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An Open Letter to My Dad, who Makes Me Want to Quit Sports

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    #31
    Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
    At issue is that too many kids are being forced to pick and chose at younger and younger ages. They're not being granted to time to see what sticks in the long term as they get older and mature. And parents are buying into the club marketing pitch that you have to be on an"elite path" or their kids "will never make it".
    Specialization has simply forced competition to a higher level early.

    In the old days, kids could dominate in their little fish bowl and be deceived at how good they were. Now, it becomes obvious earlier who can cut it and who can't.

    The days of multiple sport athletes is coming to an end. You simply cannot be a serious athlete in multiple sports anymore. Too many out of season conflicts and commitments.

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      #32
      Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
      At issue is that too many kids are being forced to pick and chose at younger and younger ages. They're not being granted to time to see what sticks in the long term as they get older and mature. And parents are buying into the club marketing pitch that you have to be on an"elite path" or their kids "will never make it".
      The reason parents are buying into it, is because it's true for soccer. If a kid doesn't choose to focus on soccer at an early age in today's world, he/she is simply not going to become an elite player, because there are so many kids out there who are spending hours a day honing their skills. It would be impossible to catch up if you're splitting your time between one, two, or three other sports (unless a kid is some type of rare prodigy) to see what sticks. I'm not saying it's fair, but the kids who find a passion early on and commit to it are going to have a huge advantage in soccer. And please don't give me tons of examples of pro soccer players who played five sports growing up and didn't focus on soccer until college. We all know that the kids of today are growing up in a much different sporting world even than the kids of five years ago.

      That said, it is sad that some kids are being forced by their parents to choose when they aren't ready. If a kid doesn't have the commitment and drive to focus on a single sport early on, please just let them play whichever sports they want and put in as much time as they want with it. Accept that they won't become an elite soccer player, but can still enjoy the sport at whatever level the reach. They can always become elite at plenty of other sports that don't require such early specialization.

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        #33
        Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
        Specialization has simply forced competition to a higher level early.

        In the old days, kids could dominate in their little fish bowl and be deceived at how good they were. Now, it becomes obvious earlier who can cut it and who can't.

        The days of multiple sport athletes is coming to an end. You simply cannot be a serious athlete in multiple sports anymore. Too many out of season conflicts and commitments.
        I posted the reply above this. I agree..with a "however" (there's always a however...). Depends on what you mean by "serious". My niece played three sports all through youth sports. Fortunately, she was very good in all three, so all three made concessions. Not fair to all, but that's the environment she was in.

        She got into a very good private school, and started for all three as a freshman. School offered her a TON of money for her to come. If you think about it...they were able to fill three roster spots with one person. She will play two in college.

        She's not D1 caliber, so that's where the leeway about "serious" comes in.

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          #34
          Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
          I posted the reply above this. I agree..with a "however" (there's always a however...). Depends on what you mean by "serious". My niece played three sports all through youth sports. Fortunately, she was very good in all three, so all three made concessions. Not fair to all, but that's the environment she was in.

          She got into a very good private school, and started for all three as a freshman. School offered her a TON of money for her to come. If you think about it...they were able to fill three roster spots with one person. She will play two in college.

          She's not D1 caliber, so that's where the leeway about "serious" comes in.
          I would consider that fairly serious. One of the huge benefits of D3 is allowing those talented and driven enough, to play 2 sports in college. Even in the D3 world, stories like your niece will be become rarer in today's world. Already starting to see it in growing/emerging sports like lacrosse. More specialization, more off season tournaments, camps, clinics, leagues. Already a reality in hoops, hockey, basketball and football (especially down south).

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            #35
            Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
            At issue is that too many kids are being forced to pick and chose at younger and younger ages. They're not being granted to time to see what sticks in the long term as they get older and mature. And parents are buying into the club marketing pitch that you have to be on an"elite path" or their kids "will never make it".
            Who exactly is forcing the kids? The only ones that ultimately benefit from what you want are the clubs who keep on cashing the parents checks while the kid figures out that soccer is not their cup of tea. The thing you apparently believe is that clubs are cutting kids who desperately want to play soccer. That couldn't be further from the truth these days because there are almost too many teams for them to go to.

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              #36
              Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
              Who exactly is forcing the kids? The only ones that ultimately benefit from what you want are the clubs who keep on cashing the parents checks while the kid figures out that soccer is not their cup of tea. The thing you apparently believe is that clubs are cutting kids who desperately want to play soccer. That couldn't be further from the truth these days because there are almost too many teams for them to go to.
              Thanks for stopping by again.

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                #37
                Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                Who exactly is forcing the kids? The only ones that ultimately benefit from what you want are the clubs who keep on cashing the parents checks while the kid figures out that soccer is not their cup of tea. The thing you apparently believe is that clubs are cutting kids who desperately want to play soccer. That couldn't be further from the truth these days because there are almost too many teams for them to go to.
                That message went right over your empty head

                Comment


                  #38
                  Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                  That message went right over your empty head
                  Please don't talk to the son of a Hall of Famer like that.

