm fairly certain this happens more often than not with teams.

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I'm aware of the physicality part etc. I have to assume the passion must be there, as they play multiple times weekly all year. You have to have the passion if you commit to that much soccer. I would agree, the team is not a fit for her. As far as mean girls, again, I do not believe that to be the case, as most parents have spoken, and there has been no issue with any of the other players. Could this be, majority of the team is ganging up on 1 player? I just can't imagine that knowing the situation. Basically, looking for advice on how to handle this when it happens again, as there has been smoke a few times in the past, but now it did turn into a little more this time around. I'm fairly certain this happens more often than not with teams.

My advice would be to enjoy watching your kid play and let the coach decide if this player is a good fit for the team or not. It seems a little petty to be this worried about a U little girls team. Maybe take this opportunity to teach your daughter that you don’t always have to be best friends with your teammates, but you should still treat them with respect. Then just sit back and hope this girl doesn’t toughen up and take your daughter roster spot on a real team someday. Just a thought.

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The physicality only ramps up as they get older, especially on more competitive teams. It may not be in her nature to be physically assertive. Some kids just aren't and that's ok. Does she really love soccer? If so she may just need a different team.

Mean girls is a whole other thing that infiltrates sports, school, activities etc

Given that the poster is asking about u9 and u12, the kids that are the most physically assertive right now may not be those that are by u14 and above….

As far as advice on the situation based on the ages given—at u9, these kids should be more focused on individual skill vs. playing physical, aggressive soccer. (Before you accuse me of being “soft”, my kid is now HS aged and plays in ECNL—the league is VERY physical. But you have to be physical AND skilled to make those teams and stay there.). If practices at u9 are overly physical, I’d be wondering how much the coach is actually focusing on individual skills (dribbling, 1v1 moves, playing the ball with all surfaces of the foot, taking the ball down out of the air, etc). Lots of physical play in practice sounds like lots of scrimmaging—for any age, that shouldn’t be the majority of a session, and most definitely not at u9.

U12 would be a bit different in that you’d expect more physical play in training and games, but it should still be controlled. Under u13/14, you will typically see “top” teams that have quite a few early bloomers. Those that work on their technical skills will be OK when some of the smaller, less aggressive kids inevitably catch up once puberty hits. Kids that rely only on strength, speed and physical play won’t fare as well.

With that backdrop in mind, it does sound like this situation may be an example of kids targeting a player that has shown some “weakness” at some point and, unfortunately, that can happen. If I were the parent of one of the kids on this team, I would tell them that the best way to show strength and toughness is to stand up for the teammate that’s being targeted. As someone said, as kids get older (especially the kids playing on high level teams), the soccer gets tougher. That previous poster was referring to it being physically tougher, but it’s also mentally tougher (competing with your teammates for playing time, seeing new players come to training that are trying to take your spot, etc). Most of the kids that make it through the gauntlet of high level soccer are kids that are not afraid to put themselves in uncomfortable situations and are willing to take risks. That’s the type of kid that won’t let a teammate get targeted by everyone else. And it’s a great life lesson that goes way beyond any sport.

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Reason #748 that boys soccer is better than girls soccer.

Boys soccer can be even worse. I have seen a number of instances over the past couple of years with boys who "peaked too early" and don't want to put the work in to get better. They try to turn teammates against new players as well as players who passed them by, both physically and technically. Good coaches weed these players out as they can drag down the whole team.

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If I were the parent of one of the kids on this team, I would tell them that the best way to show strength and toughness is to stand up for the teammate that’s being targeted. [/QUOTE]


That's exactly the issue. There is nothing for these kids to stand up for. To the parents knowledge, per the kids, there is no bullying going on. So, now what? Do we just keep listening to these accusations, and apologizing, and saying, "I'm sorry, it was not intentional". That's getting old, and I don't feel it's right to keep having players apologize, when they feel they did nothing wrong!?!? Let's say it is an emotional issue on the 1 players part. What can we do about that?

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If I were the parent of one of the kids on this team, I would tell them that the best way to show strength and toughness is to stand up for the teammate that’s being targeted.

That's exactly the issue. There is nothing for these kids to stand up for. To the parents knowledge, per the kids, there is no bullying going on. So, now what? Do we just keep listening to these accusations, and apologizing, and saying, "I'm sorry, it was not intentional". That's getting old, and I don't feel it's right to keep having players apologize, when they feel they did nothing wrong!?!? Let's say it is an emotional issue on the 1 players part. What can we do about that?[/QUOTE]

Teach your kid to support a teammate that’s going through a difficult time.

