TIME TO STOP the predator coaches in girls soccer

[Unregistered]

You have to be vigilant, parents, players, officials. Watch for “grooming” behaviors. Usually a coach will confide or share personal information. They bring the child in slowly. Might talk about their own relationship with a boyfriend/girlfriend. Then may ask about their relationship. If the predator can navigate these conversations effectively it will lead to private meets away from field or school. We know how the story ends. It’s only a matter of time before a local HS coach or club coach gets exposed again. People are more forthcoming and our culture is more accepting of the victim’s stories.

[Unregistered]

You have to be vigilant, parents, players, officials. Watch for “grooming” behaviors. Usually a coach will confide or share personal information. They bring the child in slowly. Might talk about their own relationship with a boyfriend/girlfriend. Then may ask about their relationship. If the predator can navigate these conversations effectively it will lead to private meets away from field or school. We know how the story ends. It’s only a matter of time before a local HS coach or club coach gets exposed again. People are more forthcoming and our culture is more accepting of the victim’s stories.

Good advice. And even simpler: never let your kid (18 yo or young) be alone with an unrelated adult in a private place. And let your kid know that if some adult wants to get them alone in a private place it's a bad farking idea. Even if nothing bad is going down, the ADULT shouldn't want to run the risk of it being misinterpreted. Just don't. Removing the opportunity for something to go down (or for there to be an accusation that something went down) solves 99% of the problem.

[Unregistered]

You have to be vigilant, parents, players, officials. Watch for “grooming” behaviors. Usually a coach will confide or share personal information. They bring the child in slowly. Might talk about their own relationship with a boyfriend/girlfriend. Then may ask about their relationship. If the predator can navigate these conversations effectively it will lead to private meets away from field or school. We know how the story ends. It’s only a matter of time before a local HS coach or club coach gets exposed again. People are more forthcoming and our culture is more accepting of the victim’s stories.

Exactly. If you want to see how it is done just read the weekly stories about the female teachers sexually molesting our young boys. Too bad you mainly have to go to alternate news sources as the liberal run media refuses to run any stories on a national basis that doesn't portray white toxic masculinity as the cause.

[Unregistered]

You have to be vigilant, parents, players, officials. Watch for “grooming” behaviors. Usually a coach will confide or share personal information. They bring the child in slowly. Might talk about their own relationship with a boyfriend/girlfriend. Then may ask about their relationship. If the predator can navigate these conversations effectively it will lead to private meets away from field or school. We know how the story ends. It’s only a matter of time before a local HS coach or club coach gets exposed again. People are more forthcoming and our culture is more accepting of the victim’s stories.

You seem to have the specific strategies down pat.

[Unregistered]

Good advice. And even simpler: never let your kid (18 yo or young) be alone with an unrelated adult in a private place. And let your kid know that if some adult wants to get them alone in a private place it's a bad farking idea. Even if nothing bad is going down, the ADULT shouldn't want to run the risk of it being misinterpreted. Just don't. Removing the opportunity for something to go down (or for there to be an accusation that something went down) solves 99% of the problem.

What if your 16 or 17 year old that drives babysits? Same advice?

[Unregistered]

You have to be vigilant, parents, players, officials. Watch for “grooming” behaviors. Usually a coach will confide or share personal information. They bring the child in slowly. Might talk about their own relationship with a boyfriend/girlfriend. Then may ask about their relationship. If the predator can navigate these conversations effectively it will lead to private meets away from field or school. We know how the story ends. It’s only a matter of time before a local HS coach or club coach gets exposed again. People are more forthcoming and our culture is more accepting of the victim’s stories.

