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**Unregistered** · 03-01-2019, 09:58 AM

Originally posted by Unregistered View Post

7 Ways to Spot a Con Artist Coach
2016-03-03 | Zac Ludwig, CEO

Unfortunately, there are many people in the youth soccer world who �steal a living.� They act as coaches or club directors but do nothing that is truly in the best interest of the children and families they serve. In the end, their only interest is in themselves, and most of the families that have crossed their path are in worse situations because of it. We call these people �con artist coaches.�

Unfortunately, con artist coaches are very good at what they do. To an untrained eye, they seem like they have everything figured out and can be very appealing to parents and children, which is why they are so dangerous. To help us avoid becoming victims to con artist coaches, below are seven warning signs that a coach might in fact be a con artist.

1. Big Promises
If a coach ever promises or guarantees that a child will receive college or professional offers if he/she plays for his team or club, immediately run the other way � fast! No one can promise these things. So many factors go into how and why players end up on college or professional rosters. Con artist coaches use this as bait, and these promises are almost always unfulfilled. Even if a child does end up playing in college, it is usually done on their own merit, not because of the con artist coach.

Good coaches: Honest coaches will help their players through the process of playing at a higher level, but they will never promise an outcome. Especially to 9-year olds. Honest coaches can even boast the success of former players � but again, they will never guarantee the same for other children.

2. Stealing Players
Parents ought to ask questions about the previous experiences of their children�s coaches. If a coach has left a former club, it might be good to know why. If a coach has left a former club and taken players with him, get out of there! Con artist coaches are notorious for leaving clubs and stabbing people in the back by stealing players. There is nothing wrong with leaving a club � but taking families and getting them wrapped up in personal drama is inappropriate and unprofessional. So if a coach left a former club, and if a bunch of players followed, stay away!

Good coaches: Honest coaches might leave a club, but they will tell their players and families to stay and/or make a decision for themselves. They will not openly bad-mouth the club (even if they deserve it) and will not persuade others to go with them.

3. Poaching Players
If a coach ever casually mentions an interest in your child joining his team while knowing that your child is currently playing somewhere else, that�s a red flag! Even if it seems innocent or genuine, this shows a lack of integrity. Think of interacting with the stereotypical dishonest used car salesman � they come off friendly, but they push us toward something we�re not totally comfortable with or give us a feeling something�s not quite right� Con artist coaches work in a very similar manner.

Good coaches: Honest coaches might be friendly or compliment a player�s performance. But they will not try to persuade anyone to leave a team.

4. Just Win, Baby!
Con artist coaches only emphasize winning. Their justification for how good their coaching is or how successful they are is how many youth tournaments and leagues they have won. When you read their bio online, it highlights their win/loss record or how many championships they�ve won. They will likely even promise that your child will win competitions. They also run up the score against weaker teams and speak about it as a positive. Any of these situations are major red flags.

Good coaches: Honest coaches are proud of their teams� successes, but they realize that it�s about more than winning. They also realize that running up a score does not help anyone and is not something to brag about.

5. Spending Too Much Time with Parents
If a coach spends a significant amount of time at every or most practices speaking to parents, beware. Coaches have a very limited amount of time to work with the kids. None of it should be wasted. If a coach has a tendency to neglect the kids and speak to parents during this limited practice time, it is a clear sign of mixed-up priorities. Why is this coach more concerned about schmoozing with parents than coaching the kids? Because he knows that parents have the paychecks and make the decisions, and he wants to charm them. Or at best, this coach simply does not realize how precious this limited practice time is.

Good coaches: Honest coaches will address concerns and build relationships with parents. But never at the expense of the kids. If there needs to be an occasional parent meeting, that is okay. However, spur-of-the-moment, prolonged chatting with parents is unprofessional and quite possibly devious.

