Physical Play

[Unregistered]

Teach your kid to support a teammate that’s going through a difficult time.

You’ve said yourself that in a group setting this kid feels isolated and uncomfortable in some way. If “nothing” is happening, it seems odd that this would be the case. And even if you’re correct, telling your kid to be compassionate and encouraging them to go out of their way to help a struggling teammate seems to be a pretty obvious option.

You don’t give up being ultra competitive by being a good human being. Kids can do both.

All great points. But doesn't help with this situation. As was stated, there has been no other issues on this team. It does seem the girls have possibly been removing the kid gloves recently, I feel they are frustrated with the lack of commitment from the player, and the obvious difference of opinion in what the player accuses from time to time. Parents obviously have advised their kids to stay positive with the player, and continue to make her feel more wanted on the team. Not much response from the player for some time now. Frustrating when you discuss with your player, and her view is very different than what the player and parent are saying. Seems very petty the things the player is complaining about. Don't know what else to do. But just can't keep having kids apologize with no further backup that these petty things are happening.[/QUOTE]

You seem to just want our permission to not give crap. We get it, your kids are great and didn't "do anything" because "they said so".

[Unregistered]

Agree. But what do we do in the meantime, for say the next year or two, where some of the girls are being called out from time to time for "intentionally" hurting the player? The parents have not gone to the coach, ever, with these issues, probably out of fear the player would no longer make the team, as I'm sure coach is aware of the emotional disconnect this player has with the rest of the team. It has been more of a text situation between her parents, and the "culprits" parents. But now, fairly recently, there was a face to face, and her parents did it in front of the culprit and the culprits parents only, and their daughter? The culprit begged for forgiveness, and said the collision was an accident, as both players went down in the collision, and was not during training/practice/game, it was during fool around time during a tournament. The "hurt" player, screamed at the culprit, basically rejecting her apology in front of the 4 parents, and ran off. The "hurt" parents allowed this.


My question is, if she was so hurt to the point where her parents felt the need to make an issue, and then allow her to not accept the apology, why was she able to continue playing in the tournament? To bring it to that point, shouldn't the player not be able to continue if she was that hurt? Why not bring it to the coach? Seems like parents want her to fit in really bad, and so does the team, but emotionally for the player, does not seem like it can happen. Karen is creating a little Karen!!!

Done posting on this, thanks for all input.

After reading all these comments, I think that I would stop trying to placate or appease the "hurt" player and her protective (maybe even overprotective) parents. Enough already. It appears that you have collectively tried to work through the tantrums and accusations, so now you can simply say, "talk to the coach if you have a problem. I'm done discussing this subject." Yes, you will not be friends with the parents, and yes, your kid and the other player might never become great friends.

You sound like you've been decent and reasonable. That's all you owe them.

[Unregistered]

Wrong fit and kid should move on. There is a life lesson here. Just like a job, if you are not fitting in well and have tried you best to do so, then you should move on for everyone’s sake, but most importantly yours. You will not thrive in an environment where you are distracted by issues like this. This type of thing is what you hear about when certain pro players poison the locker room. It doesn’t have to be just about having a bad attitude, it could just be the lack of team or have a central shared goal. You only have so many years you can play soccer - don’t waste your time on a team that does fit you.

[Unregistered]

Wrong fit and kid should move on. There is a life lesson here. Just like a job, if you are not fitting in well and have tried you best to do so, then you should move on for everyone’s sake, but most importantly yours. You will not thrive in an environment where you are distracted by issues like this. This type of thing is what you hear about when certain pro players poison the locker room. It doesn’t have to be just about having a bad attitude, it could just be the lack of team or have a central shared goal. You only have so many years you can play soccer - don’t waste your time on a team that does fit you.

Agreed. Time to move on

[Unregistered]

Sometimes a player wants to fit in, just doesn't know how. So the player will exaggerate certain situations simply to be acknowledged in some way. Either way, showing weakness to your teammates, consistently, will not end well especially with u littles. Sounds like it's time for the player to move on and get a fresh start. Hopefully for the player it doesn't become a pattern similar to her sibling as was stated.

[Unregistered]

Forget just the personality issues, physical play etc but simply the commitment If a team is made up of pretty committed players who put soccer first, and another player doesn't? It's not going to go over well. These are younger players but the time commitment gets worse. As you get older and athletes in many sports, not just soccer, have to make choices. That doesn't mean they can't do more than one sport or activity, but more often it means one activity stays at very high level while the others are not high level/less competitive.

[Unregistered]

The whole thread is a waste of time. The OP does not care about the player she highlighted in a negative light. The player was selected by the coach to be on the team. It’s the coach’s decision on whether the player should stay or go. I don’t think you have helped the situation at all. In fact, you have probably made it worse. Like the other families on have never heard of Talking Soccer. Gee, I wonder who this is about. You gave enough details to embarrass this player and her family. Shame on you OP.

