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The end of the "soccer mom"....

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    Prayer of the day: May all soccer mommies find enough Juiceboxes for their little snowflakes! Amen.

    Comment


      As you all know, I have very conflicted feelings about soccer moms. On the one hand, I truly admire that they have sold their bodies and souls to the highest bidder. This is fundamentally sound business and I always appreciate sound business.

      Sure, some of the guys they have to lie under night after night look like Ed Asner, but so what? They have a nice home, 2.3 children, “help” around the house, and no damned job. What’s not to love?

      Here’s what is not to love. During the daytime hours, when they are not under their fat, bald husbands, they are everywhere! I had today off so I went to run a few errands. I spent the entire day surrounded by soccer moms. They are all in SUV’s or vans and generally have blond hair, big boobs, and some sort of orange-ish, brownish color to them.

      But TL, you say, this sounds like a good problem, no? Eye candy for you to feast your eyes on all day. What’s the problem? Here’s is the problem. When you are around them, as much as you might try to avoid it, you will hear them speak. This is when my Stepford world comes crashing down around me.

      Don’t get me wrong…I like dumb people. I am one of them. But this is a special kind of stupid. Almost like a chemically induced stupid. It could be their meds or it could be the peroxide seeping into their brains, I just don’t know. It just drives me crazy.

      For instance, pulling up to the drive through and literally having no clue what you are going to have to eat. Then, 5 minutes later, you hear them ask, “What kind of fish is the Filet-O-Fish made of? Does it have a lot of carbs?” I strangle the steering wheel as it takes every ounce of self control not to get out of my car and pummel them right then.

      But it doesn’t stop there. In any line I am in, they are chock full of stupid questions. “Is the higher or lower the SPF better?” (That’s not even a real question!) “Is there a lot of pulp in this orange juice?” she asks holding the “pulp-free” carton of OJ.

      I am so conflicted. How can something so pretty to look at be so painful to listen to? Maybe ugly people ask the same dumb questions but, since they are ugly, I am not paying any attention to them in the first place. I suppose I could wear my IPod around all day and just fantasize that they are asking really relevant questions.

      Or, maybe pretty stupid people should be forced to walk around with duct tape over their mouth. This would prevent them from ever again saying, “That’s a mute point”. Of course, those beautiful Sarah Palin lips would not be on display and that would bum me out.

      Pretty soccer moms of the world, please do me a favor. When you see me coming, stop talking and just look beautiful. Let me have a nice quiet party in my pants for a few shining moments. Once I am gone, ask away about healthcare reform, taxes, schools, and any other subject you are woefully ill informed about.

      Wow, it feels good to have my misogynist side in full force today.

      Comment


        Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
        http://static1.squarespace.com/stati...pg?format=500w


        Hi, I'm Lenny the troll. Soccer moms make me angry. My wife left me and took my house and half my retirement. I eventually lost my job because I followed my wife around to get photos of her living with her boss! Even when the judge won't listen and forced me to pay support. Total BS. So now I live with mother and take my anger out on soccer moms here. I will never forgive them. Living with mom is hard. Her house, her rules.
        YIKes. Sorry to hear that Lenny. Tough life. Living with your mother must be really hard when she's drinking. Keep your chin up.

        Comment


          Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
          As you all know, I have very conflicted feelings about soccer moms. On the one hand, I truly admire that they have sold their bodies and souls to the highest bidder. This is fundamentally sound business and I always appreciate sound business.

          Sure, some of the guys they have to lie under night after night look like Ed Asner, but so what? They have a nice home, 2.3 children, “help” around the house, and no damned job. What’s not to love?

          Here’s what is not to love. During the daytime hours, when they are not under their fat, bald husbands, they are everywhere! I had today off so I went to run a few errands. I spent the entire day surrounded by soccer moms. They are all in SUV’s or vans and generally have blond hair, big boobs, and some sort of orange-ish, brownish color to them.

          But TL, you say, this sounds like a good problem, no? Eye candy for you to feast your eyes on all day. What’s the problem? Here’s is the problem. When you are around them, as much as you might try to avoid it, you will hear them speak. This is when my Stepford world comes crashing down around me.