6. Full of �Opportunities"
As you can imagine, con artist coaches are always scheming. So if a coach approaches us about a financial situation not directly related to the team, it is a major red flag. If the coach is in college and fundraising for a cause, it is likely innocent. But if the coach mentions a need for investors for some sort of project or mentions a financial �opportunity,� he is likely a con artist. Also, a coach who claims to have some sort of charity is also a red flag. Surely, coaches can be philanthropists, but too many times, con artist coaches have used this tactic to selfishly make money.

Good coaches: Honest coaches might donate to charity or help fundraise for a cause. They also might be savvy investors. But they also understand boundaries and professionalism.

7. Unprofessional Coaching Methods
There�s something not right about coaches who claim to have high-level licenses yet coach like an amateur. Yet this is the reality of most con artist coaches. They will dishonestly advertise their licenses and/or playing experience (like, ALL the time), but when they coach, they do things that are �deadly sins.� Such actions might include relentlessly yelling, constantly �joy sticking� players (non-stop �coaching� is unnecessary and detrimental), or conducting fitness with young kids (hurdles, ladders, sprints, laps � any and all of it is unprofessional for 10-year olds).

Good coaches: Honest coaches are truthful about their experience and humble about it. They also do their best to learn new ways to coach and try to do their best for their players.

So if we see any of these warning signs, we must proceed with caution. Although a single sign is not a guarantee that a coach is a con artist, it is surely worth further investigation. The more signs we identify, the more likely we are dealing with a con artist coach.

How to spot a toxic parent ^^^^^

**Unregistered** · 03-01-2019, 12:10 PM

Originally posted by Unregistered View Post

How to spot a toxic parent ^^^^^

What, you think any parent who criticizes a coach is toxic? Or did the post hit too close to the upper 90?

How to spot a toxic soccer parent. (Much shorter than the original article).

1) Big expectations. Some parents act as though they can will their child to "success" in team sports, where "success" often means eventual play for compensation: a NCAA scholarship, or even a pro career, and blame everyone when it doesn't happen, and it won't for most kids. (Remember. Only 10% of kids play youth soccer at all; only 10% of those play competitive, and only 10% of those play for a premier team--and out of that 0.1%, most won't make it anywhere). Bad coaching. Other clubs. Referees. Other parents. Politics. Teammates. Even the kids themselves, for not trying hard enough.

This is the kids' thing, not yours.

2) Club-hopping. Sometimes families change clubs--one club may be a bad fit, or even one coach; or it might be for reasons unrelated to soccer (a shorter commute to practice). That's OK. But if you change clubs every year, and loudly trash the prior club or coach every time you do, it's a red flag.

Like many things--if it doesn't work once, it may be them. If it never seems to work, it's probably you.

3) Recruiting teammates. Many toxic parents think that for their kid to have the best shot, he needs to be on the best team--and so attempt to arrange it so their DS or DD has the best teammates. This results in things like approaching other parents (on the other team at league games, or in places like ODP) looking to recruit; trashing other teams or coaches in public, and otherwise trying to convince talented players to join them.

This is a problem when the coach does it--but it's even less of the parents' job than it is the coaches' job.

4) Just win, baby! Just like con artist coaches do, toxic parents emphasize wins over development, or think that the former is the only acceptable evidence of the latter. They will loudly demand non-educational styles of play ("boot it") and complain about coaches who do play out of the back, especially if the other team pressures a restart from the penalty area and gets a cheap goal as a result. They will criticize the weaker members of team (to their own kids, to other parents, or to the coach) and suggest they not get to see the field (as long as it isn't THEIR kid--if the coach benches THEIR snowflake there will be hell to pay!). They view club soccer as building up a resume for the college recruiter--the more trophies the better. They will boast about wins as though it validates their choices and their own kid's skill--even if he or she spent most of the time watching.

At this age, development of skill is more important. College coaches, for the most part, aren't stupid--and other than the occasional super-talent, aren't likely to care much about what a kid accomplishes in middle school anyway.

5) Spending too much time with coaches. Schmoozing works in both directions, and some parents will try to get an "in" with the coach in the hopes that he will give preference to their kid. And will complain about those coaches that insist on maintaining a strictly businesslike relationship with parents.

