A coach's perspective

[Unregistered]

DG

Two priorities, the other being getting your kid onto the team with the highest number of good looking moms.

Someone on this blog named AP (Angry Poster). I am naming you DG for "Dirty Guy". I assume you are a guy because women just don't think like that :-)

[Unregistered]

That only applies

to the smart parent :)

[Unregistered]

Someone on this blog named AP (Angry Poster). I am naming you DG for "Dirty Guy". I assume you are a guy because women just don't think like that :-)

Lesbian women do.

[Unregistered]

lesbian women do.

dg/dl

[Unregistered]

Really ???

I think that is what you really meant.

Wow, I didn't expect that response. Your dysfunctional family probably should have the kids removed and they should become wards of the state. Most families are normal and need very little outside help in raising good kids. I wonder what else festers in your head.

[Unregistered]

This is puzzling to me. Does this attitude or preference stem from the belief that mentoring and positive influences should be vetted through the parents?

I believe that sports are very similar to the work environment and can go a long way to preparing us for a career:

We sometimes must work FOR someone we do not care for

We sometimes must work WITH others that we do not care for

Some judgement are made on us that may not seem fair as in the case of a bad call

Sometimes we spark something in those who have more say over our future than we do and we advance

I am so glad that my mentors were not limited to those that my parents "approved". But, that is a personal preference.

I totally agree with this. Of course parents should be the first mentors in a child's life, but having a mentor outside of a family situation is a big step in a child becoming an adult. I truly appreciate the individiduals who have taken time with my kids and mentored them. It sounds like the poster opposed to that may have some personal trust issues. Maybe they need to grow up before their children can grow up.

[Unregistered]

I Wish

A parent has one priority their Kid, who is on a team.

A coach has the priority of managing a team which includes that' parents one kid.

It can be a recipe for conflict if a parent doesn't consider the 17 other players and realize their child is just one 1/18th of the equation. They are part of a team.

If someone/coach is abusive and acts inappropriately consistently towards a child, then leave.

Otherwise criticism about how your child is being coached, has more to do with your 'parent' feelings and acting on them. which makes you feel better, justified and teaches the child nothing.

It really doesn't really generate any traction within the parent group, as the majority of the other parents don't really care about your misery and bitching. It's your's not theirs. They may listen but really wish you would just keep your feelings to yourself.

Letting the children go through their own struggles and triumphs is what build character and accountability.

Overzealous parents who want their wishes and dreams realized for just their child, should consider being team coaches. Until that happens it would be far better to have these type of parents just sign their kids up with private trainers and individual sports. Then when the child doesn't succeed at the individual level, they will realize what everyone knows, the kids makes their own path.

Parents love them always regardless if they sit on the bench or go to Stanford on a soccer scholarship :).

Each time the parent who you describe above goes on and on about our coach I wish I had the courage to tell them, why not do us all a favor and leave? We are happy sorry you're not.

Is that too harsh or forthright?

[Unregistered]

A parent has one priority their Kid, who is on a team.

A coach has the priority of managing a team which includes that' parents one kid.

It can be a recipe for conflict if a parent doesn't consider the 17 other players and realize their child is just one 1/18th of the equation. They are part of a team.

If someone/coach is abusive and acts inappropriately consistently towards a child, then leave.

Otherwise criticism about how your child is being coached, has more to do with your 'parent' feelings and acting on them. which makes you feel better, justified and teaches the child nothing.

It really doesn't really generate any traction within the parent group, as the majority of the other parents don't really care about your misery and bitching. It's your's not theirs. They may listen but really wish you would just keep your feelings to yourself.

Letting the children go through their own struggles and triumphs is what build character and accountability.

Overzealous parents who want their wishes and dreams realized for just their child, should consider being team coaches. Until that happens it would be far better to have these type of parents just sign their kids up with private trainers and individual sports. Then when the child doesn't succeed at the individual level, they will realize what everyone knows, the kids makes their own path.

Parents love them always regardless if they sit on the bench or go to Stanford on a soccer scholarship :).

The older a kid gets the more that type of parenting will get in their way. It is fine when they are little to be the "center of the universe" but as they are in HS or older the team concept is cee important.

[Unregistered]

Each time the parent who you describe above goes on and on about our coach I wish I had the courage to tell them, why not do us all a favor and leave? We are happy sorry you're not.

Is that too harsh or forthright?

Depends on how you deliver the message. No one likes to sit around and listen to someone complain.

[Unregistered]

Each time the parent who you describe above goes on and on about our coach I wish I had the courage to tell them, why not do us all a favor and leave? We are happy sorry you're not.

Is that too harsh or forthright?

Sometimes these parents can be like a poison that seeps out and infects the attitudes of others. I had one DD on a team where a parent had a very bad attitude that was reverberated by his player. The player was openly negative and disrespectful at times towards other players, parents and even the coaches. The player did end up leaving but also ended up talking three other players into leaving with her. The only downside to this player was her attitude and in reality she was one of the better players on the team. It decimated the team when the four cliche ish players left as they were all four impact players. My take is that a bad attitude is a bad deal for all involved and needs to be dealt with. Ignoring it will not make it go away.