Something I have seen in the many years of watching club soccer practice, games, traveling to tournaments and just witnessing years of player and coach interaction, was girls (players) vying for the attention of the coach. Often the objectives were very different. I have two daughters that have played, or are playing soccer, a combined 20-year period of time, and I’ve personally witnessed, and heard directly from my daughters, of players flirting, and attempting to win the attention of a coach in a romantic fashion. I have also heard mothers of the girls on the teams think it was cute that their daughters had a crush on their young soccer coach. The mothers didn’t squash these situations, in my opinion they helped to perpetuate the situation. They thought it was funny and innocent, but in my opinion, it wasn’t. This was not on one team, I have seen this happen on a number of teams. Again, I have been with my girls since U7, but those girls are old enough to know better, we are U18, and that flirting continues today, and it isn’t even the same coach, it has been various coaches over the years and with both of my daughters teams! This is an issue that seems to be prevalent within girls sports, and something I have had discussions about with other parents. Our club coaches are decent guys, and from everything I know nothing ever occurred, those coaches seem to use good judgment. My older daughter told us stories about them torturing one of the male assistant coaches they thought was a “hottie”. Most of the girls flirted and teased him, and were absolutely inappropriate with him to the point that the head coach took notice, and lightly told the team to knock it off. That young male coach never did anything as far as we know. But he was put in a challenging situation with women, these women knew what they were doing. I don't think he would have been a predator if he acted on the invitations. Fired yes, but predator, no.

My point, the environment for male coaches working with female players seems to be a challenging one in many ways, with the sexual component being the greatest. A coach needs to make good decisions, and a college coach that fails to make the correct choice isn’t necessarily a predator, but simply has failed the test of working with female players. For a club coach, its the same, however if the club coach acts on it, should go to jail. From my observation over many years, the availability and opportunity to have sexual relationships with the players is always an option, and no doubt giving into that temptation should end your ability to coach female players or any players for that matter. In the Yale situation, I don't see him being a predator, he just was a moron!

[Unregistered]

Something I have seen in the many years of watching club soccer practice, games, traveling to tournaments and just witnessing years of player and coach interaction, was girls (players) vying for the attention of the coach. Often the objectives were very different. I have two daughters that have played, or are playing soccer, a combined 20-year period of time, and I’ve personally witnessed, and heard directly from my daughters, of players flirting, and attempting to win the attention of a coach in a romantic fashion. I have also heard mothers of the girls on the teams think it was cute that their daughters had a crush on their young soccer coach. The mothers didn’t squash these situations, in my opinion they helped to perpetuate the situation. They thought it was funny and innocent, but in my opinion, it wasn’t. This was not on one team, I have seen this happen on a number of teams. Again, I have been with my girls since U7, but those girls are old enough to know better, we are U18, and that flirting continues today, and it isn’t even the same coach, it has been various coaches over the years and with both of my daughters teams! This is an issue that seems to be prevalent within girls sports, and something I have had discussions about with other parents. Our club coaches are decent guys, and from everything I know nothing ever occurred, those coaches seem to use good judgment. My older daughter told us stories about them torturing one of the male assistant coaches they thought was a “hottie”. Most of the girls flirted and teased him, and were absolutely inappropriate with him to the point that the head coach took notice, and lightly told the team to knock it off. That young male coach never did anything as far as we know. But he was put in a challenging situation with women, these women knew what they were doing. I don't think he would have been a predator if he acted on the invitations. Fired yes, but predator, no.

My point, the environment for male coaches working with female players seems to be a challenging one in many ways, with the sexual component being the greatest. A coach needs to make good decisions, and a college coach that fails to make the correct choice isn’t necessarily a predator, but simply has failed the test of working with female players. For a club coach, its the same, however if the club coach acts on it, should go to jail. From my observation over many years, the availability and opportunity to have sexual relationships with the players is always an option, and no doubt giving into that temptation should end your ability to coach female players or any players for that matter. In the Yale situation, I don't see him being a predator, he just was a moron!

Great post and great points. Why should a club coach go to jail though if the player is an adult ?

[Unregistered]

Great post and great points. Why should a club coach go to jail though if the player is an adult ?

They shouldn't. At most it's a fireable offense by your employer. There are no laws against it, just really bad judgement. But it also doesn't mean society or future employers will give you a pass. Actions have consequences

[Unregistered]

good thoughts. However can we keep one thing in mind? The vast, vast majority of people out there are good people. Yes be aware and cautious, but don't live in fear either.

[Unregistered]

Great post and great points. Why should a club coach go to jail though if the player is an adult ?

Not my post but it seems they were stating a club coach that is with a child player should go to jail.

