Why do some coaches feel the need to berate players on the field while the game is going on? Seriously, what do they hope to gain out of it? Is it for their competitive juices? Is it to show who's boss? Do they think they're actually helping the player while they're getting yelled at? Not to mention the coaches favorite who never gets yelled at, right? I don't get it!
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Originally posted by Unregistered View PostWhy do some coaches feel the need to berate players on the field while the game is going on? Seriously, what do they hope to gain out of it? Is it for their competitive juices? Is it to show who's boss? Do they think they're actually helping the player while they're getting yelled at? Not to mention the coaches favorite who never gets yelled at, right? I don't get it!
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Originally posted by Unregistered View PostWhy do some coaches feel the need to berate players on the field while the game is going on? Seriously, what do they hope to gain out of it? Is it for their competitive juices? Is it to show who's boss? Do they think they're actually helping the player while they're getting yelled at? Not to mention the coaches favorite who never gets yelled at, right? I don't get it!
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Originally posted by Unregistered View PostWhy do some coaches feel the need to berate players on the field while the game is going on? Seriously, what do they hope to gain out of it? Is it for their competitive juices? Is it to show who's boss? Do they think they're actually helping the player while they're getting yelled at? Not to mention the coaches favorite who never gets yelled at, right? I don't get it!
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Originally posted by Unregistered View PostWhy do some coaches feel the need to berate players on the field while the game is going on? Seriously, what do they hope to gain out of it? Is it for their competitive juices? Is it to show who's boss? Do they think they're actually helping the player while they're getting yelled at? Not to mention the coaches favorite who never gets yelled at, right? I don't get it!
After those responses, now you know why coaches can be such asses. It is well in line with the parents of the other players who are equally so.
Is this boys or girls and what age?
Although the 5 morons who have already posted assume it is a girls team, bullying has a slightly higher occurrence on boys teams. Only it goes unnoticed because everything thinks that the boys are supposed to be tougher and the boys and/or their parents are embarrassed to recognized that their little boys 'just can't take it'.
It is sad to see it on a girls team....but then one might call me sexist to say or suggest that girls shouldn't be treated the same.
Perhaps as these 5 moronic parents suggest, your child is meeting expectations of the coach. It was the case with my child when the coach was being an ass. What was worse is that the rest of the team (well...not all) starts to follow the coaches lead and then your child has a miserable experience and gains nothing.
Why does the coach do it? Massive insecurity. The kids who follow in line are simply raised by parents who are similar to the 5 morons who have already posted. What these parents don't realize....but soon will....is that there little cherubs will, someday, not be the best of the best of the best. I can only imagine their reactions when their kids aren't supported and treated like gold.
What I don't like about the whole thing is that the club accepted your child and therefore have an obligation to train in a mature and supportive environment. As sappy and, for these 5 moronic parents who have posted, pathetic as this might sound to them, it is what you are paying for.
What can you do? There are three options and only the two are viable. 1. Talk to the coach and/or DOC. Usually this gets you no where since it is probably the MO or the club. Such behavior starts at the top. 2. Leave the club. 3. Realizing that part of the problem might be a lack of effort from your child, tell your kid to go wild in practice and start playing harder and harder to the point that the other players start to complain "take it easy. Its only practice"....or.....'you are going to hurt one of us'. Not only will your child start to play quite a bit better, but he/she will get personal rewards from hammering the kids who were being asses (not unlike their parents) and the coach will recognize more value....not that this will change the coach at all, but at least your child might enjoy it more.
I hate to say it, but bullies sometimes need a 'punch in the nose'.
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Originally posted by Unregistered View PostWhy do some coaches feel the need to berate players on the field while the game is going on? Seriously, what do they hope to gain out of it? Is it for their competitive juices? Is it to show who's boss? Do they think they're actually helping the player while they're getting yelled at? Not to mention the coaches favorite who never gets yelled at, right? I don't get it!
Are they getting yelled at, or to?
No two players are alike, and no two players make the same mistake in the same circumstance, so you cannot equate the two. Is one making the same mistake over and over?
No, I don't suspect you do get it. Because you, like all of us parents, have an inherent slant toward our own children. I try to stay middle of the road and think I do a better job than many, but still I give my kid more leeway when I see something than someone else. Why? Because I know my kid, and I know what they are thinking when something happens and I likely know what their intent was. So, a mistake made by them I chalk up to "Oh, I see what you were doing, nice idea". When another kid does something that doesn't work, I think "What the hell are they doing out there?" Because, well...I don't know what the hell they are doing out there.
So, you may see things as not equal because you love your child (presumably), so it's darn near impossible for them to be treated equally.
Hearing a coach yell to a player isn't necessarily a bad thing. What they are saying, how they are saying it, and when are all factors.
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Originally posted by Unregistered View PostWow, that was so inspiring. I'm sure the op is better off for your advise.
I also don’t dismiss the role of the player and their level of maturity and insecurity in contributing to the issue. But, the good coach is able to be constructive. Unfortunately as youth soccer expands, and the variability of coaching widens the level of maturity also widens.
Children mature at different rates. Some are always insecure. However, parents can affect this greatly. Getting anxious about unmet expectations is a killer and will have an opposite effect. Being supportive and believing in your child is the best you can do. Fear of failure is a killer. Accepting that failure is part of the development is important.