Extend the coach the same professional courtesies you would extend a schoolteacher or other professional who helps your kids; and expect the same professional conduct from them.

6) Not trusting the professional you are paying to do the job. As one coach I know is fond of saying in his start-of-season speech, you don't go to a restaurant, wander into the kitchen, and advise the chef on how to cook the meal. Yet many parents see fit to "educate" their child's coach on tactics, formations, and even substitution patterns (start my kid, bench that one over there), and will view on-field mistakes by the players as evidence the coach doesn't know what he's doing. (Kids make mistakes, there are skills that coaches may not have worked on yet, etc.) Yes, there are bad coaches--but the correct course of action if you find one is to leave. Chances are, the coach (who probably has spent much of his or her life involved with soccer) has forgotten more about the game than you know, and even if you are an "expert" (an advanced former player or coach yourself)--you're still not THE coach.

Stay in your lane.

7) Unprofessional parental behavior. NONE of the following are acceptable: a) complaining about your child's teammates, especially to other parent, to the kids (including your own), or to the coach b) criticizing or coaching the players from the sideline, including your own c) haranguing your kid about poor play, or blaming him or her for not getting to play much or not starting (unless the coach speaks to you about a disciplinary issue, any discussion of playing time or what soccer skills need improving are the coach's concern, not yours) d) Verbally attacking (or worse) coaches or referees.

Sometimes this is hard, and parents forget--I occasionally gripe about the ref (though quietly, and never in an insulting fashion), and will occasionally shout advice (things like "man on" or "heads up") from the parent's sideline. But parent's job is to support and cheer, not to be an ass. Don't say things about other people's children that you wouldn't want saying about yours. And remember, it's just a game--most kids aren't going to get anything more out of club soccer than the fun of playing, so don't take that away from them.

**Unregistered** · 03-01-2019, 05:45 PM

Unfortunately, there are too many toxic coaches combined with toxic parents and this is what makes youth soccer in the U.S. a complete suck fest. Working together, they create a system that is corrupt and only advances their own purposes. But as long as they feed each other it will never change. Examples include:

1) coaches encouraging players to privately train with them, one of their buddies, or someone else within the club. The toxic parents see this as an opportunity to advance their own children onto the first team, and they are usually right.

2) coaches and clubs catering to a whole group of toxic parents because of the numbers of players who have left the club previously. In a pay to play system, clubs are more worried about their revenue than individual development. They can afford to have one or two players leave, but things become more difficult when large groups of players leave.

3) coaches who allow parents to coach from the sideline because they don't want to make any waves with the parents who are obnoxious enough to think they should be coaching instead of the person getting paid to do it.

The list goes on. The sad thing is the kids trying to play a sport they love end up the victims of all the politics. The bad coaches keep their jobs and make some money on the side and the parents get their egos fed. And the cycle continues.

**Unregistered** · 03-01-2019, 06:47 PM

Originally posted by Unregistered View Post

Unfortunately, there are too many toxic coaches combined with toxic parents and this is what makes youth soccer in the U.S. a complete suck fest. Working together, they create a system that is corrupt and only advances their own purposes. But as long as they feed each other it will never change. Examples include:

1) coaches encouraging players to privately train with them, one of their buddies, or someone else within the club. The toxic parents see this as an opportunity to advance their own children onto the first team, and they are usually right.

2) coaches and clubs catering to a whole group of toxic parents because of the numbers of players who have left the club previously. In a pay to play system, clubs are more worried about their revenue than individual development. They can afford to have one or two players leave, but things become more difficult when large groups of players leave.

3) coaches who allow parents to coach from the sideline because they don't want to make any waves with the parents who are obnoxious enough to think they should be coaching instead of the person getting paid to do it.

The list goes on. The sad thing is the kids trying to play a sport they love end up the victims of all the politics. The bad coaches keep their jobs and make some money on the side and the parents get their egos fed. And the cycle continues.

