Why is it that...

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I am at a complete loss as to why I get so worked up over my daughter's soccer games. Honestly. I get a little nervous before they play the tough out of state teams. I get really excited when they win, and am very proud. I feel down when they lose. Maybe a little too much of both.

I am not proud of the fact that I feel so strongly. I am trying hard to change.

There is a lot of nervous energy on the sidelines at tournament games from all the parents.

I don't get like this when I personally play softball or basketball or indoor soccer. Even though I am competitive.

What is this weird phenomenon? I clearly am not the only one. Read the posts here. Listen to parents on the sidelines.

By the way, I sit dead silent on the sidelines. I never show any emotion at games or after.

I also make sure that my daughter doesn't have any clue what I think about her soccer, my wife and I never say anything other than "great work" win/lose/draw. We make a point of being supportive but never pushy. Being a good person, smart, kind, honest are all things we prioritize at home.

Maybe parents are like this in other sports. I don't see it as much at my son's basketball games. Maybe soccer is such a long build up to a score and many times there are only a score or two per 90 min game, maybe that long build up is why emotions run so high?

I suppose it's natural to be heavily invested in your kids endeavors, because they are our kids, but this is hard to explain.

Ok, I know that some folks are going to criticize this post, go ahead. I am interested in hearing other folks thoughts on this though.

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You have no control over the outcome and can't stand it.

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Your daughter knows. She's also probably pretty young. You'll mellow just like the rest of us.

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It's too bad...

I am at a complete loss as to why I get so worked up over my daughter's soccer games. Honestly. I get a little nervous before they play the tough out of state teams. I get really excited when they win, and am very proud. I feel down when they lose. Maybe a little too much of both.

I am not proud of the fact that I feel so strongly. I am trying hard to change.

There is a lot of nervous energy on the sidelines at tournament games from all the parents.

I don't get like this when I personally play softball or basketball or indoor soccer. Even though I am competitive.

What is this weird phenomenon? I clearly am not the only one. Read the posts here. Listen to parents on the sidelines.

By the way, I sit dead silent on the sidelines. I never show any emotion at games or after.

I also make sure that my daughter doesn't have any clue what I think about her soccer, my wife and I never say anything other than "great work" win/lose/draw. We make a point of being supportive but never pushy. Being a good person, smart, kind, honest are all things we prioritize at home.

Maybe parents are like this in other sports. I don't see it as much at my son's basketball games. Maybe soccer is such a long build up to a score and many times there are only a score or two per 90 min game, maybe that long build up is why emotions run so high?

I suppose it's natural to be heavily invested in your kids endeavors, because they are our kids, but this is hard to explain.

Ok, I know that some folks are going to criticize this post, go ahead. I am interested in hearing other folks thoughts on this though.

...that someone can post a heartfelt post and has to worry about being criticized for it. if this is sincere, then good for you for asking, because I guarantee other parents on here go through the same things.

I had a lot of these questions, and someone recommended I start following this site on Facebook, he is a former Oregon club director and he talks about this stuff a lot.

His website is www.changingthegameproject.com. You can get the Facebook link there. I hope you find it helpful.

[Unregistered]

I am at a complete loss as to why I get so worked up over my daughter's soccer games. Honestly. I get a little nervous before they play the tough out of state teams. I get really excited when they win, and am very proud. I feel down when they lose. Maybe a little too much of both.

I am not proud of the fact that I feel so strongly. I am trying hard to change.

There is a lot of nervous energy on the sidelines at tournament games from all the parents.

I don't get like this when I personally play softball or basketball or indoor soccer. Even though I am competitive.

What is this weird phenomenon? I clearly am not the only one. Read the posts here. Listen to parents on the sidelines.

By the way, I sit dead silent on the sidelines. I never show any emotion at games or after.

I also make sure that my daughter doesn't have any clue what I think about her soccer, my wife and I never say anything other than "great work" win/lose/draw. We make a point of being supportive but never pushy. Being a good person, smart, kind, honest are all things we prioritize at home.

Maybe parents are like this in other sports. I don't see it as much at my son's basketball games. Maybe soccer is such a long build up to a score and many times there are only a score or two per 90 min game, maybe that long build up is why emotions run so high?

I suppose it's natural to be heavily invested in your kids endeavors, because they are our kids, but this is hard to explain.

Ok, I know that some folks are going to criticize this post, go ahead. I am interested in hearing other folks thoughts on this though.

A lot of parents don't want to admit this, because they don't want to be "that" parent, but I think a LOT of us can relate to the above. I think it's a combination of reasons for why we feel the way we do, but soccer seems much more serious than the other sports my kids play, and I too find myself nervous for soccer games. I don't know what the answer is for "why", but I'd be interested in knowing. I wouldn't dream of letting my daughter know that I feel this way either, but I have to admit, I do.

Kudos to you for an honest, thought-provoking post. Ignore the haters that will come....

[Unregistered]

You are certainly not alone in this. As a former collegiate player and current coach I am certain that there are more parents like you than you may believe. I think one of the frustrating things for many parents is that so much of what happens in soccer games seems to be random.

