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Etiquette for leaving a club at end of season

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    #31
    Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
    It's a tough decision. I don't know how old she is but we are at a small club at U11. The girls love their team and coach. I like the small club feel and the parents. However with that said, if my daughter was a superstar I may look elsewhere to play at a higher level for growth and development. I would just send a quick email or call and thank them for the opportunity they gave your daughter.
    I don't buy the "superstar needs to move on" argument unless that "superstar" is going to DAP. Yes, the superstar needs more--needs to play ODP, needs to play Districts, needs to go to college ID camps, needs individual coaching, probably needs other things. Don't underestimate the value of being a star on a small team: Your superstar striker scoring all the goals for M&P FC might just be "transitioned" to a speedy right back chasing down break aways for McMegaClub. Scorers need chances, not just a good view of the back of the jerseys of a winning team.

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      #32
      Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
      At least, in moving to a big club, even if not a top player at this moment, the player will have an opportunity to work hard to move up to a more competitive team, and maybe eventually to a top team, where ID ops do increase. If the player has outgrown a club, it's just a dead end to keep them there.
      if this person for real = do you believe this bull - coaches dont care on the big clubs unless u are a superstar, if not totally disposable - be warned from experience as coach and parent

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        #33
        Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
        if this person for real = do you believe this bull - coaches dont care on the big clubs unless u are a superstar, if not totally disposable - be warned from experience as coach and parent
        Regardless of club size, mom & pop vs. mega club, they care about paying customers leaving, superstar or not.

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          #34
          Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
          I hear this argument all the time, please give us the explanation of how the big clubs get an average team player more ID opportunities. Thanks
          My d plays for one of the top teams at one of the big clubs. By the time she was finishing her soph year in HS, she had played over 30 games in showcase settings in front of hundreds of coaches. Many of the schools that she was interested in over that time frame saw her play multiple times against high level competition. She had to do the homework of being ready to play, reaching out to contact the schools to let them know she was interested in them and following up. But a small local club had no way of giving her that same exposure.

          She plays HS with good players that play at smaller clubs, but some of these kids have played maybe a few games in local tournaments where a few local colleges have watched them play. It's a huge difference, but to be clear, it only matters if the player really wants to play for a high level college program and has the ability to make it. My d got several top college programs to come watch her play, but they weren't convinced that she could play for them, so we had to keep searching for the right fit.

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            #35
            Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
            My d plays for one of the top teams at one of the big clubs. By the time she was finishing her soph year in HS, she had played over 30 games in showcase settings in front of hundreds of coaches. Many of the schools that she was interested in over that time frame saw her play multiple times against high level competition. She had to do the homework of being ready to play, reaching out to contact the schools to let them know she was interested in them and following up. But a small local club had no way of giving her that same exposure.

            She plays HS with good players that play at smaller clubs, but some of these kids have played maybe a few games in local tournaments where a few local colleges have watched them play. It's a huge difference, but to be clear, it only matters if the player really wants to play for a high level college program and has the ability to make it. My d got several top college programs to come watch her play, but they weren't convinced that she could play for them, so we had to keep searching for the right fit.
            Pretty much sums it up. Good players at smaller programs can land college spots but they'll have to work much harder to get on a coach's radar. If you're not playing good competition regularly you're less likely to be of interest. Coach exposure is more likely to come from camps vs top tourneys.

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              #36
              Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
              Just be honest with the coach and other people, play out the rest of the year, and move on. Everyone should appreciate that. The wrong way to do is quitting during the season or lying to people about your intentions. Good luck.
              The issue with this approach is that even when you are honest with certain coaches and the reasons are valid they will assume you are just a disgruntled parent or lying about your intentions. It wouldn't be appreciated by certain coaches either in the middle of the year or at the end of the year because they will always refuse to admit that they failed the player.

              If during the season the coach/owner treats your child and conducts themselves in a manner that gives you perfectly valid reasons to leave between the fall and spring then you have the responsibility as a parent to support your child and act in the best interest of your child. Absolutely no exceptions. If prior to the end of the season the coach/owner makes it very clear that they have given up on the child based on their coaching, treatment of the child, and comments to other people then it's time to make a decision. It's especially valid when the child already knows the coach/owner feels that way. Good luck.

