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what to do with the bully on the team

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    what to do with the bully on the team

    I know this is like, ugh, but i have an 11 year old who joined a new team and trying to deal with a bully on the team. it is to the point they don't want to go to practice.... Talked to the coach to keep a look out about it, but nothing has changed because it is in my opinion the bully is a better player on the team.... I know in our day we would just punch the bully in the nose and call it a day. but nowadays things are so crappy correct... then you run the risk of ostracizing you kid more if you do something....tried the pep talk about it is not about friends.... hate bullies.....

    #2
    Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
    I know this is like, ugh, but i have an 11 year old who joined a new team and trying to deal with a bully on the team. it is to the point they don't want to go to practice.... Talked to the coach to keep a look out about it, but nothing has changed because it is in my opinion the bully is a better player on the team.... I know in our day we would just punch the bully in the nose and call it a day. but nowadays things are so crappy correct... then you run the risk of ostracizing you kid more if you do something....tried the pep talk about it is not about friends.... hate bullies.....
    Sorry to hear that. Kids (and their parents who do nothing about it) can really suck. How long ago did you talk to the coach? If it's been awhile and nothing has changed it's time for another chat with him and the club DOC (if there is one). You're right that it's hard for a 11 year old to tough it out. Even tough kids can be broken by the wrong bully. If it's making your player that miserable look elsewhere. It's not worth them possibly quitting. He/she is young and there's plenty of other options out there.

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      #3
      Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
      I know this is like, ugh, but i have an 11 year old who joined a new team and trying to deal with a bully on the team. it is to the point they don't want to go to practice.... Talked to the coach to keep a look out about it, but nothing has changed because it is in my opinion the bully is a better player on the team.... I know in our day we would just punch the bully in the nose and call it a day. but nowadays things are so crappy correct... then you run the risk of ostracizing you kid more if you do something....tried the pep talk about it is not about friends.... hate bullies.....
      If that is the case and you can’t trust the coach, move to another team in the spring. Soccer is more than just wins. Especially at age 11, If the coach isn’t teaching the other stuff and not correcting poor behavior, it’s not a good team. Move on.

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        #4
        Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
        Sorry to hear that. Kids (and their parents who do nothing about it) can really suck. How long ago did you talk to the coach? If it's been awhile and nothing has changed it's time for another chat with him and the club DOC (if there is one). You're right that it's hard for a 11 year old to tough it out. Even tough kids can be broken by the wrong bully. If it's making your player that miserable look elsewhere. It's not worth them possibly quitting. He/she is young and there's plenty of other options out there.
        it's a good lesson to learn that life is too short to work (or play) with as$holes.

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          #5
          Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
          If that is the case and you can’t trust the coach, move to another team in the spring. Soccer is more than just wins. Especially at age 11, If the coach isn’t teaching the other stuff and not correcting poor behavior, it’s not a good team. Move on.
          Can't always run from a situation, especially because more bullies will come along the way. Bullies don't really want a physical confrontation- your daughter needs to stick up for herself. Once she does- the bully will move on to someone else.
          Shame on the coach for not addressing though...

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            #6
            Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
            Can't always run from a situation, especially because more bullies will come along the way. Bullies don't really want a physical confrontation- your daughter needs to stick up for herself. Once she does- the bully will move on to someone else.
            Shame on the coach for not addressing though...
            Thats the point. the original poster would not be running away from the kid but moving on from a bad coach.

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              #7
              Exactly what actions or words performed by this person make you define them as a bully?

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                #8
                Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                Exactly what actions or words performed by this person make you define them as a bully?
                Girl stuff, calling her names, saying she is ugly, this stuff she says when they are in close company, say grouped on a drill... then getting groups of other girls in a small group, says something and have the others giggling at they take a break..

                The coach says he hasn't seen it, but knows the bully is an "competitive player"..

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                  #9
                  "Girl stuff"? Really?

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                    #10
                    Best thing to do is much better to their arch rival, and beat them on the field. It’s amazing how energizes the bullied player, it gives her purpose and her new team will have her back.

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                      #11
                      Sorry, bad grammar, I meant join their arch rival

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                        #12
                        Very clear advice. Thank you.

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                          #13
                          Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                          Girl stuff, calling her names, saying she is ugly, this stuff she says when they are in close company, say grouped on a drill... then getting groups of other girls in a small group, says something and have the others giggling at they take a break..

                          The coach says he hasn't seen it, but knows the bully is an "competitive player"..
                          Leave. He's made it clear he either doesn't believe your child, values the other player more or both. Most coaches don't want to do anything more than just show up and coach. They don't want to deal with anything else, even if it may be impacting players or team performance. There's lots of other options out there for young players.

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                            #14
                            Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                            "Girl stuff"? Really?
                            Bullying is bullying no matter the gender. Girls are especially adept at subtly in their bullying, where as boys tend to be more physical. (but not always). Real mean girls stuff typically ramps up in middle school, so an eleven year old doing this already will likely get 100 times worse soon enough.

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                              #15
                              Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                              Leave. He's made it clear he either doesn't believe your child, values the other player more or both. Most coaches don't want to do anything more than just show up and coach. They don't want to deal with anything else, even if it may be impacting players or team performance. There's lots of other options out there for young players.
                              Disagree. Bullies are a part of life. People need coping skills to combat it. Role play two or three confrontations with specific language your child can use so he or she is better prepared to withstand the bully.

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