[Unregistered]

We have been fortunate to have some good coaches in our experiences and some not so good coaches. Looking back now, in perspective, one coach that I was outstanding has now changed immensely in my opinion and view. When you are in the heat of the moment and during the season, State Cups, NWCL, etc, you tend to think you have the best thing going. Now, a couple of years removed, I have come to realize that my daughter really did get short-changed. She was nowhere near ready to play at the level she is currently playing. She wasn't taught very important things that we had assumed her team was being taught. The team was winning on pure athleticism and athletic ability and not on soccer knowledge and strategy and technical know how. It's frustrating now. She could have picked up so much more.

My younger daughter, a totally different story. All the way along, over the past 2 years, she has been told "You are doing great, you are a great little soccer player, you understand the game"----nothing but praise. Come to find out, there are LOTS of areas that she can improve on as well (tactically, technically and strategically). Lucky for us (and more importantly, for her) we caught this early enough in her development so she can get the proper coaching and teaching. I just do not think the coaches have the ability to say the hard things to the parents and or the players. If my younger daughter had been told "You need to work on this, that and the other thing" to be a better player, she would have. It's hard to hear that now, 2 yrs later, when she should have been told that all along.

My take---some coaches are good and DO care. Some are okay and care. Some do not care at all and are just collecting that $5000 to $7000 per team, per season. You really do need to do some homework and really research this out.

If your kid is just starting with a club, say a U8 or U9 and you plan on staying with said club, ask the parents of the current U13s or U14s who the good coaches are and who the bad coaches are. If you start to hear enough about some of the 'bad coaches'--maybe time to look for a new club or rethink your affiliation with your current club.

I know our family is going to take a long, hard look at this very situation come spring and tryouts come around again. We have been frustrated with the lack of communication from the coaches to our kids, directly.

I agree. We have a coach now that is great with younger kids, not so much now. Especially when the coach has a son/daughter on the team. All the girls and parents know that he plays favorites. But what can you do? The coach has been at the club for awhile, they are "friends"... It's disappointing especially when the child would not be on the team if the parent wasn't coaching... All kids hear is negative, they get nervous in games, etc. Because the same doesn't apply to the coaches child

[Unregistered]

I love this post

I agree. We have a coach now that is great with younger kids, not so much now. Especially when the coach has a son/daughter on the team. All the girls and parents know that he plays favorites. But what can you do? The coach has been at the club for awhile, they are "friends"... It's disappointing especially when the child would not be on the team if the parent wasn't coaching... All kids hear is negative, they get nervous in games, etc. Because the same doesn't apply to the coaches child

Coaches do of course have 'favorites' among their player selections for starting and playing.

Every coach, no matter what level 'FAVORS' having their best talent on the field. So if your child is not a 'favorite' find a weaker team or improve at the game so they can become a 'Favorite' selection.

Getting worked up over the coaches kid playing is your own personal hang up. Deal

[Unregistered]

Hmmmm

Coaches do of course have 'favorites' among their player selections for starting and playing.

Every coach, no matter what level 'FAVORS' having their best talent on the field. So if your child is not a 'favorite' find a weaker team or improve at the game so they can become a 'Favorite' selection.

Getting worked up over the coaches kid playing is your own personal hang up. Deal

I don't think this is a appropriate response. My guess would be that you are a parent coach. It's very frustrating to a kid who puts everything into their game and sees the coach's kid skate by. If the kid is the best on the team so be it, most often this is not the case. I have seen over and over parent coaches using their position to further their child's experience. The team becomes a tool to make their kid better. It's a lesson that everything is not fair, but it still sucks. Parents should not be coaches at a classic, competitive level. It will never be good. Parents pay good money to have a coach that is there for the team not for his own kid. NEVER play for a parent coach. I have finally figured that out through the many years, coaches and sports.

[Unregistered]

It's very frustrating to a kid who puts everything into their game and sees the coach's kid skate by. If the kid is the best on the team so be it, most often this is not the case. I have seen over and over parent coaches using their position to further their child's experience. The team becomes a tool to make their kid better. It's a lesson that everything is not fair, but it still sucks. Parents should not be coaches at a classic, competitive level. It will never be good. Parents pay good money to have a coach that is there for the team not for his own kid. NEVER play for a parent coach. I have finally figured that out through the many years, coaches and sports.

The problem is you are not judging this through unbiased eyes. You assume the coaches child is skating by, you assume your child is putting everything they have into it, and then you are deciding you (or your child) have been treated unfairly. How about focusing on yourself instead of spending so much time claiming someone else got a better deal. You choose whether to let yourself be happy.

Coaches should be measured by their coaching ability, not by the presence of their offspring.

[Unregistered]

The problem is you are not judging this through unbiased eyes. You assume the coaches child is skating by, you assume your child is putting everything they have into it, and then you are deciding you (or your child) have been treated unfairly. How about focusing on yourself instead of spending so much time claiming someone else got a better deal. You choose whether to let yourself be happy.

Coaches should be measured by their coaching ability, not by the presence of their offspring.

Touché. I appreciate your perspective. We are happy, but have moved on from parent coaches.