4) Coaches/clubs who specialize in finding a nest for toxic parents. One point left unstated: often times, toxic parents have talented children! Those that don't often don't last long in youth soccer--either their antics aren't tolerated and they are sent packing (no need to put up with BS from the parents of the benchwarmers), or they go find some other activity to get involved in. And a few clubs LOVE to root out the toxic parents with talented kids, upset their snowflakes aren't getting first billing, and make the necessary promises to get them over. Assuming the kids are all right (and they often are), this can work.

**Unregistered** · 03-01-2019, 08:01 PM

Originally posted by Unregistered View Post

7 Ways to Spot a Con Artist Coach
2016-03-03 | Zac Ludwig, CEO

Unfortunately, there are many people in the youth soccer world who �steal a living.� They act as coaches or club directors but do nothing that is truly in the best interest of the children and families they serve. In the end, their only interest is in themselves, and most of the families that have crossed their path are in worse situations because of it. We call these people �con artist coaches.�

Unfortunately, con artist coaches are very good at what they do. To an untrained eye, they seem like they have everything figured out and can be very appealing to parents and children, which is why they are so dangerous. To help us avoid becoming victims to con artist coaches, below are seven warning signs that a coach might in fact be a con artist.

1. Big Promises
If a coach ever promises or guarantees that a child will receive college or professional offers if he/she plays for his team or club, immediately run the other way � fast! No one can promise these things. So many factors go into how and why players end up on college or professional rosters. Con artist coaches use this as bait, and these promises are almost always unfulfilled. Even if a child does end up playing in college, it is usually done on their own merit, not because of the con artist coach.

Good coaches: Honest coaches will help their players through the process of playing at a higher level, but they will never promise an outcome. Especially to 9-year olds. Honest coaches can even boast the success of former players � but again, they will never guarantee the same for other children.

2. Stealing Players
Parents ought to ask questions about the previous experiences of their children�s coaches. If a coach has left a former club, it might be good to know why. If a coach has left a former club and taken players with him, get out of there! Con artist coaches are notorious for leaving clubs and stabbing people in the back by stealing players. There is nothing wrong with leaving a club � but taking families and getting them wrapped up in personal drama is inappropriate and unprofessional. So if a coach left a former club, and if a bunch of players followed, stay away!

Good coaches: Honest coaches might leave a club, but they will tell their players and families to stay and/or make a decision for themselves. They will not openly bad-mouth the club (even if they deserve it) and will not persuade others to go with them.

3. Poaching Players
If a coach ever casually mentions an interest in your child joining his team while knowing that your child is currently playing somewhere else, that�s a red flag! Even if it seems innocent or genuine, this shows a lack of integrity. Think of interacting with the stereotypical dishonest used car salesman � they come off friendly, but they push us toward something we�re not totally comfortable with or give us a feeling something�s not quite right� Con artist coaches work in a very similar manner.

Good coaches: Honest coaches might be friendly or compliment a player�s performance. But they will not try to persuade anyone to leave a team.

4. Just Win, Baby!
Con artist coaches only emphasize winning. Their justification for how good their coaching is or how successful they are is how many youth tournaments and leagues they have won. When you read their bio online, it highlights their win/loss record or how many championships they�ve won. They will likely even promise that your child will win competitions. They also run up the score against weaker teams and speak about it as a positive. Any of these situations are major red flags.

Good coaches: Honest coaches are proud of their teams� successes, but they realize that it�s about more than winning. They also realize that running up a score does not help anyone and is not something to brag about.

5. Spending Too Much Time with Parents
If a coach spends a significant amount of time at every or most practices speaking to parents, beware. Coaches have a very limited amount of time to work with the kids. None of it should be wasted. If a coach has a tendency to neglect the kids and speak to parents during this limited practice time, it is a clear sign of mixed-up priorities. Why is this coach more concerned about schmoozing with parents than coaching the kids? Because he knows that parents have the paychecks and make the decisions, and he wants to charm them. Or at best, this coach simply does not realize how precious this limited practice time is.

