Dealing with Toxic Teammates - Talking-Soccer.com

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#1

Dealing with Toxic Teammates

02-17-2021, 02:01 PM

Hi All,

Our 11 y/o daughter is on her third year with the same team and they are a talented group no doubt. However there are 2-3 kids who are creating issues for the team in the form of toxic behavior. It just so happens the 2-3 kids have parents who are difficult on the sidelines to opposing teams, refs and sometimes to the other parents on the team. The coach is very intense and I don't think he has helped this ongoing issue that continues to get worse on the other girls. We believe he will not be the coach next year and are sort of keeping low and trying to keep our daughter's morale up.

Approaching the coach really does not seem like an option because as I briefly stated is likely a part of the problem. Its terribly frustrating to hear about the behavior these kids get a way with and its even tougher when they turn their attention on our daughter. I will add that two of the girls are likely in the top 5 and the other girl is ranked in the bottom 3-5. Our daughter is somewhere in the middle.

I am sure some of you have dealt with this with your children. Do we just let it be and support our child to take away the positives or do we get with the other fed up parents and go to the coach? Again the coach is some ways is encouraging this all (too many scenarios to list to support all of our belief that he is part of the problem).

I will add our daughter is quiet and does not like to be part of drama.

Thank you.
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Unregistered
#2

02-17-2021, 02:10 PM

Reality is that wont stop. If you can separate and not have their BS be a distraction, and if the team is good and worth staying on, ok. The bottom of the roster girl will at least probably self resolve if its a competitive environment and she gets bumped.

if the team is sorta township or lower premier, and if its not really worth the hassle and the girls aren't your daughter's friends then start working out with other teams now and jump for fall. Do not let other people ruin the game for your kid and don't let her be afraid to remake herself on a new team. The reality is these lunatic people never change. My kid dealt with it, stayed around toxic people maybe a year too long and ultimately was like lets get out of here but she was a bit older than yours is when that happened.
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#3

02-17-2021, 02:10 PM

Poor Mia! What did her teammates do to her that was so vicious? Is she ok? Poor thing!
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#4

02-17-2021, 02:11 PM

It sounds like you need a couple enforcers on your team to squash the little brats.
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#5

02-17-2021, 02:17 PM

Soft parents= soft kids!
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Unregistered
#6

02-17-2021, 02:18 PM

Originally posted by Unregistered View Post

Hi All,

Our 11 y/o daughter is on her third year with the same team and they are a talented group no doubt. However there are 2-3 kids who are creating issues for the team in the form of toxic behavior. It just so happens the 2-3 kids have parents who are difficult on the sidelines to opposing teams, refs and sometimes to the other parents on the team. The coach is very intense and I don't think he has helped this ongoing issue that continues to get worse on the other girls. We believe he will not be the coach next year and are sort of keeping low and trying to keep our daughter's morale up.

Approaching the coach really does not seem like an option because as I briefly stated is likely a part of the problem. Its terribly frustrating to hear about the behavior these kids get a way with and its even tougher when they turn their attention on our daughter. I will add that two of the girls are likely in the top 5 and the other girl is ranked in the bottom 3-5. Our daughter is somewhere in the middle.

I am sure some of you have dealt with this with your children. Do we just let it be and support our child to take away the positives or do we get with the other fed up parents and go to the coach? Again the coach is some ways is encouraging this all (too many scenarios to list to support all of our belief that he is part of the problem).

I will add our daughter is quiet and does not like to be part of drama.

Thank you.

It's easy, find a new club. This happened to my daughter's team too, and it was killing my kid's development. It took us a little time but we have now found a great fit for her in terms of coach, talent, and teammates.
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Unregistered
#7

02-17-2021, 02:20 PM

Well, I hate to say it but girls can be little jerks and then grow up to be nasty women. They will always exist. All you can do is empower your kid to stick up fo herself and tell her that the girls that are being jerks are insecure jealous people and the world is full of them. Help her to find one person on the team she likes and respects and ignore the rest.
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Unregistered
#8

02-17-2021, 02:20 PM

Originally posted by Unregistered View Post

Reality is that wont stop. If you can separate and not have their BS be a distraction, and if the team is good and worth staying on, ok. The bottom of the roster girl will at least probably self resolve if its a competitive environment and she gets bumped.

if the team is sorta township or lower premier, and if its not really worth the hassle and the girls aren't your daughter's friends then start working out with other teams now and jump for fall. Do not let other people ruin the game for your kid and don't let her be afraid to remake herself on a new team. The reality is these lunatic people never change. My kid dealt with it, stayed around toxic people maybe a year too long and ultimately was like lets get out of here but she was a bit older than yours is when that happened.

