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    Physical Play

    A group of girls on a team play a style that is more physical than most girls teams, not dirty, but very aggressive (in games, trainings, and when fooling around together, between games/before after training sessions). There is a player that is considered "soft" on the team by the players/parents. The player constantly cries and does seem to have emotional issues, never sits with the team during breaks or between games, has very rare social interaction outside soccer with the team, and has been invited numerous times to join in outside group activities, but no change in the situation. She feels that when this group "hurts" her, they are doing it intentionally. That is not the case, but ok, that's how the player feels. The coach has not once advised us parents that we need to speak with our girls in regard to this "issue". This players parents are now calling out another player and their parents on the team, face to face in front of their children, saying that their child was intentionally hurt. Again, not the case at all. The player has other athletic interests, and misses a lot due to the other sports. That is not the case with the rest of the team, so that does cause a bit of a disconnect with her and the group. The player goes to the same school with some of these girls, so a soccer "breakup" would spill over at school is the other issue. I know there will be many troll responses here... Looking for suggestions on how you as a parent would handle this situation? This family has had the same issue with another one of their children (4 teams in 4 years). We like the family, but it seems most on the team are growing very tired of wearing "kid gloves" around this player.

    #2
    Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
    A group of girls on a team play a style that is more physical than most girls teams, not dirty, but very aggressive (in games, trainings, and when fooling around together, between games/before after training sessions). There is a player that is considered "soft" on the team by the players/parents. The player constantly cries and does seem to have emotional issues, never sits with the team during breaks or between games, has very rare social interaction outside soccer with the team, and has been invited numerous times to join in outside group activities, but no change in the situation. She feels that when this group "hurts" her, they are doing it intentionally. That is not the case, but ok, that's how the player feels. The coach has not once advised us parents that we need to speak with our girls in regard to this "issue". This players parents are now calling out another player and their parents on the team, face to face in front of their children, saying that their child was intentionally hurt. Again, not the case at all. The player has other athletic interests, and misses a lot due to the other sports. That is not the case with the rest of the team, so that does cause a bit of a disconnect with her and the group. The player goes to the same school with some of these girls, so a soccer "breakup" would spill over at school is the other issue. I know there will be many troll responses here... Looking for suggestions on how you as a parent would handle this situation? This family has had the same issue with another one of their children (4 teams in 4 years). We like the family, but it seems most on the team are growing very tired of wearing "kid gloves" around this player.
    Reason #748 that boys soccer is better than girls soccer.

    Comment


      #3
      Boys soccer not better than girls. I love both having a son and daughter. Girls are more focused often better technically and more mature. Boys are faster, more creative and exciting.

      In this case though, this girl is on the wrong team.
      She’s very sensitive and possibly insecure and likely over scheduled by parents who think their kids need to play 3-4 sports… which is very trendy but a total mental burnout.
      Sounds like your kids a passionate about the sport and more competitive. They sound athletic, confident etc. I hope this over scheduled girl gets the break she needs and land on a team that is a little more relaxed.

      Comment


        #4
        Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
        Boys soccer not better than girls. I love both having a son and daughter. Girls are more focused often better technically and more mature. Boys are faster, more creative and exciting.

        In this case though, this girl is on the wrong team.
        She’s very sensitive and possibly insecure and likely over scheduled by parents who think their kids need to play 3-4 sports… which is very trendy but a total mental burnout.
        Sounds like your kids a passionate about the sport and more competitive. They sound athletic, confident etc. I hope this over scheduled girl gets the break she needs and land on a team that is a little more relaxed.
        Girls are generally more focused, yes. Better technically is an illusion due to the extra time and space created by the gap in pace.

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
          Boys soccer not better than girls. I love both having a son and daughter. Girls are more focused often better technically and more mature. Boys are faster, more creative and exciting.

          In this case though, this girl is on the wrong team.
          She’s very sensitive and possibly insecure and likely over scheduled by parents who think their kids need to play 3-4 sports… which is very trendy but a total mental burnout.
          Sounds like your kids a passionate about the sport and more competitive. They sound athletic, confident etc. I hope this over scheduled girl gets the break she needs and land on a team that is a little more relaxed.
          ^ this. Find a better fit.

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
            A group of girls on a team play a style that is more physical than most girls teams, not dirty, but very aggressive (in games, trainings, and when fooling around together, between games/before after training sessions). There is a player that is considered "soft" on the team by the players/parents. The player constantly cries and does seem to have emotional issues, never sits with the team during breaks or between games, has very rare social interaction outside soccer with the team, and has been invited numerous times to join in outside group activities, but no change in the situation. She feels that when this group "hurts" her, they are doing it intentionally. That is not the case, but ok, that's how the player feels. The coach has not once advised us parents that we need to speak with our girls in regard to this "issue". This players parents are now calling out another player and their parents on the team, face to face in front of their children, saying that their child was intentionally hurt. Again, not the case at all. The player has other athletic interests, and misses a lot due to the other sports. That is not the case with the rest of the team, so that does cause a bit of a disconnect with her and the group. The player goes to the same school with some of these girls, so a soccer "breakup" would spill over at school is the other issue. I know there will be many troll responses here... Looking for suggestions on how you as a parent would handle this situation? This family has had the same issue with another one of their children (4 teams in 4 years). We like the family, but it seems most on the team are growing very tired of wearing "kid gloves" around this player.
            You really need to provide the age of this group to get any real advice. Big difference if you’re talking about u9 vs u13+.