                  Comment


                    #39
                    Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                    Please don't talk to the son of a Hall of Famer like that.
                    Sorry. I forgot. He knows everything and knows what is best for everyone's kids. He should be made a soccer saint, or at a minimum a knight

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                      #40
                      Lol. So the pinhead rec coach has his panties in a bunch because people aren't ******* themselves over what he sees as the brilliance of his thinking so now we are going to down the btdt rabbit hole yet again. It's sad how sick and tortured the pinhead is.

                      Comment


                        #41
                        Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                        Lol. So the pinhead rec coach has his panties in a bunch because people aren't ******* themselves over what he sees as the brilliance of his thinking so now we are going to down the btdt rabbit hole yet again. It's sad how sick and tortured the pinhead is.
                        Thanks, BTNT. The deceit continues. But so glad you remain so passionate about youth soccer.

                        Comment


                          #42
                          Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                          http://changingthegameproject.com/op...-stop-yelling/

                          Dear Dad,

                          I was afraid to say this to your face after the game today, but I was thinking that maybe you could stop coming to my games for a while. It doesn’t seem that fun for you anyway, and I know it’s not fun for me when you are there. I used to love when you watched my play when I was younger, but now, I wish you weren’t there. I think I am starting to hate playing soccer. I might quit. I bet you are wondering why.

                          I heard you in the stands today during my soccer game. I was going to say I heard you cheering, but that wasn’t really what you were doing. You were coaching. You were yelling about the other team, the other coaches, and at the officials. I also heard you yelling at me every time I got the ball.

                          I believe you think you are helping, but you are not. You are confusing me.

                          It’s confusing when you coach me from the sideline. When I play soccer, I feel like I have to make so many decisions at a time. Should I dribble or pass? Should I cross or shoot? Should I step up or stay back? Where are my teammates? Where are the defenders? I am trying to figure all these things out while out of breath, and fighting off defenders. With all this going on, you want me to listen to you, too? It seems no matter what I do, whether good or bad, you continue to yell at me. It is impossible to listen to you and play the game at the same time.

                          It is confusing when you and the coach shout instructions at the same time. I can’t listen to both of you. Many times the things you say contradict what the coach teaches me at practice. My coach is trying to get me to pass it out of the back, but you keep yelling at me to kick it long. My coach encourages me to dribble past players, but you tell me to get rid of it when I try to dribble. My coach tells me to pass the ball to feet, but you tell me to kick it over the top and our forwards will chase it down. I either get yelled at by my coach, or by you. To make matters worse, sometimes the other parents join in and yell, too! I am so stressed out there. It’s not a very good feeling.

                          It’s confusing to me when you yell at the officials, especially since you teach me to respect teachers, coaches and my elders. Dad, some of these referees are kids that go to my school. I see them at lunch and in the halls and I am so embarrassed. Would you yell at me like that if I was a new referee? Even when the officials are right, and you are standing 50 yards away, you yell at them. I wish you would just let the game play out and let me and my coach handle what is going on.

                          It’s confusing when you are still upset about the loss hours after a game. How long is it appropriate to be sad and angry? I mean, I am the one who played, right? We are supposed to win some and lose some if we play good teams, right? We got beat, but now we have to move on and get ready for the next game. I am not sure how staying angry will help me get better for the next game. I certainly don’t feel like learning much immediately after a loss. The best thing you can do after a game is tell me you are proud of me for competing, and showing good sportsmanship, and that you love to watch me play. What are we going to eat is helpful too. But that’s all. I can get better next practice.

                          It’s confusing when you talk badly about my coach in front of me. You tell me to respect my coach and listen to what he says, but then I hear you and other parents say he doesn’t know what he is doing. My friends say that their dads tell them not to listen to the coach, and they don’t know who to listen to anymore. No wonder our coach gets so frustrated with us.

                          baseball kid tunes parents outIt’s confusing when you talk badly about my teammates in front of me. I know some of my teammates aren’t as fast, or as strong, or don’t kick as well, but they are my friends, Dad. In school, they teach me that I should treat everyone with respect, but then you disrespect my teammates right in front of me. I wish you would try to see the good in my friends instead of pointing out their faults.

                          It’s confusing when you yell and scream at mistakes and act like playing soccer is an easy thing to do. I am not sure if you remember what it was like to be a player. Do you remember what it was like to be going through a growth spurt, and feeling awkward when you try to run and jump (never mind the sore knees)? Do you remember how hard it was to learn to trap or pass a soccer ball, or for that matter hit a baseball, or catch a fly ball? Sometimes you try your very best, and still get it wrong. It doesn’t help or make me feel any better about my mistake when you yell at me for it, or tell me to “get my head in the game.” What does that mean, anyway? You yell things and most of the time I have no idea what you are talking about.