She's 11. If she isn't having fun because of the dynamic get her to a new club/team, if you can. I wouldn't care how good the team is - there are other good teams. The biggest risk you have is her souring on soccer because she's not having fun.
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#9

02-17-2021, 02:24 PM

Pull her. Sooner the better. Clubs don�t care and don�t want to deal with it. Plenty of teams without trash parents and their demon spawn out there.

Which club out of curiosity?
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Unregistered
#10

02-17-2021, 02:26 PM

Originally posted by Unregistered View Post

She's 11. If she isn't having fun because of the dynamic get her to a new club/team, if you can. I wouldn't care how good the team is - there are other good teams. The biggest risk you have is her souring on soccer because she's not having fun.

My kid was on a town team of girls who were bullies and a click. It was toxic. We put up with it, we tried to get her to ignore them but in the end it was just no longer fun fo her. We found another town team with very fun girls who just enjoy playing and laughing. That team is now really awesome and the team of bullies are no longer a good team. I hear they are more focused on tic tok and boys. Glad we left. Life is short, don't stick around where the kids are nasty.
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Unregistered
#11

02-17-2021, 02:45 PM

Originally posted by Unregistered View Post

She's 11. If she isn't having fun because of the dynamic get her to a new club/team, if you can. I wouldn't care how good the team is - there are other good teams. The biggest risk you have is her souring on soccer because she's not having fun.

^ this. If she's unhappy she won't want to put in the effort, possibly want to skip practices and even quit. There's loads of teams out there and at this age there's no need to be on "the right" team. Find one that's a good fit and a positive coach. Yes mean girls are always going to be there, but some teams have a lot less of it than others
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Unregistered
#12

02-17-2021, 03:01 PM

Originally posted by Unregistered View Post

Well, I hate to say it but girls can be little jerks and then grow up to be nasty women. They will always exist. All you can do is empower your kid to stick up fo herself and tell her that the girls that are being jerks are insecure jealous people and the world is full of them. Help her to find one person on the team she likes and respects and ignore the rest.

I would agree but 1 is not enough. If there are a few mature respectful kids on the team to be with, that could do the trick.

many teams will have a witch or two or three to deal with so you may not escape that by moving. It part a of life and she can get some coping skill to deal with the insecure, negative attention seeking bullies she is bound to encounter.
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Unregistered
#13

02-17-2021, 03:16 PM

This situation is not unique to girls' teams. There are plenty of poor coaches, team managers, insecure parents and their kids who can make a team toxic for the rest of the players.
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Unregistered
#14

02-17-2021, 03:54 PM

Originally posted by Unregistered View Post

Hi All,

Our 11 y/o daughter is on her third year with the same team and they are a talented group no doubt. However there are 2-3 kids who are creating issues for the team in the form of toxic behavior. It just so happens the 2-3 kids have parents who are difficult on the sidelines to opposing teams, refs and sometimes to the other parents on the team. The coach is very intense and I don't think he has helped this ongoing issue that continues to get worse on the other girls. We believe he will not be the coach next year and are sort of keeping low and trying to keep our daughter's morale up.

Approaching the coach really does not seem like an option because as I briefly stated is likely a part of the problem. Its terribly frustrating to hear about the behavior these kids get a way with and its even tougher when they turn their attention on our daughter. I will add that two of the girls are likely in the top 5 and the other girl is ranked in the bottom 3-5. Our daughter is somewhere in the middle.

I am sure some of you have dealt with this with your children. Do we just let it be and support our child to take away the positives or do we get with the other fed up parents and go to the coach? Again the coach is some ways is encouraging this all (too many scenarios to list to support all of our belief that he is part of the problem).

I will add our daughter is quiet and does not like to be part of drama.

Thank you.

Your entire issue is the coach. He/She should not allow that behavior from anyone. Run. Run. Run. Find a better situation.
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Unregistered
#15

02-17-2021, 03:57 PM

I agree. Sounds like the coach has lost control of the players. Plenty of other choices out there and don�t be scared to move clubs. Also by the way they are all the same so good luck!
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