Parent coaches at the club level

[Unregistered]

Parents coaching their own kids is a bad idea, even if the parent is knowledgeable, nice, reasonable, and does not favor his/her own kid. Sometimes it is necessary at the rec level, but at club level it should not be necessary. Having a parent as a coach or assistant on the bench changes the dynamics among the players on the field in subtle yet powerful ways. The altered dynamics among the players can linger for years afterward. As much as parents might like to think they are objective, they never are. The parent-child relationship always eventually overwhelms the coach-player relationship.

[Unregistered]

experienced this on two different club teams and for the very reasons above would not do it again. One parent coach was reasonable etc. but his daughter did get the most playing time and suffered from a lazy attitude. The other team the coache's daughter wasn't particularly favored but she was privy to a lot of back door/dinner table discussions about her team mates and spread those around....like any 13 year old girl might be do in her immaturity.

It is just a conflict of interest that is not deserving of parent's hard earned money in club soccer.

[Unregistered]

Maybe I just live in a place with better people. The Dads I have seen coach are so concerned with the perception of favoritism that they actually make it harder for their own child.

Sorry but the only people who I have run into who claim not to see the conflict of interest are those attempting to benefit from it.

[Unregistered]

I agree with this at say a first team town or low level club team but as the stakes are higher the more advanced in age and competative level it's hard to say the edge wouldn't be given to the coaches kid even if only subconsciously, it's human nature to advance ones own.

Confirming that my experience with "good" dads has been at exactly that level. First town team and NEP-level club.

[Unregistered]

Just posted my comments based on past experiences. I'm sure the OP wants to direct the discussion to the club he's complaining about but I have not idea what club that is. None of my kids face this issue currently, mostly because we got away from programs that used parent coaches and into better clubs. Even then my kids had no issues with them but pain the azz parents were always critical, even when the parent coach went out of his way not to favor their own kids. From a club management standpoint I still contend that if a club wants to hire a parent for their qualifications that's fine. Just don't have them coach their kids

I've been convinced. Good thread, changed my opinion. OK to coach, but not your own kid. Litany of real or perceived issues is not worth it. Child exposure to coach conversations regarding their peers sealed it for me. TS is super helpful!

[Unregistered]

It's often not even a good idea for the player whose parent is coaching. The parent might be exceptionally hard on them in an effort not to appear playing favorites. If they do play favorites the player isn't earning his/her keep, as they should be. All his/her team mates will at least wonder if there is favoritism going on, even if there isn't. Then bring in normal parent/child interactions - some relationships are toxic, and even healthy relationships go through rocky periods where the kid won't listen to a parent. Anyone with a kid 11+ has experienced that :)

[Unregistered]

so in my mind when you are playing club and paying for an objective job by the coach you have a right to assume a properly licensed coach with no child on that team, no matter what. We actually have a dad and very good coach in my sons club who does coach his son's team, but I havent noticed any favoritism in the past few years and the coach is excellent. But I still think he shouldn't. I am guessing it simply makes his life a bit less hectic as he tries to manage being a coach and a dad, along with another full time paying job. I see town travel as very different, simply because they are typically run by volunteers and you will likely have a tough time getting dads who are properly licensed to coach teams other than their sons or daughters, People are often just too busy to do that, and if they are doing it on a volunteer basis it seems pretty reasonable. But I am sure this causes issues

[Unregistered]

Just posted my comments based on past experiences. I'm sure the OP wants to direct the discussion to the club he's complaining about but I have not idea what club that is. None of my kids face this issue currently, mostly because we got away from programs that used parent coaches and into better clubs. Even then my kids had no issues with them but pain the azz parents were always critical, even when the parent coach went out of his way not to favor their own kids. From a club management standpoint I still contend that if a club wants to hire a parent for their qualifications that's fine. Just don't have them coach their kids

The problem here or with the club in question, they have no idea there are parent coaches.

[Unregistered]

Every coach/player I've seen since my kid was 9 leaves their kids in either the whole game or longer than they should. If your son/daughter plays that position than in all likelihood you're going to get short end of stick.

Also if you daughter/son friends with player who's dad's a coach... well be careful what you say as it has way of making it to coach every time when it really shouldn't.

Listen these coaches aren't bad guys just because kids on team... But these are the drawbacks I've seen and frankly would not allow my kid to play under this arrangement.

What if your kid wanted to be on the team. Say he had bonded with the coaches son?