If your solution is to remove the child from every environment that they ‘fail’ in will not help develop the psychological part. Although forcing them to tolerate a profoundly negative environment is depressing, a balance exists. Too many kids grow up not knowing how to deal with adversity.
In your current scenario, bringing the kid out to a field and just kicking around, allowing them to be creative without an over bearing coach berating him/her for mistakes provides a nice balance of environments, increases enjoyment time, allows unchecked and unhindered creativity, and a chance for the player to develop some skills and confidence. Your support of the kid whether the succeed or not will help them get back up and play the next moment.
.....but don’t dismiss the value of telling the player to simply go out and hammer during practices. They might feel quite a bit better. Playing with fear is paralyzing.
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Originally posted by Unregistered View PostAgain, you are the personality that is part of the problem. I do wish that you and your child will never know the angst that the OP or others feel. While I don’t suggest kids be coddled, nor do I mind coaches being stern, but there is a difference between constructive and destructive coaching...and parenting. Although perceptions vary the negative end result can be the same.
I also don’t dismiss the role of the player and their level of maturity and insecurity in contributing to the issue. But, the good coach is able to be constructive. Unfortunately as youth soccer expands, and the variability of coaching widens the level of maturity also widens.
Children mature at different rates. Some are always insecure. However, parents can affect this greatly. Getting anxious about unmet expectations is a killer and will have an opposite effect. Being supportive and believing in your child is the best you can do. Fear of failure is a killer. Accepting that failure is part of the development is important.
If your solution is to remove the child from every environment that they ‘fail’ in will not help develop the psychological part. Although forcing them to tolerate a profoundly negative environment is depressing, a balance exists. Too many kids grow up not knowing how to deal with adversity.
In your current scenario, bringing the kid out to a field and just kicking around, allowing them to be creative without an over bearing coach berating him/her for mistakes provides a nice balance of environments, increases enjoyment time, allows unchecked and unhindered creativity, and a chance for the player to develop some skills and confidence. Your support of the kid whether the succeed or not will help them get back up and play the next moment.
.....but don’t dismiss the value of telling the player to simply go out and hammer during practices. They might feel quite a bit better. Playing with fear is paralyzing.
Parents today are so afraid of holding their kids responsible. Why? A coach or teacher doesn't coddle and tell them how amazing they are and it's "bullying". A teammate gets sick of them making the same mistake over and over and tells them to get it together and it's "bullying". It's not.
Stop blowing sunshine up your kids ass. Tell them to work hard for their goals and stop blaming everyone. Or for goodness sake, homeschool your kid, and sign them up for rec soccer at the Y.
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Originally posted by Unregistered View PostWhat some view as berate, others view as instructional.
Are they getting yelled at, or to?
No two players are alike, and no two players make the same mistake in the same circumstance, so you cannot equate the two. Is one making the same mistake over and over?
No, I don't suspect you do get it. Because you, like all of us parents, have an inherent slant toward our own children. I try to stay middle of the road and think I do a better job than many, but still I give my kid more leeway when I see something than someone else. Why? Because I know my kid, and I know what they are thinking when something happens and I likely know what their intent was. So, a mistake made by them I chalk up to "Oh, I see what you were doing, nice idea". When another kid does something that doesn't work, I think "What the hell are they doing out there?" Because, well...I don't know what the hell they are doing out there.
So, you may see things as not equal because you love your child (presumably), so it's darn near impossible for them to be treated equally.
Hearing a coach yell to a player isn't necessarily a bad thing. What they are saying, how they are saying it, and when are all factors.
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Unregistered
Originally posted by Unregistered View PostAgain, you are the personality that is part of the problem. I do wish that you and your child will never know the angst that the OP or others feel. While I don’t suggest kids be coddled, nor do I mind coaches being stern, but there is a difference between constructive and destructive coaching...and parenting. Although perceptions vary the negative end result can be the same.
I also don’t dismiss the role of the player and their level of maturity and insecurity in contributing to the issue. But, the good coach is able to be constructive. Unfortunately as youth soccer expands, and the variability of coaching widens the level of maturity also widens.
Children mature at different rates. Some are always insecure. However, parents can affect this greatly. Getting anxious about unmet expectations is a killer and will have an opposite effect. Being supportive and believing in your child is the best you can do. Fear of failure is a killer. Accepting that failure is part of the development is important.
If your solution is to remove the child from every environment that they ‘fail’ in will not help develop the psychological part. Although forcing them to tolerate a profoundly negative environment is depressing, a balance exists. Too many kids grow up not knowing how to deal with adversity.
In your current scenario, bringing the kid out to a field and just kicking around, allowing them to be creative without an over bearing coach berating him/her for mistakes provides a nice balance of environments, increases enjoyment time, allows unchecked and unhindered creativity, and a chance for the player to develop some skills and confidence. Your support of the kid whether the succeed or not will help them get back up and play the next moment.
.....but don’t dismiss the value of telling the player to simply go out and hammer during practices. They might feel quite a bit better. Playing with fear is paralyzing.
My personality is just fine, thank you. I encourage my kids to work hard and have fun, not coddle them and spin everything to be the other persons fault.
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