Good coaches: Honest coaches will address concerns and build relationships with parents. But never at the expense of the kids. If there needs to be an occasional parent meeting, that is okay. However, spur-of-the-moment, prolonged chatting with parents is unprofessional and quite possibly devious.

6. Full of �Opportunities"
As you can imagine, con artist coaches are always scheming. So if a coach approaches us about a financial situation not directly related to the team, it is a major red flag. If the coach is in college and fundraising for a cause, it is likely innocent. But if the coach mentions a need for investors for some sort of project or mentions a financial �opportunity,� he is likely a con artist. Also, a coach who claims to have some sort of charity is also a red flag. Surely, coaches can be philanthropists, but too many times, con artist coaches have used this tactic to selfishly make money.

Good coaches: Honest coaches might donate to charity or help fundraise for a cause. They also might be savvy investors. But they also understand boundaries and professionalism.

7. Unprofessional Coaching Methods
There�s something not right about coaches who claim to have high-level licenses yet coach like an amateur. Yet this is the reality of most con artist coaches. They will dishonestly advertise their licenses and/or playing experience (like, ALL the time), but when they coach, they do things that are �deadly sins.� Such actions might include relentlessly yelling, constantly �joy sticking� players (non-stop �coaching� is unnecessary and detrimental), or conducting fitness with young kids (hurdles, ladders, sprints, laps � any and all of it is unprofessional for 10-year olds).

Good coaches: Honest coaches are truthful about their experience and humble about it. They also do their best to learn new ways to coach and try to do their best for their players.

So if we see any of these warning signs, we must proceed with caution. Although a single sign is not a guarantee that a coach is a con artist, it is surely worth further investigation. The more signs we identify, the more likely we are dealing with a con artist coach.

This is the dumbest post today. There are good coaches who do some of these things like hang out with parents or promote winning.

**Unregistered** · 03-01-2019, 08:13 PM

Originally posted by Unregistered View Post

This is the dumbest post today. There are good coaches who do some of these things like hang out with parents or promote winning.

After all, coach, if you didn't schmooze with parents, how would you recruit the players to enable you to win?

**Unregistered** · 03-01-2019, 08:49 PM

Originally posted by Unregistered View Post

What, you think any parent who criticizes a coach is toxic? Or did the post hit too close to the upper 90?

How to spot a toxic soccer parent. (Much shorter than the original article).

1) Big expectations. Some parents act as though they can will their child to "success" in team sports, where "success" often means eventual play for compensation: a NCAA scholarship, or even a pro career, and blame everyone when it doesn't happen, and it won't for most kids. (Remember. Only 10% of kids play youth soccer at all; only 10% of those play competitive, and only 10% of those play for a premier team--and out of that 0.1%, most won't make it anywhere). Bad coaching. Other clubs. Referees. Other parents. Politics. Teammates. Even the kids themselves, for not trying hard enough.

This is the kids' thing, not yours.

2) Club-hopping. Sometimes families change clubs--one club may be a bad fit, or even one coach; or it might be for reasons unrelated to soccer (a shorter commute to practice). That's OK. But if you change clubs every year, and loudly trash the prior club or coach every time you do, it's a red flag.

Like many things--if it doesn't work once, it may be them. If it never seems to work, it's probably you.

3) Recruiting teammates. Many toxic parents think that for their kid to have the best shot, he needs to be on the best team--and so attempt to arrange it so their DS or DD has the best teammates. This results in things like approaching other parents (on the other team at league games, or in places like ODP) looking to recruit; trashing other teams or coaches in public, and otherwise trying to convince talented players to join them.

This is a problem when the coach does it--but it's even less of the parents' job than it is the coaches' job.

4) Just win, baby! Just like con artist coaches do, toxic parents emphasize wins over development, or think that the former is the only acceptable evidence of the latter. They will loudly demand non-educational styles of play ("boot it") and complain about coaches who do play out of the back, especially if the other team pressures a restart from the penalty area and gets a cheap goal as a result. They will criticize the weaker members of team (to their own kids, to other parents, or to the coach) and suggest they not get to see the field (as long as it isn't THEIR kid--if the coach benches THEIR snowflake there will be hell to pay!). They view club soccer as building up a resume for the college recruiter--the more trophies the better. They will boast about wins as though it validates their choices and their own kid's skill--even if he or she spent most of the time watching.