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
              You really need to provide the age of this group to get any real advice. Big difference if you’re talking about u9 vs u13+.
              Yes, age range is critical to what might be going on. On the surface though, it certainly sounds like a bad cultural fit. A macho, rough & tumble team that takes pride in toughness and physicality is not going to embrace a wallflower / whiner - no matter how skilled she might be.

              Another thing at play here could be outright bullying. Some kids use a tough team culture as an excuse to prey on weaker kids to improve their own standing (or just because they're horrible little witches). I had a bullying issue on a team I coached in another sport; it was a short leap from "we're a gritty team" to "Susie is a bit slower and less skilled so let's drive her from the team..."

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                A group of girls on a team play a style that is more physical than most girls teams, not dirty, but very aggressive (in games, trainings, and when fooling around together, between games/before after training sessions). There is a player that is considered "soft" on the team by the players/parents. The player constantly cries and does seem to have emotional issues, never sits with the team during breaks or between games, has very rare social interaction outside soccer with the team, and has been invited numerous times to join in outside group activities, but no change in the situation. She feels that when this group "hurts" her, they are doing it intentionally. That is not the case, but ok, that's how the player feels. The coach has not once advised us parents that we need to speak with our girls in regard to this "issue". This players parents are now calling out another player and their parents on the team, face to face in front of their children, saying that their child was intentionally hurt. Again, not the case at all. The player has other athletic interests, and misses a lot due to the other sports. That is not the case with the rest of the team, so that does cause a bit of a disconnect with her and the group. The player goes to the same school with some of these girls, so a soccer "breakup" would spill over at school is the other issue. I know there will be many troll responses here... Looking for suggestions on how you as a parent would handle this situation? This family has had the same issue with another one of their children (4 teams in 4 years). We like the family, but it seems most on the team are growing very tired of wearing "kid gloves" around this player.
                Put her in the middle of the pitch and run everything thru her.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                  Yes, age range is critical to what might be going on. On the surface though, it certainly sounds like a bad cultural fit. A macho, rough & tumble team that takes pride in toughness and physicality is not going to embrace a wallflower / whiner - no matter how skilled she might be.

                  Another thing at play here could be outright bullying. Some kids use a tough team culture as an excuse to prey on weaker kids to improve their own standing (or just because they're horrible little witches). I had a bullying issue on a team I coached in another sport; it was a short leap from "we're a gritty team" to "Susie is a bit slower and less skilled so let's drive her from the team..."
                  Okay Snowflake... Go Learn Knitting

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                    ^ this. Find a better fit.

                    I agree with you. However, it is not the choice of the team for the player to find another team. My question is, what do we as parents do/tell our players to do to avoid this situation that keeps happening or what can we as parents do to stop it?

                    Comment


                      #11
                      What's OK and not OK? You obviously come in with a bias.

                      It sounds like you pride yourself on your team being more "physical" but guess what, if 49 teams out of 50 in the league play without the damage your team is doing, you are the .... .

                      Let me guess, Scorpions. The worst at cheap shots, unnecessary contact, off the ball hits, etc.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        If little Susie can’t handle the physicality of soccer there’s always track.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                          Yes, age range is critical to what might be going on. On the surface though, it certainly sounds like a bad cultural fit. A macho, rough & tumble team that takes pride in toughness and physicality is not going to embrace a wallflower / whiner - no matter how skilled she might be.

                          Another thing at play here could be outright bullying. Some kids use a tough team culture as an excuse to prey on weaker kids to improve their own standing (or just because they're horrible little witches). I had a bullying issue on a team I coached in another sport; it was a short leap from "we're a gritty team" to "Susie is a bit slower and less skilled so let's drive her from the team..."

                          When the player is one on one (rarely) with another teammate, as stated, some go to school together and live in same town, there is no issue. It is when the team is together, and this player doesn't have that one v one attention of one person at a time, she clams up, and avoids the group. She is on the bottom half of the roster in all's opinion, but it is not a drastic drop off from the top of the roster to the bottom. There will always be some form of bullying when dealing with kids, to me, it is part of life as long as it does not go too far. I just don't feel that is the case here at all. Reason... The player associates, like I said one on one. She does mostly only with the player that her parents decided to call out this player and her parents. So if it is bullying, why does this player and the "accused" player associate with each other when they are one v one outside of soccer? Wouldn't the one possibly being bullied not want to associate with the bully at all if this is a case of bullying?

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                            What's OK and not OK? You obviously come in with a bias.

                            It sounds like you pride yourself on your team being more "physical" but guess what, if 49 teams out of 50 in the league play without the damage your team is doing, you are the .... .

                            Let me guess, Scorpions. The worst at cheap shots, unnecessary contact, off the ball hits, etc.


                            "What's OK and not OK? You obviously come in with a bias."

                            Not sure I grasp your point? What damage is the team doing? Soccer is a physical sport. The team is highly competitive and aggressive, not dirty. There is a difference. They are too skilled as a group for the need to be dirty. Dirty teams are usually the less skilled/slower teams, not the case with this group.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                              If little Susie can’t handle the physicality of soccer there’s always track.

                              Her other sport is dance. So I agree with you. It is not our decision to have the player move on somewhere else. So, what do we do to help prevent this from continually happening if she stays on the team?

                              Comment

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