                          Dad, I don’t want to tell you how to parent or anything, but sometimes I feel like your love is conditional upon how the game goes.

                          When we win, everything is great, but whenever we lose, or I have a bad game, it seems like you hate me. I wish I was riding home with someone else, and not you. I think it’s because you keep talking about the game when I don’t want to. You go over every mistake. Even when we win, all I hear about is what went wrong. If you talked about the game at dinner, or the next morning, it would be fine, but please, not on the car ride home.

                          I certainly appreciate all the time and money you spend to let me play. But sometimes it feels like we are out there playing just to entertain the adults. We just want to play. And we want you to watch if you can do so without yelling at the refs, screaming at other parents, and coaching from the stands.

                          Could you do that for me dad? Could you just come, watch the game quietly, and then not talk about it on the ride home? If you can, I would love for you to come.

                          But if you can’t, I would prefer if you just dropped me off and let me play.

                          Dad, I love sports, I love my team, and I love my teammates. I want to play with these guys forever, but not if it makes you hate me and angry at me all the time. Not if it makes me feel worse about myself.

                          Please let me know what you decide. I love you.

                          Your son,

                          Bobby, #10
                          Don't worry Bobby when you get to high school they will let you play on the Field Hockey team.

                          Comment


                            #43
                            Right next to pinhead's son no doubt.

                            Comment


                              #44
                              Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                              Lol. So the pinhead rec coach has his panties in a bunch because people aren't ******* themselves over what he sees as the brilliance of his thinking so now we are going to down the btdt rabbit hole yet again. It's sad how sick and tortured the pinhead is.
                              Really simple. If your kid want to play competitively and enjoys it. Go for it.

                              If not, don't. Why people waste their energy trying to convert people is beyond me.

                              I had 3 kids, and 3 different experiences and outcomes, which were driven by their own passion and desire. People are different, let's not continually paint all situations as the same.

                              Rec coaches who paint "club" as unnecessary and expensive are no better than Clubs who claim playing is pointless unless you are vying for the top. There is a flavor for everyone.

                              Comment


                                #45
                                Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                                Really simple. If your kid want to play competitively and enjoys it. Go for it.

                                If not, don't. Why people waste their energy trying to convert people is beyond me.

                                I had 3 kids, and 3 different experiences and outcomes, which were driven by their own passion and desire. People are different, let's not continually paint all situations as the same.

                                Rec coaches who paint "club" as unnecessary and expensive are no better than Clubs who claim playing is pointless unless you are vying for the top. There is a flavor for everyone.
                                You seem to be saying be happy with what you chose, and while I actually believe in that sentiment, I think that you are going to find that there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of objectivity in club soccer these days that would allow you to differentiate the experiences your children were going to have like you apparently were able to do. In fact if your kids were active today there is a real good chance that they wouldn't have 3 different experiences at all, just one with 3 different outcomes. What people are really getting at isn't as about ******* on one level or another but rather correctly trying to label their choices so that they line up with their personal objectives like you apparently did.

                                Think about what the poster who started this thread was getting at, when you think through what he was saying by lamenting a kid quitting because his dad is nuts what you realize is he thinks that kids are routinely getting denied an opportunity to play soccer. That is really a pro "rec" mindset that is actually pushing for increased soccer participation. Now if you have spent any time on the sidelines in club soccer over the past several years you know the exact opposite is true. We now have bigger clubs with multiple teams in every age group. Suffice to say that if you have a kid who wants to play soccer these days, there is a place for them to do it. In most people's minds, the OP really already got what he wanted yet here he is still pushing for more.

                                Now what that poster doesn't seem to recognize is that there has been some real consequences for all the expansion club soccer has experienced over the past decade. One big one is all the lines have been blurred so there are no real (as opposed to hyped) distinctions between levels and effectively everything has become real watered down. Go read some of the GPS bashing that is going on if you doubt it. Someone is real pissed off today that they can't tell the difference between their A and C teams. The truth is they are correct. We do have a lot of clubs selling "elite" when the reality is what they are actually providing is just dressed up "rec" with and "elite" price tag.

                                Now put yourself in the shoes of a parent today. Parents like the OP have now flooded club soccer and want their kids to be right there right beside the best and most ambitious players even though they don't personally share their ambitions nor are looking for the same outcomes. Think about it this way, how would you feel if you realized that you were paying the same amount for all three of your kids knowing that you have different expectations. Then think about how you would feel if you could literally see that your most gifted and ambitious child was being trained along side kids who really have no ambitions at all. Believe or not that is what is going on right now. Don't you think you would have something to say about it?

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