[Unregistered]

Parents coaching their own kids is a bad idea, even if the parent is knowledgeable, nice, reasonable, and does not favor his/her own kid. Sometimes it is necessary at the rec level, but at club level it should not be necessary. Having a parent as a coach or assistant on the bench changes the dynamics among the players on the field in subtle yet powerful ways. The altered dynamics among the players can linger for years afterward. As much as parents might like to think they are objective, they never are. The parent-child relationship always eventually overwhelms the coach-player relationship.

Right you are. My daughter hated playing for me. Felt that I held her to a higher standard than her teammates. It is why I avoided coaching her in MAPLE.

- Cujo

[Unregistered]

Right you are. My daughter hated playing for me. Felt that I held her to a higher standard than her teammates. It is why I avoided coaching her in MAPLE.

- Cujo

Agreed. Years later we kid about that exact point.
That's why my daughter decided played club. To not be coached by players parents.
AVB

[Unregistered]

This occurred on 3 out of the smaller clubs my kids belonged to. It was a significant problem for all of them. Whether it was normal parent/teen strife evident on the field, to preferential treatment perceived or not, or knowing information and passing it on to his child inadvertently.
Go with a larger club where parents as co coaches or coaches doesn't happen. But even then there are assistant manager positions which are generally sought by favor seeking team parents...

[Unregistered]

This occurred on 3 out of the smaller clubs my kids belonged to. It was a significant problem for all of them. Whether it was normal parent/teen strife evident on the field, to preferential treatment perceived or not, or knowing information and passing it on to his child inadvertently.
Go with a larger club where parents as co coaches or coaches doesn't happen. But even then there are assistant manager positions which are generally sought by favor seeking team parents...

Parent coaches are everywhere and if you understand the nature of sports you would understand that highly motivated players frequently become coaches and they produce motivated players. They are surrounded by a soccer culture. I referee for a large club and there are many parent child combinations. The coaches kid is usually one of the best if not the best player on the field. This is why in pro sports you have so many kids of former pros playing. In many cases the club comps the coach for tuition and it is a way of keeping talent "in house". The problem is not with the player/coach relationship but the jealousies that exist within parents that cannot be objective about talent either because they have no clue at what they are looking but they also are so focused on what their kid is not able to do and this drives them nuts. This is not a coach or player problem but a parent problem. If you are uncomfortable with the coach having a kid on the team that is YOUR problem. Solution is simple. Find a different club but good luck most clubs have this situation. Perhaps sports are not your best option for your kids.

[Unregistered]

Parent coaches are everywhere and if you understand the nature of sports you would understand that highly motivated players frequently become coaches and they produce motivated players. They are surrounded by a soccer culture. I referee for a large club and there are many parent child combinations. The coaches kid is usually one of the best if not the best player on the field. This is why in pro sports you have so many kids of former pros playing. In many cases the club comps the coach for tuition and it is a way of keeping talent "in house". The problem is not with the player/coach relationship but the jealousies that exist within parents that cannot be objective about talent either because they have no clue at what they are looking but they also are so focused on what their kid is not able to do and this drives them nuts. This is not a coach or player problem but a parent problem. If you are uncomfortable with the coach having a kid on the team that is YOUR problem. Solution is simple. Find a different club but good luck most clubs have this situation. Perhaps sports are not your best option for your kids.

More ridiculousness with an agenda about how "elite" happens.

[Unregistered]

Parent coaches are everywhere and if you understand the nature of sports you would understand that highly motivated players frequently become coaches and they produce motivated players. They are surrounded by a soccer culture. I referee for a large club and there are many parent child combinations. The coaches kid is usually one of the best if not the best player on the field. This is why in pro sports you have so many kids of former pros playing. In many cases the club comps the coach for tuition and it is a way of keeping talent "in house". The problem is not with the player/coach relationship but the jealousies that exist within parents that cannot be objective about talent either because they have no clue at what they are looking but they also are so focused on what their kid is not able to do and this drives them nuts. This is not a coach or player problem but a parent problem. If you are uncomfortable with the coach having a kid on the team that is YOUR problem. Solution is simple. Find a different club but good luck most clubs have this situation. Perhaps sports are not your best option for your kids.

Ahh yes. Very insightful. In broad strokes it's a normal dynamic. The coach's kid is usually the best and if you don't like the conflict of interest your children probably shouldn't play sports.