At this age, development of skill is more important. College coaches, for the most part, aren't stupid--and other than the occasional super-talent, aren't likely to care much about what a kid accomplishes in middle school anyway.

5) Spending too much time with coaches. Schmoozing works in both directions, and some parents will try to get an "in" with the coach in the hopes that he will give preference to their kid. And will complain about those coaches that insist on maintaining a strictly businesslike relationship with parents.

Extend the coach the same professional courtesies you would extend a schoolteacher or other professional who helps your kids; and expect the same professional conduct from them.

6) Not trusting the professional you are paying to do the job. As one coach I know is fond of saying in his start-of-season speech, you don't go to a restaurant, wander into the kitchen, and advise the chef on how to cook the meal. Yet many parents see fit to "educate" their child's coach on tactics, formations, and even substitution patterns (start my kid, bench that one over there), and will view on-field mistakes by the players as evidence the coach doesn't know what he's doing. (Kids make mistakes, there are skills that coaches may not have worked on yet, etc.) Yes, there are bad coaches--but the correct course of action if you find one is to leave. Chances are, the coach (who probably has spent much of his or her life involved with soccer) has forgotten more about the game than you know, and even if you are an "expert" (an advanced former player or coach yourself)--you're still not THE coach.

Stay in your lane.

7) Unprofessional parental behavior. NONE of the following are acceptable: a) complaining about your child's teammates, especially to other parent, to the kids (including your own), or to the coach b) criticizing or coaching the players from the sideline, including your own c) haranguing your kid about poor play, or blaming him or her for not getting to play much or not starting (unless the coach speaks to you about a disciplinary issue, any discussion of playing time or what soccer skills need improving are the coach's concern, not yours) d) Verbally attacking (or worse) coaches or referees.

Sometimes this is hard, and parents forget--I occasionally gripe about the ref (though quietly, and never in an insulting fashion), and will occasionally shout advice (things like "man on" or "heads up") from the parent's sideline. But parent's job is to support and cheer, not to be an ass. Don't say things about other people's children that you wouldn't want saying about yours. And remember, it's just a game--most kids aren't going to get anything more out of club soccer than the fun of playing, so don't take that away from them.

Of course you better than everyone else, know it all and are hollier than thou, go pound sand mate...

**Unregistered** · 03-01-2019, 09:26 PM

Originally posted by Unregistered View Post

Of course you better than everyone else, know it all and are hollier than thou, go pound sand mate...

One other sign of a toxic soccer parent: They get all pissy if confronted about it. Calling someone "holier than thou" is usually an admission of sin, coupled with an objection that there's nothing wrong with it. But if you see yourself in some of the examples above--admitting you have a problem is the first step to doing something about it.

But I'm glad that our club has gotten rid of the worst toxic soccer parents. Wasn't hard; another club recruited most of them away and even won a State Cup with 'em (there was only one that the DoC actually had to send packing). Lots of 'em came in here and bragged about it too. But guess who is now on the top of the table?

**Unregistered** · 03-02-2019, 12:53 PM

Originally posted by Unregistered View Post

One other sign of a toxic soccer parent: They get all pissy if confronted about it. Calling someone "holier than thou" is usually an admission of sin, coupled with an objection that there's nothing wrong with it. But if you see yourself in some of the examples above--admitting you have a problem is the first step to doing something about it.

But I'm glad that our club has gotten rid of the worst toxic soccer parents. Wasn't hard; another club recruited most of them away and even won a State Cup with 'em (there was only one that the DoC actually had to send packing). Lots of 'em came in here and bragged about it too. But guess who is now on the top of the table?

You just showed your true colors and completely lost all the credibility you thought you had (you really had none from the start though) with your very last sentence. Move on and pat yourself on the back as nobody else really cares...