Unlike in traditional American sports, once the game begins even the coach is somewhat a passive bystander. In Football, Basketball and Baseball a coach can call a play or pitch on every offensive possession. This feeling of control is much different than what you experience with soccer, where you have to rely almost exclusively on player's individual decision making abilities.

Having personally played or coached in well over 1000 games myself find the games, I find them to be much more enjoyable when I disassociate myself with the final score and try to focus on areas where I see improvement in individual players and team tactics. There are so many things you can focus your attention on that it gives you a much more broad perspective than whether they just win or lose.

If you are simply unable to do this, I completely understand. In that case, you just ride that roller coaster of emotions the best you can. Hey, people pay big money each year to ride roller coasters for fun.

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All of this disappears at U16.

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All of this disappears at U16.

Why? Because your DD hates you by then and you stop going to games?

[Unregistered]

You are certainly not alone in this. As a former collegiate player and current coach I am certain that there are more parents like you than you may believe. I think one of the frustrating things for many parents is that so much of what happens in soccer games seems to be random.

Unlike in traditional American sports, once the game begins even the coach is somewhat a passive bystander. In Football, Basketball and Baseball a coach can call a play or pitch on every offensive possession. This feeling of control is much different than what you experience with soccer, where you have to rely almost exclusively on player's individual decision making abilities.

Having personally played or coached in well over 1000 games myself find the games, I find them to be much more enjoyable when I disassociate myself with the final score and try to focus on areas where I see improvement in individual players and team tactics. There are so many things you can focus your attention on that it gives you a much more broad perspective than whether they just win or lose.

If you are simply unable to do this, I completely understand. In that case, you just ride that roller coaster of emotions the best you can. Hey, people pay big money each year to ride roller coasters for fun.

This is especially good advice. Remember to just have fun and make sure your kid is just having fun. They will be a lot better if they relax.

The percentage of kids that are going to get a scholarship is very small, no matter how great we think they are at 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15 years old. So why not enjoy life now?

[Unregistered]

I am at a complete loss as to why I get so worked up over my daughter's soccer games. Honestly. I get a little nervous before they play the tough out of state teams. I get really excited when they win, and am very proud. I feel down when they lose. Maybe a little too much of both.

I am not proud of the fact that I feel so strongly. I am trying hard to change.

There is a lot of nervous energy on the sidelines at tournament games from all the parents.

I don't get like this when I personally play softball or basketball or indoor soccer. Even though I am competitive.

What is this weird phenomenon? I clearly am not the only one. Read the posts here. Listen to parents on the sidelines.

By the way, I sit dead silent on the sidelines. I never show any emotion at games or after.

I also make sure that my daughter doesn't have any clue what I think about her soccer, my wife and I never say anything other than "great work" win/lose/draw. We make a point of being supportive but never pushy. Being a good person, smart, kind, honest are all things we prioritize at home.

Maybe parents are like this in other sports. I don't see it as much at my son's basketball games. Maybe soccer is such a long build up to a score and many times there are only a score or two per 90 min game, maybe that long build up is why emotions run so high?

I suppose it's natural to be heavily invested in your kids endeavors, because they are our kids, but this is hard to explain.

Ok, I know that some folks are going to criticize this post, go ahead. I am interested in hearing other folks thoughts on this though.

Dude, you are not the only one. The truth is that it ramps WAY down the older they get. You realize at some point the squeezing the one goal in during some match to win some crap tourney doesn't really matter. Go, watch, be positive. Let everything else slide. Oh, particularly if the ref doesn't call a throw in the right way. 1/2 of throws go to the other team anyway. Let it slide. Everyone will be much happier.

[Unregistered]

Why? Because your DD hates you by then and you stop going to games?

Sounds like you are speaking from experience.

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Sounds like you are speaking from experience.

Teenage girls...need one say more?

[Unregistered]

Suggestion

There is a great documentary on HBO called "Trophy Kids." Watch it with your kids, and discuss. This is a very safe way to help explore the complex dynamics between young athletes and their parents.

[Unregistered]

I am at a complete loss as to why I get so worked up over my daughter's soccer games. Honestly. I get a little nervous before they play the tough out of state teams. I get really excited when they win, and am very proud. I feel down when they lose. Maybe a little too much of both.

I am not proud of the fact that I feel so strongly. I am trying hard to change.

There is a lot of nervous energy on the sidelines at tournament games from all the parents.

I don't get like this when I personally play softball or basketball or indoor soccer. Even though I am competitive.

What is this weird phenomenon? I clearly am not the only one. Read the posts here. Listen to parents on the sidelines.

By the way, I sit dead silent on the sidelines. I never show any emotion at games or after.

I also make sure that my daughter doesn't have any clue what I think about her soccer, my wife and I never say anything other than "great work" win/lose/draw. We make a point of being supportive but never pushy. Being a good person, smart, kind, honest are all things we prioritize at home.

Maybe parents are like this in other sports. I don't see it as much at my son's basketball games. Maybe soccer is such a long build up to a score and many times there are only a score or two per 90 min game, maybe that long build up is why emotions run so high?

I suppose it's natural to be heavily invested in your kids endeavors, because they are our kids, but this is hard to explain.

Ok, I know that some folks are going to criticize this post, go ahead. I am interested in hearing other folks thoughts on this though.

That's quite interesting. You certainly aren't the only one.