[Unregistered]

The whole thread is a waste of time. The OP does not care about the player she highlighted in a negative light. The player was selected by the coach to be on the team. It’s the coach’s decision on whether the player should stay or go. I don’t think you have helped the situation at all. In fact, you have probably made it worse. Like the other families on have never heard of Talking Soccer. Gee, I wonder who this is about. You gave enough details to embarrass this player and her family. Shame on you OP.

Agree. I called the parent out a few pages ago basically saying that the OP simply wants permission to not care.

From the OP:

"A group of girls on a team play a style that is more physical than most girls teams, not dirty, but very aggressive (in games, trainings, and when fooling around together, between games/before after training sessions). There is a player that is considered "soft" on the team by the players/parents."

The following line I find pretty telling: "very aggressive (in games, trainings, and when fooling around together,".

"very aggressive when fooling around with each other". I mean c'mon, they sound like a bunch of high energy chaotic snots. Why would this girl want to hang around with them.

I've seen kids like that and they are most likely ADHD and can be a chore to be around if you are more introverted. It may not come off as mean but it can come off as "of grow up". The kids with the actual emotional issues might just be the aggressive ones in this case.

[Unregistered]

Agree. I called the parent out a few pages ago basically saying that the OP simply wants permission to not care.

From the OP:

"A group of girls on a team play a style that is more physical than most girls teams, not dirty, but very aggressive (in games, trainings, and when fooling around together, between games/before after training sessions). There is a player that is considered "soft" on the team by the players/parents."

The following line I find pretty telling: "very aggressive (in games, trainings, and when fooling around together,".

"very aggressive when fooling around with each other". I mean c'mon, they sound like a bunch of high energy chaotic snots. Why would this girl want to hang around with them.

I've seen kids like that and they are most likely ADHD and can be a chore to be around if you are more introverted. It may not come off as mean but it can come off as "of grow up". The kids with the actual emotional issues might just be the aggressive ones in this case.

Not sure I would agree with this statement. Average roster 15 players, if 14 girls don't have any issues with each other, I find it hard to believe that 14 are the problem, and not the one. Now that doesn't mean the one has a "problem", but seems like this team is just not a good fit for the player, (and you also can't push aside the other issues the family is having with the other sibling(s) team(s)). Sorry OP, can't help with advice, other than, if the team really wants this player around, it sounds like you need to get used to her occasional breakdowns. I would certainly defend my child though, if my child is saying they did nothing wrong. Without any proof (another teammate confirming it), can you really take another child's side over your own child?

[Guest]

What's the normal rotation for a premier team rotation for U12G? Is it normal to keep 7 of the 9 players in for 60 minutes and leave 5 players on the bench for 30 min or more?

[Guest]

What's the normal rotation for a premier team rotation for U12G? Is it normal to keep 7 of the 9 players in for 60 minutes and leave 5 players on the bench for 30 min or more?

At that age everyone "should " be getting nearly equal time. They're 11 years old FFS. Sitting that much is inexcusable. The coach either only cares about wins, hes lazy or the roster is too big - or all three

[Guest]

At that age everyone "should " be getting nearly equal time. They're 11 years old FFS. Sitting that much is inexcusable. The coach either only cares about wins, hes lazy or the roster is too big - or all three

Thank you! At this stage it should be about player development and fostering a love for the game. That's what I think but I get mixed opinion on earning playing time, etc. While I don't think everyone should get exactly the same, a playing time disparity of 30 minutes seems too steep to me. You could easily do 50/40. We have a roster of 13.

[Guest]

What's the normal rotation for a premier team rotation for U12G? Is it normal to keep 7 of the 9 players in for 60 minutes and leave 5 players on the bench for 30 min or more?

Yes, it is not uncommon. The most competitive girls want to win and don't want to come off the field. They'll go to the team that wins, in the best league they can get into.

If your kid is on the bottom third of the roster, you should reasonably expect 1/3 to 1/2 playing time. If your kid is on the top 1/3 of roster, expect 2/3 plus playing time.

FWIW, practicing with the top team and getting 1/3 playing time is fat better than more playing time on a lower team. You can't easily replicate speed of the game. You can't advance certain skills if you're surrounded by lower skilled players.

If your kid isn't getting 1/3 playing time, talk to the coach about getting to that level. It isn't too much to ask.

Don't listen to those who pontificate on how it "should be*, or how it was in the "good old days". Useless.

[Guest]

Thank you! At this stage it should be about player development and fostering a love for the game. That's what I think but I get mixed opinion on earning playing time, etc. While I don't think everyone should get exactly the same, a playing time disparity of 30 minutes seems too steep to me. You could easily do 50/40. We have a roster of 13.

You have a roster of 13 and 5 are sitting on the bench??? Who’s playing 8v8 at U12?

[Guest]

Yes, it is not uncommon. The most competitive girls want to win and don't want to come off the field. They'll go to the team that wins, in the best league they can get into.

Where they will get less playing time.

You discuss that, but worth emphasizing.