How to motivate a 11 y.o. to play the best he can?

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My girl was in the same situation in that she was a good player who switched teams and was not performing as well as she could've with her new team. For her it came down to 3 things. She was afraid to fail in front of her new team, even in training. Her comfort level with the other girls wasn't there as she just didn't know them and didn't have friendships with them. Her skills needed to improve in certain areas as well so that she could be more confident in trying to do certain things on the field.

There was no magic bullet but a few things in combination helped. First, encouraging them and recognizing the good plays they make is important. Try to avoid too much negative feedback as that's not going to boost confidence. Next, it may take more time for him to feel part of the team/develop friendships with players on the team. Do whatever you can to help him develop friendships with his teammates by going out to eat after games with kids he gets along with, or getting together outside of team related activities. Just having friends on the team will give him more confidence and make him like soccer more. Finally, if there are individual skill areas that he needs to work on to get the confidence he needs to use these skills, have him work on them outside of team activities.

[Unregistered]

My 11 y.o. son started this season with one of the very top teams in the region, after leaving his previous club, where he and I saw no growth for himself. This new team has some tremendously-talented boys, and the coach is excellent in making them play together as a cohesive squad, not a hoard.
So far he has not been able to show his potential, appears timid and lacks confidence on the pitch. Consequently, the coach rarely starts him, and he spends 2/3 of his matches on the bench...which I completely agree with, since the matches are played to win, not to give someone playing time. He gets benched 4 or more times in every match, more than any other boy on his quad; and deservedly so.
I don't know how to motivate him to show his true self, be a lot more aggressive, skillful and assertive, which he's fully capable of. At this point he just gives up, and does not fight on, unlike his teammates.
I'm going to be contacting his coach regarding this , but wanted to run this by the other parents first.
Any suggestions?

Leave him alone and give him time. Let him figure it out. He is the new kid on the team and it takes time to build trust with the coaches and teammates and it will take time for his to get his confidence back and not fear making mistakes. This was exactly my son a few years ago at about U12. He got moved to the top team over the winter but didn't get invited back the next year and he is a very good player now (better than half of his former teammates). Shame on the team for seeing something in him and not giving him another year. As the only new guy on a core that had been together for 3 to 4 years, it was obvious that he was skiddish and reluctant to make a mistake on this new uber-team .... once the thrill wears off they will start to play as they can .... like how they did when they earned them their spot. I was disappointed his former coach did not recognize this and help to keep his confidence and get him over the hump with a bunch of "don't worry about it"s ..... "no problem"s .... "try it again"s ..... he wasnt awful when he got moved up, he was just average on that team and the coach knew he was a better player than that (which is why he got moved up). If it doesn't work out, no worries, just keep giving him time, space, and a place to play ... my son still finds it as a motivation, especially when he plays kids from that team.

[Unregistered]

Bottom line is know your kid. Leaving him alone to figure it out will work for some kids and not others.

[Unregistered]

Are you some Oracle? Seriously stop the nonsense. Kids go through an adjustment period when they change clubs. Use the winter period for privates or 3 vs 3 pickup games. Encourage your kid every chance you have. Confidence is so important for players of all ages. Parents should advocate for their kids at this age. At 11, very few kids feel confident talking to a coach about what they need to improve. Any good club should have evaluations with the player and parent at the end of each season. If not, ask the coach for a meeting. The coach should be able to tell you where your player stand, his strengths/weaknesses and what he needs to do improve. If the coach makes excuses and can't find the time start looking for a new club.


Example of a player appraisal report:

FIRST TOUCH AND BALL CONTROL - the ability to control the ball quickly and effectively, in a composed manner, seldom losing possession.

PASSING - the ability to make short and medium length passes using the inside and outside of the foot. With effective weight and accuracy.

ABILITY UNDER PRESSURE - can the player maintain a consistent high level of performance when under pressure(time, physical and mental) and continue to protect the ball.

RUNNING WITH THE BALL - can the player demonstrate when to run with the ball and do so with pace and direction without losing possession.

1v1 MOVES - the player's overall ability to execute 1v1 moves, and to do so in the appropriate area of the pitch and relative to the development of the play with a consistent level of success.

GROUP ATTACKING - the player's application of the first principles of support, width and penetration, and ability to finish with limited number of touches.

GROUP DEFENDING - a player's ability to effectively close down opponents, remain patient and persistent, and also apply the first principles of compactness, cover and depth.

SPEED AND PACE - the ability to accomplish techniques quickly with efficient and fast movements in all areas of the field.

