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    A coach's perspective

    Being a coach means you will be dealing with parents. Many of them are wonderful, and will support you and be grateful that you have taken the time and energy to teach and mentor their child. Celebrate them, and be thankful they are on your team.

    Others are not so wonderful. They have unrealistic expectations for their children and the team. They will be a friend to your face, and an enemy behind your back. They will make life miserable for their own child, and often for you and the rest of the team as well. Do your best to educate them and minimize their negativity, and empower others to do the same.

    Most importantly, be a trusted mentor for their child. Those kids need a positive role model more than most, and it’s not their fault that mom or dad has lost the plot.

    #2
    Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
    Being a coach means you will be dealing with parents. Many of them are wonderful, and will support you and be grateful that you have taken the time and energy to teach and mentor their child. Celebrate them, and be thankful they are on your team.

    Others are not so wonderful. They have unrealistic expectations for their children and the team. They will be a friend to your face, and an enemy behind your back. They will make life miserable for their own child, and often for you and the rest of the team as well. Do your best to educate them and minimize their negativity, and empower others to do the same.

    Most importantly, be a trusted mentor for their child. Those kids need a positive role model more than most, and it’s not their fault that mom or dad has lost the plot.
    I knew the ECNL parents would be a pain to deal with, I just didn't know it would happen this quickly.

    Comment


      #3
      My thoughts ...

      Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
      Being a coach means you will be dealing with parents. Many of them are wonderful, and will support you and be grateful that you have taken the time and energy to teach and mentor their child. Celebrate them, and be thankful they are on your team.

      Others are not so wonderful. They have unrealistic expectations for their children and the team. They will be a friend to your face, and an enemy behind your back. They will make life miserable for their own child, and often for you and the rest of the team as well. Do your best to educate them and minimize their negativity, and empower others to do the same.

      Most importantly, be a trusted mentor for their child. Those kids need a positive role model more than most, and it’s not their fault that mom or dad has lost the plot.
      I agree that every family situation is different as is every child. My wife and myself prefer that a coach never be a role model or a mentor. Just a respected adult and coach.
      I wish that coaches could be role models and mentors, but very few qualify. So, leave this aspect of a child's life where it belongs, the parents.

      Comment


        #4
        One Parent's Perspective

        I am just a parent but have a healthy level of respect for coaching. Most of the coaches who have interacted with my children have had left an overwhelmingly positive influence. There were only two instances where I did not believe the coach was good for my child. In these instances I removed my child from the influence of the coach. Problem solved.

        There are other times in which I may not agree with the coach's approach. It doesn't equate to my believing that the coach is bad, it simply seems to ME (very subjective) that something could be done better. Usually this came down to the result of a game... winning vs losing etc.. To some extent coaches will always be in the line of fire for criticism.

        Here is my hearty thanks to all the coaches who work for very little money, find great enjoyment in nurturing our kids and take the time to be a positive influence!!!!

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
          I agree that every family situation is different as is every child. My wife and myself prefer that a coach never be a role model or a mentor. Just a respected adult and coach.
          I wish that coaches could be role models and mentors, but very few qualify. So, leave this aspect of a child's life where it belongs, the parents.
          Really? You prefer that a coach NEVER be a mentor or role model!?

          I have wonderful parents but some of my coaches growing up were fantastic mentors and role models. Whether you like it or not, they have a big influence on our kids and I really appreciate those coaches who have been very positive mentors and role models to my kids. I think they are more than you think.

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
            I agree that every family situation is different as is every child. My wife and myself prefer that a coach never be a role model or a mentor. Just a respected adult and coach.
            I wish that coaches could be role models and mentors, but very few qualify. So, leave this aspect of a child's life where it belongs, dirty old uncle who swears all the time, drinks too much, smokes, and lets the kids watch inappropriate movies late at night on Cinemax.

            I think that is what you really meant.

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
              So, leave this aspect of a child's life where it belongs, the parents.
              This is puzzling to me. Does this attitude or preference stem from the belief that mentoring and positive influences should be vetted through the parents?

              I believe that sports are very similar to the work environment and can go a long way to preparing us for a career:

              We sometimes must work FOR someone we do not care for

              We sometimes must work WITH others that we do not care for

              Some judgement are made on us that may not seem fair as in the case of a bad call

              Sometimes we spark something in those who have more say over our future than we do and we advance

              I am so glad that my mentors were not limited to those that my parents "approved". But, that is a personal preference.

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                This is puzzling to me. Does this attitude or preference stem from the belief that mentoring and positive influences should be vetted through the parents?

                I believe that sports are very similar to the work environment and can go a long way to preparing us for a career:

                We sometimes must work FOR someone we do not care for

                We sometimes must work WITH others that we do not care for

                Some judgement are made on us that may not seem fair as in the case of a bad call

                Sometimes we spark something in those who have more say over our future than we do and we advance

                I am so glad that my mentors were not limited to those that my parents "approved". But, that is a personal preference.
                I so agree with this!

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                  Being a coach means you will be dealing with parents. Many of them are wonderful, and will support you and be grateful that you have taken the time and energy to teach and mentor their child. Celebrate them, and be thankful they are on your team.

                  Others are not so wonderful. They have unrealistic expectations for their children and the team. They will be a friend to your face, and an enemy behind your back. They will make life miserable for their own child, and often for you and the rest of the team as well. Do your best to educate them and minimize their negativity, and empower others to do the same.

                  Most importantly, be a trusted mentor for their child. Those kids need a positive role model more than most, and it’s not their fault that mom or dad has lost the plot.
                  ya ya whatever.... go away, I'm here to bash on OYSA/TA.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                    I knew the ECNL parents would be a pain to deal with, I just didn't know it would happen this quickly.
                    That was posted by TE after she realized that several of her Academy pool have bailed for ECNL already...

