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How to motivate a 11 y.o. to play the best he can?

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    #46
    Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
    See what the coach says. I'm the poster with the levelheaded response. The coach told me my son was the strongest player on the field, but wasn't aggressive en. At u12 that coach would only play him 15 min. A game, which was part of why my son wasn't confident. (To the poster who said high level club doesn't play to win, you couldn't be more wrong -- unfortunately).

    Many coaches dont have kids, or know how to motivate young kids. Our coach wanted the 11 year olds to fight for playing time, and my son shut down.

    My son is now in the college recruiting years and it is going really well, so you can come out of this and do just fine. But your son has to believe in himself, and believe he is a good player.
    That's nice coach speak for your kid doesn't have what it takes. I'm a coach and have delivered that same message plenty of times before. It's a way of letting you down softly. The sooner you recognize what that coach is actually telling the better off you and your son will be. Try another activity.

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      #47
      Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
      That's nice coach speak for your kid doesn't have what it takes. I'm a coach and have delivered that same message plenty of times before. It's a way of letting you down softly. The sooner you recognize what that coach is actually telling the better off you and your son will be. Try another activity.
      Don't be a jerk. Luckily for me my son is now 16 and is on one of the top teams in the country (won't say more as that would ID him).

      Anyone with an 11 or 12 year old, please don't listen to this guy. The number one trait that determines success is DRIVE. If your kid has that, you can overcome a temporary lack of confidence.

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        #48
        Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
        Don't be a jerk. Luckily for me my son is now 16 and is on one of the top teams in the country (won't say more as that would ID him).

        Anyone with an 11 or 12 year old, please don't listen to this guy. The number one trait that determines success is DRIVE. If your kid has that, you can overcome a temporary lack of confidence.
        Listen nut job, you are the one who wrote what the coach told you, not me, I'm just telling you what is between the lines. If you want to blow your brains out trying to develop your kid into something no one but you sees, that's your prerogative but don't for a minute think that any of the "advice" you get on this site is going to somehow make magic happen. Either your kid has it or they don't. Based upon what you wrote it sounds like your kid is soft mentally, that usually is not something you can fix.

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          #49
          Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
          Listen nut job, you are the one who wrote what the coach told you, not me, I'm just telling you what is between the lines. If you want to blow your brains out trying to develop your kid into something no one but you sees, that's your prerogative but don't for a minute think that any of the "advice" you get on this site is going to somehow make magic happen. Either your kid has it or they don't. Based upon what you wrote it sounds like your kid is soft mentally, that usually is not something you can fix.
          Happy Thanksgiving to you, too!

          Did you miss the part about how we know how the story turned out? My son is 5 years down the road from his episode of no confidence. I already *know* that it has turned out well for him.

          Sorry you feel the need to belittle players and families you know nothing of. Enjoy your holiday.

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            #50
            Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
            Happy Thanksgiving to you, too!

            Did you miss the part about how we know how the story turned out? My son is 5 years down the road from his episode of no confidence. I already *know* that it has turned out well for him.

            Sorry you feel the need to belittle players and families you know nothing of. Enjoy your holiday.
            Coach Clownboy missed the part about how the story turned out because like most bad soccer coaches he was preoccupied with his own arrogance and stupidity to pay attention. Yeah be dishonest when talking to parents about their kids too, he must be a great developer of talent...NOT.

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              #51
              Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
              Coach Clownboy missed the part about how the story turned out because like most bad soccer coaches he was preoccupied with his own arrogance and stupidity to pay attention. Yeah be dishonest when talking to parents about their kids too, he must be a great developer of talent...NOT.
              You sound like a parent with more money than sense. Here’s a news flash, the term “not aggressive” covers a whole lot of sins that generally all trace back to a lack of motivation. In this case it reads that the dad wants it more than the kid. If the kid doesn’t have a soccer fire in his belly no amount of the dad’s money is going to turn the situation around. Smart coaches cut these sorts because they ultimately are a waste of resources and usually kill teams but if the dad wants to try to buy his kid a soccer scholarship there are lots of coaches like Darren Marshall out there who will sell their soul, take the money and tell the parents what they want to hear. The sad part is the parents only figure out that that they’ve been sold a bunch of goo after the ship has already sailed.

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                #52
                Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                You sound like a parent with more money than sense. Here’s a news flash, the term “not aggressive” covers a whole lot of sins that generally all trace back to a lack of motivation. In this case it reads that the dad wants it more than the kid. If the kid doesn’t have a soccer fire in his belly no amount of the dad’s money is going to turn the situation around. Smart coaches cut these sorts because they ultimately are a waste of resources and usually kill teams but if the dad wants to try to buy his kid a soccer scholarship there are lots of coaches like Darren Marshall out there who will sell their soul, take the money and tell the parents what they want to hear. The sad part is the parents only figure out that that they’ve been sold a bunch of goo after the ship has already sailed.
                Or....the kid us simply at the wrong level and needs to find the right one

                Or...he and the coach don't click. It can happen and it's not easy for an eleven year old to read adults

                Or... the coach is sucking the love of the game away bu not playing him. An eleven year old should never be written off.