FOOTBALL INTELLIGENCE - the player's ability to assess game situations quickly and yet with composure in order to make intelligent decisions.

URGENCY AND ANTICIPATION - the player's reaction to game related events, and ability to anticipate these.

SPORTSMANSHIP - the conduct of the player at all times both on and off the field. Showing a fair, honest and supportive attitude at all times.

MOTIVATION - the player's enthusiasm and attitude to hard work, and the desire shown towards improvement and recover from mistakes.

ATTENDANCE - the player's commitment to attending all developmental training sessions.


Grades based on:
Exceeding expected level of development / Meeting the expected level of development / Requires further development in this area.

Christ, you have got to be kidding me. We are talking about a 10 yr old.
We don’t hold the president to these standards.
Psychologists, report cards, complaining to the coach...no wonder the u17 girls suck. We don’t make soccer players, just nut cases.

[Unregistered]

Christ, you have got to be kidding me. We are talking about a 10 yr old.
We don’t hold the president to these standards.
Psychologists, report cards, complaining to the coach...no wonder the u17 girls suck. We don’t make soccer players, just nut cases.

My favorite is football intelligence...
For a 10yr old, it should be-give me the ball and watch me take on the other team

[Unregistered]

My favorite is football intelligence...
For a 10yr old, it should be-give me the ball and watch me take on the other team

They make those dog collars that shock you. Maybe he should try that.

[Unregistered]

Promise him ice cream if he scores. He's ten. It works.

[Unregistered]

Promise him ice cream if he scores. He's ten. It works.

It does? My kid wants money! :)

[Unregistered]

My favorite is football intelligence...
For a 10yr old, it should be-give me the ball and watch me take on the other team

And this is why the US is so far behind Europe and South Amercia... tactics can and should be introduced early, certainly with technically strong 10yo's. They certainly are over in Europe.

[Unregistered]

My favorite is football intelligence...
For a 10yr old, it should be-give me the ball and watch me take on the other team

US soccer culture in a nutshell. Send it Johnny. Run fast.

[Unregistered]

Christ, you have got to be kidding me. We are talking about a 10 yr old.
We don’t hold the president to these standards.
Psychologists, report cards, complaining to the coach...no wonder the u17 girls suck. We don’t make soccer players, just nut cases.

what do you consider a soccer player? Are we talking about a top team or just the top team in the local town? Soccer should be fun at all levels but at the higher levels the parents should expect development to be an integral part of it.

All I saw with the W U17 NT was kick an run against Cameroon. Even when they had a 11 vs 9 advantage. No tactics. No game intelligence. Didn't try to play from the back. Just sending the ball and hoping their fastest player can outrun the other team's player. So keep up with the status quo.

[Unregistered]

Christ, you have got to be kidding me. We are talking about a 10 yr old.
We don’t hold the president to these standards.
Psychologists, report cards, complaining to the coach...no wonder the u17 girls suck. We don’t make soccer players, just nut cases.

Actually an 11 year old playing u12. They play 11 v 11 next year. When should you start teaching tactics and setting high standards. I didn't read anything about complaining to the coach. The OP said asking for a mtg to discuss your kids development.

[Unregistered]

And this is why the US is so far behind Europe and South Amercia... tactics can and should be introduced early, certainly with technically strong 10yo's. They certainly are over in Europe.

They are not taught at 10 in Europe
Read every thought any decent coach has had regarding tactics
Tactics at this age is only about a coach showing off
They are not allowed to just play-every minute is coached.
There should be zero tactics at 10-nothing but touches and play

[Unregistered]

what do you consider a soccer player? Are we talking about a top team or just the top team in the local town? Soccer should be fun at all levels but at the higher levels the parents should expect development to be an integral part of it.

All I saw with the W U17 NT was kick an run against Cameroon. Even when they had a 11 vs 9 advantage. No tactics. No game intelligence. Didn't try to play from the back. Just sending the ball and hoping their fastest player can outrun the other team's player. So keep up with the status quo.

We have been listening to this drivel for years and we have only gone backward.
The status quo is ineffective.
Let them play...tactics are taught later
Why do we need to have them at 10?
It ain’t working

[Unregistered]

Actually an 11 year old playing u12. They play 11 v 11 next year. When should you start teaching tactics and setting high standards. I didn't read anything about complaining to the coach. The OP said asking for a mtg to discuss your kids development.

The entire world is using small sided play. Full field at u12 is stupid. The game is played the same at any size pitch.
A full field is sized for adults, unless its NYCFC...of course, you probably don’t watch that