[Unregistered]

Good advice. And even simpler: never let your kid (18 yo or young) be alone with an unrelated adult in a private place. And let your kid know that if some adult wants to get them alone in a private place it's a bad farking idea. Even if nothing bad is going down, the ADULT shouldn't want to run the risk of it being misinterpreted. Just don't. Removing the opportunity for something to go down (or for there to be an accusation that something went down) solves 99% of the problem.

First--an adult coach should never be alone in a car, locker room, hotel room, etc. with a player under the age of 18. Most organizations prohibit this and if they don't, no adult coach should not put themselves in that situation.

My daughter's club put a club-wide electronic communication policy in place this year. Players are not allowed to "follow" the personal social media accounts of coaches (or other adult staff) at the club on twitter, instagram, facebook, snapchat, etc. (Players can follow the club's official social media channels). Coaches/staff are not allowed to follow social media accounts of players and when the policy was announced, coaches had to actively block or unfollow players that they may have been connected to previously. Players under 18 and coaches/adult staff are not allowed to communicate via text, email, instant messaging, etc., unless the player's parent/guardian or another adult staff member is copied. If players reach out to a coach directly, the coach will copy the parent or another staff member before responding.

I believe that this initiative is something that is legislated through SafeSport, so I would think that most youth sports organizations should be following these guidelines.... Social media platforms and text/snapchat are breeding grounds for inappropriate communication...

This certainly doesn't solve the issue of college players that are over 18, however, it guards against this happening with HS aged players.

[Unregistered]

Good posts ^ Just about any university or company in this day and age will have policies in place for workplace relationships. If the y don't or don't communicate them frequently, they are setting themselves up for trouble. A coach wields enormous power over their athletes - playing time, scholarship decisions, even keeping your spot.
Even when they are consenting adults these relationships should never take place. Either keep it in your pants and wait until they've graduated, or get a different job.

[Unregistered]

https://yaledailynews.com/blog/2019/...of-misconduct/


This is outrageous and disgusting. There is a huge power dynamic between a coach and his female players that does not allow for a normal relationship and completely violates the trust between the coach, player, her parents and school that should be present and is expected.

It is time for EVERY school (high school or college) and EVERY private club soccer association to do further and much more extensive background checks on their coaches. These young girls must be protected and not be surrounded by coaches that they trust that will prey on them.

And it is time for players and parents to come forward with information on these predators before it goes any further and any more damage is done to other girls lives.

The fact that Yale didn't turn up this pattern of disturbing incidents BEFORE he was hired is astounding. Especially after the incidents with their previous coach.


These girls deserve better. And have a right to feel safe.

Damn, I never took a bribe and all I banged was a couple of beers back and yale wouldn’t give me the job

Tp

[Unregistered]

https://yaledailynews.com/blog/2019/...of-misconduct/


This is outrageous and disgusting. There is a huge power dynamic between a coach and his female players that does not allow for a normal relationship and completely violates the trust between the coach, player, her parents and school that should be present and is expected.

It is time for EVERY school (high school or college) and EVERY private club soccer association to do further and much more extensive background checks on their coaches. These young girls must be protected and not be surrounded by coaches that they trust that will prey on them.

And it is time for players and parents to come forward with information on these predators before it goes any further and any more damage is done to other girls lives.

The fact that Yale didn't turn up this pattern of disturbing incidents BEFORE he was hired is astounding. Especially after the incidents with their previous coach.


These girls deserve better. And have a right to feel safe.

Don’t rush to judgement. Word on the street is that at least one of the girls in question was misquoted and one might have lied. The “reporter”, a student, appeared to be irresponsible at worst, careless at best. This one isn’t done yet by a long shot is what I’m hearing. If true, the reporter/student will be kicked out of school, the faculty advisor fired and the Yale in hot water.

Any way you slice it, it’s a mess.

[Unregistered]

Don’t rush to judgement. Word on the street is that at least one of the girls in question was misquoted and one might have lied. The “reporter”, a student, appeared to be irresponsible at worst, careless at best. This one isn’t done yet by a long shot is what I’m hearing. If true, the reporter/student will be kicked out of school, the faculty advisor fired and the Yale in hot water.

Any way you slice it, it’s a mess.

What street do you live on?