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                #37
                Seems like very few, if any, of the parents who are departing are overly forthcoming about their intentions.

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                  #38
                  Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                  Seems like very few, if any, of the parents who are departing are overly forthcoming about their intentions.
                  There's really no reason to be forthcoming. It's like canceling your SI subscription and signing up for ESPN. Nobody needs to know unless you want to tell them.

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                    #39
                    Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                    Seems like very few, if any, of the parents who are departing are overly forthcoming about their intentions.
                    They shouldn't be - some coaches are Dbags and will take it out on players or try and make you second guess decisions. Parents who are staying start 2nd guessing their choice to stay and will act weird. It can get really, really uncomfortable.

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                      #40
                      Depends on the facts of course, but I'd send a polite and complementary (without being phony) email thanking the coach for kindness, support, education of child, but explaining that going to try something different, a new challenge, etc., and say you'd be happy to discuss if they want further details It's instructive to see the response back. If they really want some honest feedback, they'll ask you for it. If you're switching from small club to big club, there probably isn't too much explanation necessary. In most cases, I see no reason to burn bridges. If you really feel the need to unload on them, then you probably should have spoken up sooner if there was really a problem.

                      Agree that going to other parents creates weird dynamics. Some people are insecure so need to justify their decision to switch by trying to drag others along with them (ie, let's get the whole team to switch). Understood that you may need to collude with a carpool buddy, but otherwise a change of team (with new kids) can be really good for growth. If you go to other parents, invariably some will see it as a rejection of what they're doing and so will react poorly (at least behind your back).

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                        #41
                        In general, it's been my experience that the other players and parents are generally going to be OK with another family's decision to move on. But the temperament of the team the next season is going to follow the coach's attitude. If they belittle the player who moved on or call her a traitor (especially at the younger ages) the kids are likely to follow suit, or become disgruntled themselves at the coach's behavior.

                        I've seen it both ways: there is a current player at another club that still comes to visit the old team at tournaments, and hangs with us between games; and there is a current player on D's team who was shunned over leaving her old team and gets fouled at every turn and ignored by the players/coach in the line at the end of the game. The coach's attitude ("friend on another team" vs "traitor") set the stage.

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                          #42
                          Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                          Seems like very few, if any, of the parents who are departing are overly forthcoming about their intentions.
                          It's all a chess game.

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                            #43
                            Etiquette for leaving?

                            Don't burn any bridges, you never know when a former coach may be able to open a door for your kid.

                            Keep it to yourself until you actually leave, the coaches know if you are missing practices that you are attending other club's sessions, no need to advertise it.

                            As far as the parents "we decided to go in another direction" " keeping our options open" Enough said.

                            It's a small world, you will see the coaches and parents at many events, IMHO it is better to be able to talk to them rather than pretend you don't see them.

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                              #44
                              Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                              Etiquette for leaving?

                              Don't burn any bridges, you never know when a former coach may be able to open a door for your kid.

                              Keep it to yourself until you actually leave, the coaches know if you are missing practices that you are attending other club's sessions, no need to advertise it.

                              As far as the parents "we decided to go in another direction" " keeping our options open" Enough said.

                              It's a small world, you will see the coaches and parents at many events, IMHO it is better to be able to talk to them rather than pretend you don't see them.
                              Sage advice. Small state, small soccer universe. You'll run into people over and over again. If you feel the need to rip the club a new one because of mistreatment or other then keep it between you and the club. No need to blast it to everyone - thats what TS is for :)

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                                #45
                                Thanks to the OP for posting.

                                We are going through this with my D right now.
                                She has a solid verbal offer to move to a different club (ECNL) and we are going to do it.
                                We really like our current club and want to maintain a good relationship with the families, coach and club.
                                Making the move for better coaching, better competition and better soccer.

                                I've been trying to figure the best approach.
                                I'm thinking as soon as we have offer in writing, we'll let the coach know what's up and offer to stay to the end.

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