                It warrants a move, and if after that there's still issues then its time to try something else. Some kids don't like contact sports. One of mine didn't but excelled in tennis and track.

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                  #53
                  To the OP: A good club/team does not bench its players for 2/3 of the game on a regular basis. I don't care how "great" or "top team" they claim to be; that is just not good player development or good coaching. "Playing to win" is a nonsense excuse for benching 11yr olds. I'm sure you are paying the same as the other families and your son is putting in the effort at practices so failing to play him is just wrong. I would speak to the coach first and then the club director. If he doesn't get the more playing time, I would ask for a refund and take my son elsewhere.

                  First and foremost, don't let them take the joy of playing from your son. This IS a game after all and enjoying it is why anyone should be playing it. Second, actually getting playing time is how they develop, otherwise why be on a "team" in the first place? And finally, don't swallow the crap any coach or club hands you that hurts these first two principles. Your the parent, you pay the bill, and he's just 11 - be your family's advocate!

                  Comment


                    #54
                    Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                    To the OP: A good club/team does not bench its players for 2/3 of the game on a regular basis. I don't care how "great" or "top team" they claim to be; that is just not good player development or good coaching. "Playing to win" is a nonsense excuse for benching 11yr olds. I'm sure you are paying the same as the other families and your son is putting in the effort at practices so failing to play him is just wrong. I would speak to the coach first and then the club director. If he doesn't get the more playing time, I would ask for a refund and take my son elsewhere.

                    First and foremost, don't let them take the joy of playing from your son. This IS a game after all and enjoying it is why anyone should be playing it. Second, actually getting playing time is how they develop, otherwise why be on a "team" in the first place? And finally, don't swallow the crap any coach or club hands you that hurts these first two principles. Your the parent, you pay the bill, and he's just 11 - be your family's advocate!
                    Excellent points. A couple of red flags in the OP note.

                    First - a U11 team that is focused on "winning" At this level, the focus is on the *individual* players - developing confidence and comfort with basic ball skills (technical) and developing better awareness/intelligence with/without the ball (tactical) - and how can you do that if (1) you are not playing in match like situations and (2) being put into positions that force players to gain that awareness (that means playing multiple positions and trying things that may not necessarily be optimal for "winning" - like playing from the back, etc.

                    Second - a coach that limits playing time of players for reasons other than behavioral (unexcused absences, etc.). A coach of a "top" team (eye roll for u11 but let's say it's a high level club) shouldn't be taking a player who isn't at least close to other players, but if a club takes a player at any level below u14, the expectation should be fairly equal playing time. Winning and player development are not mutually exclusive, but the priority is the latter for younger players.

                    and wow..an actual coach telling an 11 year old to find another sport-

                    Look at elite younger players like Pusilic - "After school they would just play pickup every day. He just fell in love with the idea of having a ball and after school playing with his friends."

                    or a local kid, Geoff Cameron - "But Geoff wanted it more. He always wanted to practice more. He always was willing to keep pushing himself.”

                    So yes, your kid needs that internal drive most likely to become "elite" (an overused word in youth soccer), but he's not going to get it from some hard ass u12 coach punishing kids by limiting player time.

                    Find a club where the coaches focus on player development over winning at younger ages - look on games as opportunities for kids to test themselves - and encourage him to play as much pick up or other fun opportunities with the ball. and remember most kids aren't going to play more than high school ball but soccer should be a lifelong sport (well at 55 it's getting a bit tougher I'll admit), not something where kids flame out and get left behind because of our pay to play system

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                      #55
                      Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                      Or....the kid us simply at the wrong level and needs to find the right one

                      Or...he and the coach don't click. It can happen and it's not easy for an eleven year old to read adults

                      Or... the coach is sucking the love of the game away bu not playing him. An eleven year old should never be written off.

                      It warrants a move, and if after that there's still issues then its time to try something else. Some kids don't like contact sports. One of mine didn't but excelled in tennis and track.
                      A response from a typical ego driven club coach who insanely believes that they alone can fix every kid. The only thing this sort of coach can actually deliver is a healthy revenue stream for themself. They sell this sort of crap to desperate parents but the reality is all of these issues describe a marginal kid who doesn’t have enough skill and motivation to warrant any special effort by either coaches or parents because they have no actual upside potential as a soccer player. Beware of these types of coaches.

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