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I am the very model of a soccer parent lunatic

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    I am the very model of a soccer parent lunatic

    With apologies to Gilberto y Ojo de Halcón...

    I am the very model of a soccer parent lunatic
    My miniature Messi he knows each and every circus trick
    Stepovers and scorpions; sombreros he can do it all
    When someone is so talented, why does he need to pass the ball?

    To games I bring my airhorn and my very nasty attitude
    To no-one on the coaching staff I've ever given gratitude
    Because they fail to recognize my special snowflake's unique power
    A hybrid between Maradona, Johan Cruyff and Beckenbauer

    (A hybrid between Maradona, Johan Cruyff and Beckenbauer
    A hybrid between Maradona, Johan Cruyff and Beckenbauer
    A hybrid between Maradona, Johan Cruyff and Beckenbauer...)

    My offspring, I am certain, soon will soccer revolutionize
    If I could get the coach this simple fact to finally realize
    But he's sitting on the bench, it's obviously politics
    I am the very model of a soccer parent lunatic

    (But he's sitting on the bench, it's obviously politics
    He is the very model of a soccer parent lunatic)

    I am the very model of a soccer parent lunatic
    An expert almost without peer on team formations strategic
    On 4-4-2 or 4-3-3, I can expound most expertly
    English, Dutch, or Brazilian, I speak with great authority

    I can talk of form and space in ways that sound most erudite
    (It may be loads of bullsh1t but you cannot prove that I'm not right)
    In every aspect of the game, my knowledge it is unsurpassed
    It may all come from watching sports, but you'll find I pick things up real fast

    (It may all come from watching sports, but you'll find he picks things up real fast
    It may all come from watching sports, but you'll find he picks things up real fast
    It may all come from watching sports, but you'll find he picks things up real fast....)

    It's amazing what you learn if you just leave the TV on
    I now speak fluent Spanish just from watching Univision
    ¿Dónde está el baño? they say before a corner-kick
    I am the very model of a soccer parent lunatic

    (¿Dónde está el baño? they say before a corner-kick
    He am the very model of a soccer parent lunatic)

    I am the very model of a Soccer Parent Lunatic
    I travel off to tournaments, and there I do my sideline schtick
    I take loads of pictures and I scream at the referee
    (I've never been ejected, so I must be acting properly)

    I put down all the other kids, and how they're not as skilled as mine
    And publicly dispute the teams' allotment of the playing time
    The coaches they dislike me and they think that I am cancerous
    On all questions of strategy, I know just what the answer is!

    (On all questions of strategy, he knows just what the answer is!
    On all questions of strategy, he knows just what the answer is!
    On all questions of strategy, he knows just what the answer is!)

    I hate it when the goalie punts, play from the back I always say
    (Except when we are losing, then the keep should boot it all the way)
    The other moms and dads are jealous, so they think that I'm a d1ck
    I am the very model of a soccer parent lunatic

    (The other moms and dads are jealous, so they think that he's a d1ck
    He am the very model of a soccer parent lunatic)
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