          Don’t get me wrong…I like dumb people. I am one of them. But this is a special kind of stupid. Almost like a chemically induced stupid. It could be their meds or it could be the peroxide seeping into their brains, I just don’t know. It just drives me crazy.

          For instance, pulling up to the drive through and literally having no clue what you are going to have to eat. Then, 5 minutes later, you hear them ask, “What kind of fish is the Filet-O-Fish made of? Does it have a lot of carbs?” I strangle the steering wheel as it takes every ounce of self control not to get out of my car and pummel them right then.

          But it doesn’t stop there. In any line I am in, they are chock full of stupid questions. “Is the higher or lower the SPF better?” (That’s not even a real question!) “Is there a lot of pulp in this orange juice?” she asks holding the “pulp-free” carton of OJ.

          I am so conflicted. How can something so pretty to look at be so painful to listen to? Maybe ugly people ask the same dumb questions but, since they are ugly, I am not paying any attention to them in the first place. I suppose I could wear my IPod around all day and just fantasize that they are asking really relevant questions.

          Or, maybe pretty stupid people should be forced to walk around with duct tape over their mouth. This would prevent them from ever again saying, “That’s a mute point”. Of course, those beautiful Sarah Palin lips would not be on display and that would bum me out.

          Pretty soccer moms of the world, please do me a favor. When you see me coming, stop talking and just look beautiful. Let me have a nice quiet party in my pants for a few shining moments. Once I am gone, ask away about healthcare reform, taxes, schools, and any other subject you are woefully ill informed about.

          Wow, it feels good to have my misogynist side in full force today.
          Hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha

          Comment


            Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
            http://static1.squarespace.com/stati...pg?format=500w


            Hi, I'm Lenny the troll. Soccer moms make me angry. My wife left me and took my house and half my retirement. I eventually lost my job because I followed my wife around to get photos of her living with her boss! Even when the judge won't listen and forced me to pay support. Total BS. So now I live with mother and take my anger out on soccer moms here. I will never forgive them. Living with mom is hard. Her house, her rules.
            Lenny you will be ok. At least your mom lets you live with her.

            Comment


              Oh soccer mommy your tired meme is very much like your tired body..sagging, wilted, and lost of its luster and appeal.

              Comment


                Usa usa usa trump trump trump yay yay yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                Comment


                  Soccer mommy's have produced the garbage USMNT team. Great work. Your years of juice boxes and helicopter parenting have finally paid off. By all means, keep on being overly involved and patently sure of your unneeded intervention in youth soccer.....it's working!!!!

                  Comment


                    Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                    Soccer mommy's have produced the garbage USMNT team. Great work. Your years of juice boxes and helicopter parenting have finally paid off. By all means, keep on being overly involved and patently sure of your unneeded intervention in youth soccer.....it's working!!!!
                    Lenny is up early today

                    Comment


                      He sure is. Early and accurate. ;)

                      Comment


                        Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                        He sure is. Early and accurate. ;)
                        A true pot bellied creep. Keep Lenny away from the fields. His ankle bracelet is removable due to his Gollum like slimyness.

                        Comment


                          Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                          A true pot bellied creep. Keep Lenny away from the fields. His ankle bracelet is removable due to his Gollum like slimyness.
                          Awwwww did a widdle poster, with a differing opinion get you all triggered? Maybe you should jump back into the freezer before little snowflake, special, pretty and unique, melts. Wouldn't want to challenge your ideas would we. Cuz your ALWAYS right. Go for you! You go girl !

                          Comment


                            Huh?

                            Not sure which soccer mom you're talking about? Maybe in a U5 situation...but by the time you're leaning on the U11 fence the milk has gone bad. 👎

                            Comment


                              Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                              http://static1.squarespace.com/stati...pg?format=500w


                              Hi, I'm Lenny the troll. Soccer moms make me angry. My wife left me and took my house and half my retirement. I eventually lost my job because I followed my wife around to get photos of her living with her boss! Even when the judge won't listen and forced me to pay support. Total BS. So now I live with mother and take my anger out on soccer moms here. I will never forgive them. Living with mom is hard. Her house, her rules.
                              Lenny triggered.

                              Comment


                                Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                                Lenny triggered.
                                Silly snowflakes. Go hug your Hillary doll.

                                Comment

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