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Lots of things going on with this

                      Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                      This is puzzling to me. Does this attitude or preference stem from the belief that mentoring and positive influences should be vetted through the parents?

                      I believe that sports are very similar to the work environment and can go a long way to preparing us for a career:

                      We sometimes must work FOR someone we do not care for

                      We sometimes must work WITH others that we do not care for

                      Some judgement are made on us that may not seem fair as in the case of a bad call

                      Sometimes we spark something in those who have more say over our future than we do and we advance

                      I am so glad that my mentors were not limited to those that my parents "approved". But, that is a personal preference.


                      We have been fortunate to have some good coaches in our experiences and some not so good coaches. Looking back now, in perspective, one coach that I was outstanding has now changed immensely in my opinion and view. When you are in the heat of the moment and during the season, State Cups, NWCL, etc, you tend to think you have the best thing going. Now, a couple of years removed, I have come to realize that my daughter really did get short-changed. She was nowhere near ready to play at the level she is currently playing. She wasn't taught very important things that we had assumed her team was being taught. The team was winning on pure athleticism and athletic ability and not on soccer knowledge and strategy and technical know how. It's frustrating now. She could have picked up so much more.

                      My younger daughter, a totally different story. All the way along, over the past 2 years, she has been told "You are doing great, you are a great little soccer player, you understand the game"----nothing but praise. Come to find out, there are LOTS of areas that she can improve on as well (tactically, technically and strategically). Lucky for us (and more importantly, for her) we caught this early enough in her development so she can get the proper coaching and teaching. I just do not think the coaches have the ability to say the hard things to the parents and or the players. If my younger daughter had been told "You need to work on this, that and the other thing" to be a better player, she would have. It's hard to hear that now, 2 yrs later, when she should have been told that all along.

                      My take---some coaches are good and DO care. Some are okay and care. Some do not care at all and are just collecting that $5000 to $7000 per team, per season. You really do need to do some homework and really research this out.

                      If your kid is just starting with a club, say a U8 or U9 and you plan on staying with said club, ask the parents of the current U13s or U14s who the good coaches are and who the bad coaches are. If you start to hear enough about some of the 'bad coaches'--maybe time to look for a new club or rethink your affiliation with your current club.

                      I know our family is going to take a long, hard look at this very situation come spring and tryouts come around again. We have been frustrated with the lack of communication from the coaches to our kids, directly.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                        This is puzzling to me. Does this attitude or preference stem from the belief that mentoring and positive influences should be vetted through the parents?

                        I believe that sports are very similar to the work environment and can go a long way to preparing us for a career:

                        We sometimes must work FOR someone we do not care for

                        We sometimes must work WITH others that we do not care for

                        Some judgement are made on us that may not seem fair as in the case of a bad call

                        Sometimes we spark something in those who have more say over our future than we do and we advance

                        I am so glad that my mentors were not limited to those that my parents "approved". But, that is a personal preference.
                        It's as if one of my co-workers wrote this.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                          This is puzzling to me. Does this attitude or preference stem from the belief that mentoring and positive influences should be vetted through the parents?

                          I believe that sports are very similar to the work environment and can go a long way to preparing us for a career:

                          We sometimes must work FOR someone we do not care for

                          We sometimes must work WITH others that we do not care for

                          Some judgement are made on us that may not seem fair as in the case of a bad call

                          Sometimes we spark something in those who have more say over our future than we do and we advance

                          I am so glad that my mentors were not limited to those that my parents "approved". But, that is a personal preference.
                          I think I could turn this into a few Dilbert strips...

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Simple

                            Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                            I am just a parent but have a healthy level of respect for coaching. Most of the coaches who have interacted with my children have had left an overwhelmingly positive influence. There were only two instances where I did not believe the coach was good for my child. In these instances I removed my child from the influence of the coach. Problem solved.

                            There are other times in which I may not agree with the coach's approach. It doesn't equate to my believing that the coach is bad, it simply seems to ME (very subjective) that something could be done better. Usually this came down to the result of a game... winning vs losing etc.. To some extent coaches will always be in the line of fire for criticism.

                            Here is my hearty thanks to all the coaches who work for very little money, find great enjoyment in nurturing our kids and take the time to be a positive influence!!!!
                            A parent has one priority their Kid, who is on a team.

                            A coach has the priority of managing a team which includes that' parents one kid.

                            It can be a recipe for conflict if a parent doesn't consider the 17 other players and realize their child is just one 1/18th of the equation. They are part of a team.

                            If someone/coach is abusive and acts inappropriately consistently towards a child, then leave.

                            Otherwise criticism about how your child is being coached, has more to do with your 'parent' feelings and acting on them. which makes you feel better, justified and teaches the child nothing.

                            It really doesn't really generate any traction within the parent group, as the majority of the other parents don't really care about your misery and bitching. It's your's not theirs. They may listen but really wish you would just keep your feelings to yourself.

                            Letting the children go through their own struggles and triumphs is what build character and accountability.

                            Overzealous parents who want their wishes and dreams realized for just their child, should consider being team coaches. Until that happens it would be far better to have these type of parents just sign their kids up with private trainers and individual sports. Then when the child doesn't succeed at the individual level, they will realize what everyone knows, the kids makes their own path.

                            Parents love them always regardless if they sit on the bench or go to Stanford on a soccer scholarship :).

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                              A parent has one priority their Kid, who is on a team.
                              Two priorities, the other being getting your kid onto the team with the highest number of good looking moms.

                              Comment

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