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    Rebuilding confidence?

    After a negative season my daughter was cut from her team. She got very little playing time and her confidence is in the toilet. Not quite sure why the coach offered her an A spot and really never gave her any opportunities from the get go. She’s only 11 and used to love the game before coming to this organization. In hindsight I would of done several things differently. I should of taken her to a practice with the desired club but didn’t. I take her to tryouts and they pretty much don’t mix the new players (several) with any of the better players. Her tryout is meh. She is definitely better than many on 2nd team (encl 2) as she’s played with them before or against them. She gets offered a spot that evening but for bottom team. Not surprised based on her being so so and the way tryouts were held. So do I shop around more but who knows how it will go because her ego is shot? Go to a small club but back to a longer drive? Take this spot with the hope that she rebuilds confidence gets a lot of playing time and moves up? Rosters will increase the next season when they go 11v11. Top team ECNL isn’t goal. Ultimate goal is high school. Want her to love the game again. Until this past year she was a great little player. I would hear it all the time. Pressured of course to decide.

    #2
    Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
    After a negative season my daughter was cut from her team. She got very little playing time and her confidence is in the toilet. Not quite sure why the coach offered her an A spot and really never gave her any opportunities from the get go. She’s only 11 and used to love the game before coming to this organization. In hindsight I would of done several things differently. I should of taken her to a practice with the desired club but didn’t. I take her to tryouts and they pretty much don’t mix the new players (several) with any of the better players. Her tryout is meh. She is definitely better than many on 2nd team (encl 2) as she’s played with them before or against them. She gets offered a spot that evening but for bottom team. Not surprised based on her being so so and the way tryouts were held. So do I shop around more but who knows how it will go because her ego is shot? Go to a small club but back to a longer drive? Take this spot with the hope that she rebuilds confidence gets a lot of playing time and moves up? Rosters will increase the next season when they go 11v11. Top team ECNL isn’t goal. Ultimate goal is high school. Want her to love the game again. Until this past year she was a great little player. I would hear it all the time. Pressured of course to decide.
    If she loves the game the team does not matter! Quit looking so closely at leagues and enjoy the development in her early years, celebrate small accomplishments such as juggling and breaking her own personal best, do not compare players at this age, it is counterproductive and builds resentment. In short, 1st team or 2nd team is irrelevant so long as she gets touches and playing time, if she improves and learns something from every coach and other players, let her be and be happy for her and enjoy the ride! There is so much joy in this game and no time for bickering and jealousy, best of luck!

    Comment


      #3
      Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
      If she loves the game the team does not matter! Quit looking so closely at leagues and enjoy the development in her early years, celebrate small accomplishments such as juggling and breaking her own personal best, do not compare players at this age, it is counterproductive and builds resentment. In short, 1st team or 2nd team is irrelevant so long as she gets touches and playing time, if she improves and learns something from every coach and other players, let her be and be happy for her and enjoy the ride! There is so much joy in this game and no time for bickering and jealousy, best of luck!
      At this age, you just need to make sure the coach is strong and that she is enjoying the game. Move her if you need to find a better coach, but don't worry about the league. In two years, you can start worrying about DA or ECNL, but not now.

      Comment


        #4
        Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
        After a negative season my daughter was cut from her team. She got very little playing time and her confidence is in the toilet. Not quite sure why the coach offered her an A spot and really never gave her any opportunities from the get go. She’s only 11 and used to love the game before coming to this organization. In hindsight I would of done several things differently. I should of taken her to a practice with the desired club but didn’t. I take her to tryouts and they pretty much don’t mix the new players (several) with any of the better players. Her tryout is meh. She is definitely better than many on 2nd team (encl 2) as she’s played with them before or against them. She gets offered a spot that evening but for bottom team. Not surprised based on her being so so and the way tryouts were held. So do I shop around more but who knows how it will go because her ego is shot? Go to a small club but back to a longer drive? Take this spot with the hope that she rebuilds confidence gets a lot of playing time and moves up? Rosters will increase the next season when they go 11v11. Top team ECNL isn’t goal. Ultimate goal is high school. Want her to love the game again. Until this past year she was a great little player. I would hear it all the time. Pressured of course to decide.
        Alex Morgan didn't make the team at 13. Just find someone who can coach, have her do private training, and make sure she loves the sport.

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
          Alex Morgan didn't make the team at 13. Just find someone who can coach, have her do private training, and make sure she loves the sport.
          Find a great coach and don’t worry about the league. Let her find the love of the game again

          Comment


            #6
            Trying to find out more about the coach. Spoke to him briefly. Very approachable. Old coach was so bad that my bar is set pretty low. All my daughter would get is try hard. No input on what she needed to work on. When she cut her she told me she has good skills but needs confidence. Who gains confidence playing 5 mins here and there? She is also related to the owner so even though I think the lower coach is decent we just want out.

            Spoke to another parent who said son was put on bottom team when he joined possible new club and then was moved mid season. She said she thinks they may do that unless the kids a rockstar to see them more and feel them out. Maybe? Coach said higher teams left with smaller roster with room for movement up.

            If a team is BAD will that really hinder her progress? Don’t want to lose another year. Our town doesn’t have middle school teams so club is the best option. Town travel is okay but that with club is too much.

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
              Trying to find out more about the coach. Spoke to him briefly. Very approachable. Old coach was so bad that my bar is set pretty low. All my daughter would get is try hard. No input on what she needed to work on. When she cut her she told me she has good skills but needs confidence. Who gains confidence playing 5 mins here and there? She is also related to the owner so even though I think the lower coach is decent we just want out.

