Evolution of a soccer parent

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This is hilarious. What happens next? What happens when Paige has kids?
Does the cycle repeat itself?

She gets $150K to keep quiet about extramarital affairs with political candidates.

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Are you really that obtuse that you didn't know what the OP meant?

Are you calling my obtuse? One month in the hole! (veiled Shawshank Redemption reference)

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OMG Paige is 16 and only mediocre schools are interested in her. I need to pay for a lot of private training NOW.
OMG Paige is 17 and I can not pay for college ID clinics fast enough. Why are there only 2 days in a weekend!? I need to pay for more prospect clinics.
OMG Paige is 18 and I cant believe we have paid for soccer for her for 10 years with tons of clinics and private training and she is going to Dean College to play soccer.
OMG Paige is 19 and she still doesn't play much at Dean. Another set of coaches that can not see how goods she is. What is wrong with everyone!?
OMG Paige is 20 and Paige quit soccer and hates her college!
OMG Paige is 20.5 and is transferring to UMASS Boston and living at home again.

This is hysterical!

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Orrrr....a parent can just be level-headed and let Paige do what she wants to do. This parent doesn't push Paige to continue on with something she really doesn't like and just lets her figure out things for herself. Believe it or not, there are a few of those parents in existence. Unfortunately they're aren't enough of them.

You sound crazy

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You sound crazy

You guys wanna see some crazy stuff browse through the Florida threads... those turds are living up to their reputation

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I wonder if Paige would like to try soccer
I wonder if Paige is good enough to make the town’s A team
I wonder if we should explore club soccer with Paige
I wonder if we ought to give the DA a shot
I wonder if Paige is good enough to start for high school varsity
I wonder if Paige is is good enough to play in college
I wonder if Paige’s college team is good enough to make it to the NCAA tournament this year
I wonder what I’m going do with all my time and money now

The real crime of this OP is that this was so unoriginal and boring. It could have been witty, or insightful, tugged at the heartstrings, made the rest of us wistful... but in the end it was a poor effort, with a fair amount of humble brag embedded just for kicks.

-1

Natalie Nutmeg
+10

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Natalie Nutmug does the USMNT

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You sound crazy

I am crazy. I'm a ****ing crazy lunatic. I'm a stalker and I always get revenge on ****s like you

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I am crazy. I'm a ****ing crazy lunatic. I'm a stalker and I always get revenge on ****s like you

Nice umlaut

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Nice umlaut

umlauts or some sort of accent mark is needed on certain words so that the censoring machines do get ya!

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^ don't*

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Jeez, I think she’s a little pudgy—we should get her into a dance class.
Whoa, that didn’t go well—when does the YMCA offer swim lessons?
OK honey. Deep breaths. I know the water is cold. We’ll try something else.
Wow, she is actually pretty g…HEY, don’t push the other kids! Sorry everyone…
Well, after you scored seven goals the coach really needed to put you in net.
How far does “Travel” travel? Oh, that’s not bad.
So it’s like AAU, only for soccer? A thousand bucks, but that is for the whole year?
Yeah, but the whole family is going to Florida, so it is like a vacation.
It’s ridiculous she can’t be captain as a freshman. No one else here can even play!
How do you know it is a better league? I thought you loved your coach?
How many times a week do we have to drive out here?
This Q-angle thing is for real. The personal trainer is money well spent.
I know the coach e-mailed, but do you really want to go there for college?

Up to the present from another crazy dad (who's loved every minute).

[Unregistered]

Op left out:

OMG Paige's U11 team is kicking butt. She's going to get a D1 scholarship!
OMG Paige's U14 team is breaking up because a few top players are leaving. Should I move her too?
OMG Paige is 16 and only mediocre schools are interested in her. What do we do now?

This is the most common narrative.

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Natalie Nutmug does the USMNT

or better yet the USWNT

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or better yet the USWNT

Yay. I'd pay