You’ve said yourself that in a group setting this kid feels isolated and uncomfortable in some way. If “nothing” is happening, it seems odd that this would be the case. And even if you’re correct, telling your kid to be compassionate and encouraging them to go out of their way to help a struggling teammate seems to be a pretty obvious option.

You don’t give up being ultra competitive by being a good human being. Kids can do both.

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That's exactly the issue. There is nothing for these kids to stand up for. To the parents knowledge, per the kids, there is no bullying going on. So, now what? Do we just keep listening to these accusations, and apologizing, and saying, "I'm sorry, it was not intentional". That's getting old, and I don't feel it's right to keep having players apologize, when they feel they did nothing wrong!?!? Let's say it is an emotional issue on the 1 players part. What can we do about that?

Teach your kid to support a teammate that’s going through a difficult time.

You’ve said yourself that in a group setting this kid feels isolated and uncomfortable in some way. If “nothing” is happening, it seems odd that this would be the case. And even if you’re correct, telling your kid to be compassionate and encouraging them to go out of their way to help a struggling teammate seems to be a pretty obvious option.

You don’t give up being ultra competitive by being a good human being. Kids can do both.[/QUOTE]


All great points. But doesn't help with this situation. As was stated, there has been no other issues on this team. It does seem the girls have possibly been removing the kid gloves recently, I feel they are frustrated with the lack of commitment from the player, and the obvious difference of opinion in what the player accuses from time to time. Parents obviously have advised their kids to stay positive with the player, and continue to make her feel more wanted on the team. Not much response from the player for some time now. Frustrating when you discuss with your player, and her view is very different than what the player and parent are saying. Seems very petty the things the player is complaining about. Don't know what else to do. But just can't keep having kids apologize with no further backup that these petty things are happening.

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Is this a town or club team? If it’s club is there only one team in this age group?
Have you staid and watched practices? To see if there is anything going on? Maybe as a suggestion you and the parent of the player can stay and watch the kids practice?

Asking a kid if they did anything wrong to another player what type of answer would you expect to get? Maybe they don’t think anything is wrong? Usually dealing with kids there’s probably something in the middle to what is really going on.

I’m still trying to figure out how this coach is running this team?
There has to be something going on while the coach is there unless the coach is so oblivious to everything or doesn’t want to notice anything?

As a parent you should probably never start out with my kids team is physical. Just from some experience physical teams don’t usually turn into good soccer teams at the older age groups.
Maybe these players should work more on their soccer skills and less on being physical.

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You can stop being such a busy body. It’s not your team. You are not the coach. You are not a player. Your description of the situation makes this other girl to be the problem, but you don’t know for sure she is not being bullied or targeted. You were sure to point out that this player is not aggressive enough, which is childish. You don’t really want to help the other girl. You want to hear how she should move to another team to suit your wishes. The irony here is you are the problem, mom.

If I were the parent of one of the kids on this team, I would tell them that the best way to show strength and toughness is to stand up for the teammate that’s being targeted.

That's exactly the issue. There is nothing for these kids to stand up for. To the parents knowledge, per the kids, there is no bullying going on. So, now what? Do we just keep listening to these accusations, and apologizing, and saying, "I'm sorry, it was not intentional". That's getting old, and I don't feel it's right to keep having players apologize, when they feel they did nothing wrong!?!? Let's say it is an emotional issue on the 1 players part. What can we do about that?[/QUOTE]

[Unregistered]

You can stop being such a busy body. It’s not your team. You are not the coach. You are not a player. Your description of the situation makes this other girl to be the problem, but you don’t know for sure she is not being bullied or targeted. You were sure to point out that this player is not aggressive enough, which is childish. You don’t really want to help the other girl. You want to hear how she should move to another team to suit your wishes. The irony here is you are the problem, mom.

100%, but expect her to skip right over your comment because this mom only replies to people that treat her with “kid gloves”.

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Boys soccer can be even worse. I have seen a number of instances over the past couple of years with boys who "peaked too early" and don't want to put the work in to get better. They try to turn teammates against new players as well as players who passed them by, both physically and technically. Good coaches weed these players out as they can drag down the whole team.

You misspelled girls.

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For the love of god people please figure out how to use the quote function!