              Spoke to another parent who said son was put on bottom team when he joined possible new club and then was moved mid season. She said she thinks they may do that unless the kids a rockstar to see them more and feel them out. Maybe? Coach said higher teams left with smaller roster with room for movement up.

              If a team is BAD will that really hinder her progress? Don’t want to lose another year. Our town doesn’t have middle school teams so club is the best option. Town travel is okay but that with club is too much.
              Yes. If they are really BAD, it will definitely hinder her. Kids tend to play up and down to whomever they are playing with.However, there's a lot to be said for being the star of the team - you just have to make sure that the kids are somewhere in the same talent level. If not, you may want to look around a bit.

              Comment


                #8
                It's all about the coaching. Find a different club (sounds like this one has other issues) and more importantly a coach who puts development over winning games. They're hard to find but they are out there, often times at the smaller clubs. Ask around.There is no excuse for not giving players U13 and under half a game, other than incompetence and caring more about wins.
                And I don't want to rub it in as your family is going through a rough patch (and I've been there, at his same age in fact) but mid year you should have been having a conversation with coach about what she needs to work on and where her future lies with the team. You have to be proactive with younger players until they're older and can self advocate better. It's also alway advised to start thinking about other options well before the tryout season comes around. Things change all the time and you never know if a club or team might blow up. But if your kid is a bench warmer find them a spot where they will play and thrive before this happens.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Dear 11 year old girls father. YOU ARE A JERKOFF, you're asking for help on the Jerry Springer message board of kids soccer.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                    It's all about the coaching. Find a different club (sounds like this one has other issues) and more importantly a coach who puts development over winning games. They're hard to find but they are out there, often times at the smaller clubs. Ask around.There is no excuse for not giving players U13 and under half a game, other than incompetence and caring more about wins.
                    And I don't want to rub it in as your family is going through a rough patch (and I've been there, at his same age in fact) but mid year you should have been having a conversation with coach about what she needs to work on and where her future lies with the team. You have to be proactive with younger players until they're older and can self advocate better. It's also alway advised to start thinking about other options well before the tryout season comes around. Things change all the time and you never know if a club or team might blow up. But if your kid is a bench warmer find them a spot where they will play and thrive before this happens.
                    Absolutely agree. I should of said something. Kicking myself. Lesson learned.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                      Dear 11 year old girls father. YOU ARE A JERKOFF, you're asking for help on the Jerry Springer message board of kids soccer.
                      ding ding chicken dinner we have a winner

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                        Dear 11 year old girls father. YOU ARE A JERKOFF, you're asking for help on the Jerry Springer message board of kids soccer.
                        Pipe down. As much as this message board can get ridiculous at times... you can get some good advice or at least things to think about at times. Not everyone has groups of close friends or acquaintances who you trust not to backstab you but who also have good info... Who’s he going to discuss it with? Coach who didn’t play his kid? New coach who he doesn’t really know yet? Come on... I’ve done this before. Sometimes going to an anonymous board and asking questions of strangers isn’t a bad idea.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                          ding ding chicken dinner we have a winner
                          Yes we now have it confirmed that at least two a-hole posted on this thread, yourself included.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                            After a negative season my daughter was cut from her team. She got very little playing time and her confidence is in the toilet. Not quite sure why the coach offered her an A spot and really never gave her any opportunities from the get go. She’s only 11 and used to love the game before coming to this organization. In hindsight I would of done several things differently. I should of taken her to a practice with the desired club but didn’t. I take her to tryouts and they pretty much don’t mix the new players (several) with any of the better players. Her tryout is meh. She is definitely better than many on 2nd team (encl 2) as she’s played with them before or against them. She gets offered a spot that evening but for bottom team. Not surprised based on her being so so and the way tryouts were held. So do I shop around more but who knows how it will go because her ego is shot? Go to a small club but back to a longer drive? Take this spot with the hope that she rebuilds confidence gets a lot of playing time and moves up? Rosters will increase the next season when they go 11v11. Top team ECNL isn’t goal. Ultimate goal is high school. Want her to love the game again. Until this past year she was a great little player. I would hear it all the time. Pressured of course to decide.
                            Parents put too much pressure and stock in their kids being in the top team. At your kids age, they need to have fun and play against kids at her level. The reality is that your kid is probably not good enough. Rather than complain to the coach, spend the time working on her game. Truly see what she needs to work on. Coaches aren’t “against” you. They want to win. With the exception of “coaches kids”, most kids don’t get playing time because they just aren’t good enough....yet.

                            Work on her game. Make it hard for the coaches to take her off the field. Let her enjoy the game.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                              Parents put too much pressure and stock in their kids being in the top team. At your kids age, they need to have fun and play against kids at her level. The reality is that your kid is probably not good enough. Rather than complain to the coach, spend the time working on her game. Truly see what she needs to work on. Coaches aren’t “against” you. They want to win. With the exception of “coaches kids”, most kids don’t get playing time because they just aren’t good enough....yet.

                              Work on her game. Make it hard for the coaches to take her off the field. Let her enjoy the game.
                              Not disagreeing that she needs to work on her game. I was too quiet. Coach never gave her any specifics on what she needs to work on. Should of pushed for more. Just trying to get out of crap situation. Hard to get a kid who is deflated to perform well at tryouts. Was a few coaches kid/close friends of coach issue on the team. They never left the field.

                              Comment

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